Today I am a broken-winged butterfly.
Right now I am dealing with five separate and highly annoying health issues, none of which I believe to be life-threatening, but all causing my life to be high-maintenance. When the summer and the onslaught of issues started (last month it was five but not the same five as this month, so it’s been a rough summer) I did my cocoon thing. When I get sick I tend to hold up in my bed for days. It’s my cocoon.
After the last several days I felt myself beginning to spiral towards depression (again). Health issues always take me there when I begin to feel overwhelmed.
But this morning was different. I chose different. I decided that today I would get out of bed and choose to behave as if life was okay. I got up and did my hair and got clean and dressed as if I were “normal.” As if I were going to go out in to the world of normal and be normal. And then I began to think, so, what if this IS my new normal?
Since being diagnosed with RA (an auto-immune disease) I have had a TON of trouble with my immune system not functioning well. I’ve changed my diet SEVERAL times before getting to a place where I feel I am eating the best I can for me and my body and to be able to maintain it for the rest of my life. I listen to my body.
One dramatic change, for example, was NOT eating sugar. I’ve had to give it up to a 90% degree. Some weeks it probably is more like 99% but sugar hides in everything and so is hard to escape entirely. I don’t do cakes and cookies and stuff, anything empty white sugar, because if I do, I immediately hurt. I have cut it from my life. (Sometimes during the holiday season I will try and make a no-low sugar alternative dessert, but for the most part, that is just gone from my life.) And this is just one example of many changes I won’t bore you with.
My body takes two to three times longer to heal when I get sick. It just does. So there’s that. I am becoming a germaphobe.
So, back to today and my current five issues. I decided I was going to live one day at a time, living as though I would have to deal with these issues for the rest of my life. Would I get up and take care of them and get on with it? Or would I give up and give in??? It was an “in your face” moment for me. (Thanks, Universe.)
All I can say is that for today I left my cocoon, and I took flight, broken-wings and all. My flight path was altered a bit. I flew in crazy swirly curly lines and slapped into things once or twice, but I’m flying.
One day at a time.
Thanks for listening friends and fellow butterflies!! (Keep flapping those wings!)