Tag: kindness

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A Day in the Life

Been in therapy a few weeks and just when I begin to wonder if it’s working, I’ve had a couple big breakthroughs, so that’s cool. Pressing on. I’ve stopped looking at things in the same way and feel I can finally focus on forward movement. Now if I could just feel well-rested, those days are great. Rough night last night.

So many people with their opinions of what is right, but they only think “This is Right for All” instead of “This is Right For ME!” If people could just change that one little thing… and I behave the same way often myself. Cuz when you work hard for your belief system and it makes sense to you, it’s tough not to want everyone else to jump on board. But we need to allow each other to have the voyage, the journey, the struggle. It’s what grows us and makes us strong. America was founded on Freedom of Religion, so obviously it was important to the founding fathers. I can’t help but think so many things about our country. I love it here, I know it’s still a great place to be compared to some others, but also… there is so much wrong.

I mean that Thanksgiving pilgrim fantasy we all had… we now know it was all much bloodier than what we like to say each year in November. We have so much more knowledge now… and change is hard for people. Sometimes believing the new information is difficult to impossible for the Old School folks. But we have to be open-minded enough to take in new facts, new information, or we’re just dinosaurs. (And will become extinct, just the same.)

Terroristic shootings have become the norm now, not just the occasional random horror… we’ve become used to it because the far right informs us, we cannot mess with gun laws… and children still die, innocent people still die. There must be a better way. There must be a way to both be able to defend ourselves and our homes and families, while protecting the innocent, and for crying out loud, get people the mental healthcare they need. Lock people up and keep them there, when that is what is necessary. I can’t believe that there is a country as wealthy and large as we are that can’t figure this shit out. Our priorities are skewed. That has become horribly apparent. People just plain don’t want change. They want to say, “I want to go back there,” when there is no going back. We have to deal with the shitstorm that is here and now.

Anyway, unscheduled rant happened.

I am a patriot, believe it or not. The same people I disagree with, I would stand shoulder to shoulder with–to protect them if necessary. But I am not a nationalist. I love people of every background and nationality. The politicians are the ones to hate, if you feel you must, but please don’t take it out on people of other countries, just trying to live, raise their kids, get by. I have friends (thanks to the internet) from lots of different countries, and I have found us to be more alike than different. We all want peace. We all want security, friendship, decent jobs. Take the politics out of it and we are much the same underneath.

Unscheduled rant over. I believe in good, hardworking people, and they can be found all over the globe. If we could just get the politicians to stop shaking their fists at one another and learn to live and let live. But we likely won’t. We may very well destroy ourselves. I truly hope not. But good, kind people do still exist. We need to stand up and make our voices heard, too.

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January 4, 2022 People are Stupid AKA It’s a Mad, Mad World

I had some errands to run and I got them all done. For reasons some of you know, I deal with anxiety related to driving (sometimes) and at times it’s just anxiety over leaving the house. But I got them all done and back home again in my comfy bubble.

I heard about the recent slap-fest on an airplane and my heart sank a little more. We are so passionate in our points of view these days, and ever-so stressed out. Maybe along with a sky ranger on the plane, we need a secret psychiatrist. Nobody knows who he or she is but they pop out when needed. Armed with comfort, kind words, appropriate meds. And once again the airline ticket costs jump up cuz they have to pay these people. What a world. I honestly don’t know if I will ever choose to fly again.

But for all the madness in our mad, mad world, I am actually doing pretty well. Watching the latest Coben marvel Stay Close on Netflix. I have a handful of shows (always) that help to occupy my mind and keep me busy. I live and thrive in the world of fiction and fantasy, and ain’t it a good thing these days? I often prefer fiction to reality. I art journal, I draw, I read, I fill notebook after notebook and write blog after blog. We all have our coping mechanisms, eh? And occasionally I foray out into the real world.

I texted a friend today and said, “Just checking in to see how your holidays were, cuz you’re one of the few humans I like.” It is, sadly, true. I try not to be too harshly judgmental of others, but often, for one reason or another, I just don’t like everyone and I guard my time and energy too much to waste it these days. If a hermit such as myself chooses to leave my home and venture out for you, you are special indeed to me. (You’re looking at a woman whose life motto has always been “People are stupid.”) I know, I know, you think I’m too negative. But I’m not wrong.

I’ve been finding a lot of traits in myself that I’ve seen in my late father, and it makes me say, “Oh! Genetics are real!” but also “Yikes,” cuz I have to make sure I don’t push everyone in my life away from me. I guess being aware of potential negative behavior is a good first place to start. I’m also a lovie, though, I truly am. If I don’t frighten people away and if I genuinely connect with or like someone, they’d find me to be a true, loving, forever friend. I have a huge heart. Perhaps that is why I protect it so very well.

In parting I will add, don’t always fall back on thinking people are stupid, try to understand. Try to be open to connection and friendship. I’m talking to myself here, too, of course. In such times we need extra super-human patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Whatever you get up to this January, be kind, even it’s it difficult. We need more of this.

Peace Out, my friends!

 

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Adulting.

I was thinking today about two things: One, how we get to know who we really are, and Two, Deciding who we want to be. I spent a lot of time (years!) on the first one, and these days I think a lot more on the second. I often find myself asking these questions:

Do I want to be THAT person? That says THAT thing? Or does THAT?

When I need to make a decision, as small as calling a friend or as large as changing life in more profound ways (moving or something else that is a BIG decision) I stop and really think about what I’m doing, what I’m saying, and WHO (what kind of person) I want to be.

So I started off knowing who I am now, past and present, and then transitioned into thinking about looking forward. Am I fully who/how I want to be? I’ve become so aware.

It’s adulting, isn’t it? Fully realizing that each and every decision we make has a consequence, be it good or bad or somewhat neutral. Adulting at its finest. Who I surround myself with has consequences. Who I love. How I choose to put myself “out there” to others. It all matters, if even in the tiniest of ways.

I’ve watched a lot of movies recently and one theme I really see a lot, is that one person saying one thing to someone can have a profound impact. (Sometimes the impact is good and sometimes bad.) I don’t wanna be a person who gets utterly shut down, worrying about what I say and do and what others think about it, but also, I want to be aware. As much as possible I really want to be a person that encourages others.

I want to be the one that others feel they can talk to and share their lives with. I want to be open. Secure. Settled. Wise. And even when I find differences between myself and someone else, I want to love and accept them despite these differences, as much as possible. I’ve often said we are not all the same and were not meant to be, and how boring would that be—so I want to walk that out.

It can be HARD especially if I feel profoundly and deeply about something and maybe others take issue with it, but adulting can also mean, knowing when to break away. When you’ve done all you can, let it be. Let people be who they are, and if we just can’t click, so be it. Peace. You go your way and I’ll go mine, but I wish you no ill will.

Maybe I’m finally getting the knack of this adulting thing. I hope so cuz I think it’s here to stay for me.

When I was young back in Oklahoma, we had these neighbors, twin girls, and one said about their sister, “Next time I’m gonna be born with the mole on my leg.” One of those random things I remember because it struck me how she thought she’d be doing it all again. (She was about three, I think.)

My son once said when he was a similar age, when we were discussing growing up, that when he grew down, he was going to do this and that. He thought that people grew up and then grew back down to infancy. I don’t think I’ll be growing back down, so I’d better get used to this.

Acceptance. A large part of adulting.

Peace Out, my friends!

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Be Healthy, Behave

I saw an article yesterday (when I was looking outside of Facebook for news reports) about people out there who have made a living out of creating a website, getting advertisers to be on their site (this is how they get paid) and then they spend their full-time work days creating misinformation and putting it out there as real. Knowingly. It’s hard to believe we live in such a time, in such a world, where people benefit and live off of destroying other people. I won’t mention their names here, goodness knows I don’t want to promote one more person looking at this guy’s mess, but this dude took this woman and her family and totally decimated their lives by accusing them online of having started the coronavirus (Covid-19) outbreak. Even though the authorities and police have confirmed her innocence, it does not seem to matter and the police can do nothing. There are no laws for this.

He had hundreds of thousands of followers attacking these poor people. Their reputations are ruined. They don’t feel safe, can’t leave their homes (even after they CAN from isolating) for fear of being attacked.

I saw a story about a NC woman who is knowingly infected and she and her followers are taking to the streets to tell people they need their “freedom” and to get out there and protest for the opening of commerce now, and she is very militant about it. It’s real, people. This is the world we are living in.

Sigh. Good morning, friends. It is a stressful time to be alive. It’s enough to make me (I don’t know about you) crawl under the covers and hide.

I’m the kind of person who likes to take any action I can (even if it’s only taking to my keyboard) to try to bring about positive change in the world. But this…. This mess. People are so entrenched in their ways of thinking and refuse to be challenged. It’s unlike anything I have ever witnessed before. It feels like Mass Brainwashing and it scares me, I’m not gonna lie.

As for the aforementioned perpetrators, the ones making a living from defaming people, I’d be all for implementing laws about defamation, etc., that would cause these people, once they are identified, to be placed in shackles in the public square and let people walk by and throw tomatoes at them. Let’s bring that back. I bet it’d work.

My heart aches for this world. More than I ever thought I would live to see, people are forgetting about what’s important, latching on to some little thing and turning it into a full-blown cult-like agenda. I don’t understand. I never will. And don’t tell me people just need faith in God because a lot of the folks participating in some of the crazy behavior are self-proclaimed people of faith. I cannot express how sad this makes me.

People need love. They need real connection with real people. They need mental/emotional healthcare. This much is abundantly clear.

I’ve found that sitting with someone and having a coffee together and talking our thoughts through, even if we disagree, in an attitude of respect and humility, can work wonders. Before social media it’s what everyone did. That’s why people who disagreed with one another weren’t losing friendships over it back in the day, but now it’s just the thing to do, to blast people you disagree with and fight and yell and get ugly, and decide we can’t be friends.

I go a long way towards trying to discuss things calmly but when people start getting angry with me, calling me names, trying to publicly humiliate me, look out. Boundary walls are up and people are being shoved outside of them. I don’t put up with that. My peace and the energy I surround myself with, is very important to me. I will protect it and myself.

So, I am over here in my tiny little corner of my little world, plugging away at life and at trying to make sense of it all. Ultimately there is little I can do but try to encourage people to be kinder, to really look at broader views instead of a tiny narrow one. To base all they do out of love and compassion and empathy rather than furthering their political ideals and agendas.

The combination of social media (hiding oftentimes under Freedom of Speech) and politics is destroying it all, our peace, our friendships, our relationships, our sanity. I’m not playing anymore, people. I will not engage.

No-one, no matter how long I’ve known or loved them (family included) is going to be allowed to get me all riled up and upset and ruin my quality of life which is ever-so-precarious right now anyway. Boundary walls up and fully engaged, like a high-dollar alarm system.

If you feel the same or just like to follow me for whatever reason, (writing, art, poetry, friendship, whatever) then I hope you stick around. I hope you come back here and hang out and read my stuff. For those local, I hope one day we can meet and have coffee and discuss things with mutual respect and kindness.

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself and hold onto your sanity and your peace. Be healthy. Be kind. BEHAVE.

Peace Out.

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Blog Post January 31, 2019 The Quilt

 

Haven’t blogged in a while, been drawing and working in my art journal (taking an amazing class by the way) and have been expending a ton of my creative energy there. I’ve been doing a lot of handwriting in my other journals as well. I can type all day and get nary a cramp, but when I pick up a pen, I seem to have about an hour (on my best days) to write and spew on the page before my hands begin to cramp up. So. This has seemed to make me want to handwrite all day long. I guess I’ve been feeling like, I only have so many more days in my life that I’ll be able to handwrite notes, blogs, journal entries (etc) so I’ve been writing in and all over everything in sight. (See how stubborn I am?) I always have felt as though I want to leave a ton of stuff behind when I shuffle off the mortal coil, stuff to read, paintings to look at, etc. I want to leave as much of myself as I can for my kids and grandkids. I want them to be able to (when they miss me) pick up a diary or journal and read what was on my heart on a particular day. Or read one of my books and feel close to me. I’ve always felt like writing was a way to be kinda immortal.

Anyhoo, I was thinking today about the world at large and how we all, as humans, have a tendency to segregate ourselves. Yes, you’ve heard this rant before (“why can’t we all just get along??!!”) but I was thinking today about the world as a huge quilt.

Come along with me, if you will. Picture this: So, the entire world is a huge quilt. (No, I’m not a flat-earther, but just go along.) Every color-patch on said quilt represented a place on the earth (or a race, religion, tribe, or culture). I was thinking that the blues, those who live in the blue area, they’re always gonna see the world as blue. They’ll go to their grave swearing the world is blue and that is the only truth in the universe. Well, meanwhile, the yellows on the other side of the world, they are doing the same thing with yellow. They see only yellow, every thing has that golden glow. You can tell them the world is blue, but they’re not buying it. “The world is Yellow!” They will shout at the top of their lungs. “You others are idiots! Everyone with any sense knows, it’s yellow.”

Same for greens,

Same for reds,

Same for purples, etc ad nauseum.

So, each color on the quilt, they’re seeing only their own limited perspective. Still with me?

Is Yellow wrong? Are the blues?

Or is the quilt, the quilt, no matter what color?

Now, here’s the mind-blowing part.

The quilt is TRUTH. You thought this was about race relations, right? Well, there is that whole issue, but more than that, I am always flabbergasted that humans still think they corner the market on truth. If you’re in the blue section of the quilt, then your truth is that blue is the THING. There is only blue and everyone MUST believe it cuz it’s the truth. You might try to tell them about all the other lovely colors, but they will cover their ears and sing, “lalalalalala, I can’t hear you!” being as unteachable as a garden stump.

For many years I was in my little patch of the quilt and thought I had it all figured out, I was good to go. Then my world grew and expanded and I saw that there are more truths in the universe than any of us will likely ever grasp. They don’t fit in one book, not even in hundreds of books. I do NOT have it all figured out, and I believe, neither do you. That’s my belief. (Not to dis any of you and your green quilt patches or whatever) because I’ve also learned to love all the colors on the entire quilt, all the followers of those colors, all the believers of those colors, knowing now, that THIS is their truth, and I have NO right to judge it.

Perspective. It’s a thing, people. Nobody knows everything. Hopefully each color has a piece of truth.

Always be humble and kind as we all seek truth together.

Peace Out,

Pammy