Tag: journal

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Writing Again

I say from time to time “I’m not working on any books for a while or maybe at all ever again” but I did decide I have one non-fiction in me, so I have started on that. Gosh I write, journal, blog a lot. It is indeed my very life.

For the first time in a long while I have days that are full to the brim, though, with work. I am taking (currently) two classes, I have an art therapy client, and I’m working on the book. Oh, and trying to keep up with the household stuff, enjoy fam when they come, have any kind of a small social life. And I I am debating starting my YouTube videos back up again. Maybe weekly, maybe monthly.

One of the things I have been taught in one of my classes is the idea that one cannot be truly happy or fulfilled without giving back in some way. Back in my church days, I had a bit more of an ability to help, mostly with acts of service, but sometimes lead a class or something. Counsel with someone who needed a listening ear. These days I don’t have any real venue unless I make it, such as with art therapy or on YouTube.

Sadly, I do like the sound of my own voice, sometimes… lol. Talk, talk, talk. But if I do have any gift to share, I ought to get on with it, stop pussy-footing around and being all like “eh can I do it?” Just woman up and get it done. So that’s where I’m at. It’s a good place to be.

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Today’s Journal Log

I know I do this blogging thing in waves, but here I am again. I might do one every day for a while then stop for months at a time. Just life happening.

The truth is that writing is hugely therapeutic to me, whether it is in a blog, email, letter, journal, or whatever. I feel like I still need to be in therapy but I’m just not willing to pay what it costs. So meanwhile, writing. It often does the trick.

A loved one is in recovery from a fall, and I think she is probably going to be okay this time, but it shook me. I’ve always felt that even the prospect of having to think of someone you love being mortal, of them Ending, is horrific. From the time I was a small child I’ve thought “What a cruel sickening joke” to make humans that love each other and then make them watch one another suffer and die. It’s F’ed up, man. It truly is. Is it an experiment to see how much pain we can handle on planet Earth? I’ll sign a waiver fully stating that I cannot handle it. Period. Done. Don’t even try me. Can I opt out??

Too sensitive for this world. That’s what they say.

And now that I’ve been Debbie Downer… Most days I am coping with life and all that entails. I just have to shut off my overactive mind and put one foot in front of the other. What do I need to do today?? It helps. There’s something to the ol’ One Day at a Time thing. Sweet Jesus. That’s all I’m asking. Just get through today.

I know I have lost some friends, or pushed them away, because in order to survive day to day, I have to stay focused.  I’m called selfish, narcissistic, whatever, but I have to take care of my psyche first or it all falls apart. And I literally do not have the time and energy to put myself around people that I totally disagree with on some major issues and hear that all day every day. Honestly, I can’t take anyone or anything all day every day. My hubs is my best friend in the universe and I need an hour or two away from him occasionally. And he truly is the best human ever, certainly one of them. But with him, I’ve known since Day One that he loved me for me and he doesn’t judge me. That’s so huge. A safe place, that’s what he is.

Anyhoot, I do have a handful of good friends and they know not to expect a call or text from me every day. They know ME and have stuck around, and I am so thankful for that.

Laptop dying, gonna go plug it in. Til next time peeps-

Peace Out