One thing that has become abundantly clear to me as I’ve been working hard on myself, is that I am (as I’ve mentioned before) incredibly stubborn. In a discussion with my mother I realized (another epiphany) that I am the daughter of two fiercely stubborn people. The thing about stubbornness is, I’m probably never gonna outrun that DNA but I can realize it’s there and a big part of me, and then make a plan to deal with it. To tame that beast.
Stubbornness can make me didactic, dogmatic, and hard at times. It can make me run right over other people’s thoughts and feelings in order to get my own point across.
It can also help me finish writing a book or complete any task I start. It helps me in being what I call an “over-communicator.” I used to tell my children that I would literally sit on them until they opened up and talked to me about what was on their minds (this was during those difficult pre-teen and teen years when they were going through stuff but had no idea how to handle it or communicate it to me.) And that really says it all about me and communication. I will (and have) hounded people in my life until they opened up to me out of a desperate need to just get me to go away. (Nobody say anything about me being abusive, get over it, I wasn’t. I can hold someone with gentle hands and force them to talk to me.)
I’m an incredibly intense person. Maybe this is why I was created with a cat-like physical disposition rather than a puppy’s active physicality… I’d be way too much to handle with that thrown in and would literally never sleep! (Yes I just used literally wrongly, don’t care.)
So, mentally a bulldog/puppy, physically a cat. Weird.
My poor husband. He, (like a lot of men), wasn’t the best communicator in our early years, but I have figured out a way to needle the stuff out of him when necessary. He still struggles with having thoughts and feelings. (From my perspective, he seems not to have any sometimes.) Because I have soooo many that are always out there and all over the place.
I had to work at digging my own emotions out and dealing with them, and now they are all out there and everywhere and at any given moment, I’m playing ping-pong with them, trying to sort them out. I had to do that for my health.
Dealing with hubby is another ballgame. I’ve referenced the old book “Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are LIke Spaghetti” before and there’s another one about Mars and Venus. The point is well made. It’s generalizing, but there is some truth to it.
He has learned in recent years that if or when I sense that he’s got something on his mind, I will employ that same stubborn doggedness to him and to drawing him out. (Yeah, don’t I sound like a joy to live with?) Over-communicator that’s me.
So, all of this to say, stubbornness, when tamed, can actually be channeled into tenacity and a refusal to give up. And THAT trait has served and is serving me well. (Yeah, here’s me trying to put a positive spin on things again! Some days I just can’t help it.) And, of course, some days I can’t get out from under the covers.
And that’s life in the big city and during a pandemic. And, I guess, life in general. Good days and bad.
Learning from the roller coaster of life–
Peace Out
