The Only Way Out is Through–Part Two
(Profoundly Human)
Author’s Note:
Almost as soon as I put TOWOIT up for sale, (the first memoire), I knew I had more to say and that I would want to document what happened next—AFTER the healing, AFTER the release and letting go. This book is part of my continuing story documenting my continuing life. I hope it resonates with some, encourages others. ((This is a raw unedited version that will no doubt change before publishing))
December 2022. I put the book up for sale and that very day began a release and a continuation of my healing journey.
As you know if you know anything about me, I document my life. I do this in various ways as the spirit moves. I began doing YouTube videos, which at the time of this writing, have not caught on well, but I will let the universe guide me on whether or not to continue. I’m a gal with a lot to say.
I blog, I fill numerous journals a year, I pontificate on Facebook and am tolerated well by most, if not all. If they don’t get me, they leave, and that is as it should be.
When we were little, I made my brother cry once because we were on a road trip and I wouldn’t stop talking. “Mama, please make her stop!” my brother cried as my parents tried not to laugh out loud.
Intense. Tightly wound. A lot. (Some of you can relate.) And of course, we say, “If I’m too much, go find someone who is less.”
I wish that everyone like this, those of us who are “a lot” could have at least one person who loves and adores us just as we are. I would allow my grown kids to speak for themselves on whether they would say they are that for me—I am certainly that for them. I know they love me. But my ONE biggest supporter has always been my husband. He is the rarest of all rare gems. I truly believe at times that he is an angel sent to be with me on this journey because my creator knew I would never thrive without ONE. I could never be who I am or do what I do.
If you are one that has been called any of the above things, please know you are not alone. There are many of us here on planet earth who feel we don’t belong. We are not at home here. We don’t have a friend tribe like they always do on those TV shows. Sadly, many take their own lives or fall into massive depression (been there) as they try to cope and understand this shit-show they have been dropped into. But I get ahead of myself a little.
After the healing began, after the book was published, I did of course continue my Seeker journey. In fact, I felt as though I was released to now go out and explore my spiritual life way more and in a larger way than I had done before—over the last 12-14 years, because I had set aside or dealt with the largest wound I needed to heal, the biggest thing that had been holding me back for so many years. Finally, with a huge sigh of relief, I knew I could move forward.
One thing I will drop into your hands immediately is that I have come to believe more of an Eastern mindset or faith system than a Western Judeo-Christian mindset or belief. Though there is a lot of crossover (things I do believe that Western Christianity believes.) I still haven’t and won’t “pick a religion” as we seem to be forced into doing, by controlling mankind. For those who need to label me, call me a Seeker—it seems to work best.
One thing I have really come to believe on a Zoomed Out level (perspective) is that we are all (all of humanity) seeking the same thing—God/Source/Truth. We all want to know where we came from, Who or What made us, How we got here, ya know, just the basics. (The BIG basics.) Those questions we all ask in our lives. Why are we even here?
I once had a totally Judeo-Christian understanding or thought that has now, after much reading, research, seeking—CHANGED totally. I will endeavor to explain some of that or at least show you how and what I believe to be true as I see it, throughout these pages. It will ooze into and out of all that I say. Think Eastern though, more than Western, (some of you know what that means contextually.)
As has become apparent, I did not find healing and wholeness in the standard American Christian experience. For several years, I found friendship, hope, a way of life, community, a place that helped me grow a bit and gave me the “launching pad” from which I could try to help others or be of service. But, as stated in the previous book, I had a large tumor-like wound inside me that nobody even touched, nor did I feel at liberty to discuss it in the church. Or to discuss it in our society, for my whole life. Those who have been through similar trauma know what I mean. It isn’t talked about—we stuff it down, we don’t air our private dirty laundry, we don’t fling open the doors to our closets and let our skeletons come screaming out. But it is the way. It is the ONLY WAY. The ONLY way out is through. We have to let it come to the surface, shine light on the darkness and allow the long arduous healing process to begin.
I study (heavily these days) psychology and one thing that is trendy these days with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and some of the other popular current therapy methods is that—they don’t really want to talk about your trauma anymore like they did 20 or 40 years ago. They actually don’t want to talk about it any more than is necessary to understand you and what happened to you. It’s not the way the modern-day therapist works (and I am generalizing here). They want to grab you where you are and help propel you into a more functional human being, ever-forward, never looking back. Or rarely looking back.
The issue I have with these methods is that, without ever truly facing what happened to you, at least for me, there was and could be NO healing. I had to dig it out, process it, look at it, FEEL it, and then learn how to let it go. (They are way better at helping you let it go.) So, in my opinion, it is valuable for a person seeking today’s brand of therapy, to already have come to terms with your trauma before you ever get to their couch. How does one do that? This is the $4,000 question. I can only share some of the ways I did it. I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I study psychiatry (take classes continually) because it helps me, informs me, and it lights me up—it’s just something I am very interested in and I have always been a studier of human behavior. In recent years I became certified (in holistic medicine) for Art Therapy and also got a Life Coaching certificate, simply as a way to help both myself and others should that come to pass. I’ve garnered what I believe to be a cache of wisdom but it has not necessarily been on a traditional path.
Also, something I can drop into your hands, is that I am coming face to face (in my spiritual journey) with what one might call spiritual gifts or supernatural giftings or callings. I have had some but never pursued them, believing in my churchical days that they may not be perceived well, or God forbid, they may label me a Prophet or some such and make a big stink about it. The introvert in me didn’t like that plan. Also, I didn’t really LOOK at them, I shoved them aside. Fear, or whatever. I didn’t want to mess with it all.
I have had what was called in churches “Words of Knowledge” wherein I knew something about someone I could not possibly have known. Out in the real world they may call that a bit of psychic ability. (Funny, when it is in the church, they call that a good thing, but if it is outside the church it is considered by the old-timers to be evil or demonic. Poppycock. There’s an old-fashioned word for ya.)
I have also experienced dreaming or being in a meditative state and seeing things that later come true. I am greatly empathic and intuitive and had–I mean HAD to learn about borders and boundaries so as not to be overwhelmed with other people’s lives and emotions. I always knew, for example, I could never be a doctor or a nurse because of how I “match energy” so easily. I feel what others feel. That is a TOUGH way to live. If you are similar, you know what I mean. I protected myself by playing up my introverted side, by having big boundaries about the energy (people) I would allow myself to be around. Still do that. Have to.
People would tell me when I was younger that I could be a “chameleon” in that I knew how to get along with and connect with a lot of different kinds of people. Also, girlfriends thought I was a “goody-2-shoes” (don’t know where that saying started) and did not understand that I could see where something was heading and I did NOT want to go there. I always see three or four steps ahead which is a personality trait as well as a gift. (And sometimes feels like a curse.) My bosses would call me negative because I could take their plan and tell them all of the potential pitfalls and why a plan likely wouldn’t work out the way they wanted it to. It’s not a popular trait (though it could be so valuable if people would listen!). Hubs has this same gift. He butts heads at work a lot.
So, whatever you believe or I choose to believe about these gifts, as part of my spiritual journey, I am acknowledging them and accepting them, and have to believe they may increase as I do this, but I am open to whatever Source wants. I get “woo-woo” sometimes, people. It’s gonna happen more.
Understand that I am all about “what others think about me is none of my business” so if you can’t handle the woo-woo, go in peace.
Much of what was and is considered to be witchcraft and demonic is simply people with giftings, people with an ability and a desire to grow herbs and plants and to draw close to nature and that are very into natural holistic modes of healing (brewing their potions and salves) for healing, NOT for harm. They burned people for that. Ridiculous.
Some have and do take a gift and then they (as a person) choose to go to the dark side. It happens. Some pretend to have gifts that don’t so that they can dupe people.
Let’s talk demons and possession. This is something I have read about and seen videos and think about a lot. I think (right at this moment anyway) that I DO believe it can happen. A person can become possessed or even just influenced by a demon or just a negative spirit or energy. Everything that is not alive and breathing is NOT a demon, though, as Christianity would have us believe. Sometimes spirits (who are people like us who no longer have a physical body) come visit. They watch us and hang out because they love us and are fascinated by us. Everyone always says, “they’re stuck” and I gotta believe, because of all I have learned, they are NOT stuck. They have a reason to be here. Most of the time it is because they have loved ones they want to be near. I believe that low-vibrational people become low-vibrational spirits and if they were mischievous in life they will be as a spirit as well. There is such a thing as bad energy carried around by some spirits and we must learn how to avoid that.
ALL that I have come to believe over the last months and years, I will share here.
I have come to believe that everything is energy and vibration. Have you ever watched those videos where they will place sand or water on a platform and play music under it? Have you ever seen how beautiful and glorious and mind-boggling those patterns are? The sand will leap itself into the most beautiful, artistic, amazing shapes, patterns. This is a way of proving to us that patterns exist. That vibration is everything. Tune your channel accordingly. You choose to vibe high or low. (How? What do you think and speak all day long? Is it positive or negative? Do you think that generates positive or negative energy and vibrations? What do you think it attracts to it?) If you’ve never really thought about that before, I challenge you to do so.
You ever notice how we humans can get stuck in patterns of behavior and can make the same mistakes over and over again? Some call that a Karmic loop. You have a negative experience so you speak of it in a negative way. You speak negative all the time. Your life and experiences become more and more negative. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You ever see positive people being all smiley and happy and living a great life and you just want to punch them? You want to know why them and not you? They’ve learned how to handle their stuff. They’ve learned how to be in control of their minds, bodies, emotions, rather than their emotions constantly taking off on their own and dragging you along behind. They’ve broken that cycle of negativity. It is mind-blowingly simple. (Not easy, due to our programming.) Just stop. Stop complaining all the time. Stop allowing everything or anything negative to come forth out of you. Control it. I’m not saying “don’t have emotions” I’m saying learn how to observe them and let them pass, NOT control you.
You know I have had to learn this lesson because I have told you what an empath I am and how I pick up on EVERYthing. I had to learn these things and yes it took me years. I wish it wouldn’t have. I wish someone like me would’ve come along and said, “Hey, listen, there’s an easy fix for that.” And that I would’ve listened to them and tried it out. It’s a simple experiment you can do for a month or 6 months, but give it time, because the universe doesn’t operate on your time table.
VERY important to mention here is this: DO NOT judge where someone else is. Why? Some are in a totally different place than you are and that does NOT make them less than. We are all learning different lessons we were sent here to learn, at different times. Our journeys will not ever look (from the outside) the same. We are not Stepford Children. (If you don’t know what that means, look up Stepford Wives.)
Everything is energy and vibration. What you tune into is what you attract. It’s called The Law of Attraction and it is Universal Law, meaning it always works, every time, throughout the universe. We humans are confounded by the simple. Try it out. What have you got to lose? Negativity? Being stuck in a loop? This is not religion, my friends, it’s science. It works. It’s proven. It’s what energy does.
You and I are energy, BTW, which is why I finally became convinced that we are eternal. As Source, we have always been and will always be. The only question is where. (We are splinters, you might say, of Source. He is in us.)
I know I’m dropping a lot of stuff here but try to stay with me. This is a great segue into talking about HELL.
I have found in reading many theologians, archeologists, historians, the smartest of the smart, NDEs out the wazoo (Near Death Experiences) that there is no evidence that there is an actual literal hell. Many theologians will back me up on this. There is Gehenna, which was an actual place, a fire pit where they threw dead bodies and those with leprosy and the like ended up there. It was an actual fiery pit. It is NOT where we go when we die. I believe this, my friends, whole-heartedly, that we have been under wrong teaching and wrong interpretation about this for years. Why? Man’s agenda. “Religious people” and leaders, believe it or not, can sometimes have, and often did back in the day, an agenda all their own. They wanted to control people, frighten them, and convince them of a hateful, vengeful God bent on casting them into the lake of fire if they did wrong. Pretty powerful imagery, right? You see, MEN have a desire (I mean mankind) to see justice and revenge and all manner of things. “If you do this or don’t do that you will go to hell.” They meant to scare the shit out of people to get them to behave themselves, and it sometimes worked.
The other side of the coin is this:
I believe Source (and that’s what I call God in order to differentiate from the one I was taught wrongly about) is a Creative Benevolent Being. MEN want to see certain people burn in hell. Source does not. He is LOVE. And a love we cannot fathom. If we could fathom it we would know in our deepest intuitive spirits and souls that what I am saying is true. It is not in Source’s nature.
This one thing right here has driven more people away from God and Christianity and Religion than any other single thing. We don’t understand who or what God/Source is. We cannot fathom it. Our spirits are trying to tell us different than what church/bible tells us. It’s that nag (tap-tap-tap) of spirit that took me out of church.
There are physicists and scientist alive today who have come all the way around from Atheism to a belief in an intelligent creator, because they get to a point where they say, “Okay, then what created THAT?” Because underneath it all is still a creative force they do not understand and that science has never acknowledged. The more they look at and the more they understand, the more they see that there is something they do not understand. The creative force behind it all.
I have had a vision that—there is one truth and only one thing that happened, and we are all everywhere, all at the same time, trying to understand it from our own limited perspectives and knowledge. There’s just one What Happened. There can only be one. Look at the shape of the pyramid and realize that as we all (in our own studies and our own cultures) go higher and higher in understanding we meet one day at the top. We converge, and then BOOM-we all see it. Source, the benevolent creator.
He Big-banged. He wanted others outside himself, (and oh by the way, he is not he), so he threw out his arm and Big-banged and the universes and the galaxies became and then began to evolve and grow and change. Source wanted to experience this. He (for the sake of argument) is IN us, learning what we learn, seeing what we see, and when we die, we go back to our home, we report in, we look over our life’s journey, we all learn from it, and in an attitude of welcome and the most powerful love you have ever felt, you are welcomed back to your celestial home with Source. For the first time since entering planet earth, you feel at home.
And the final bomb I will drop on you about my beliefs is this: I absolutely believe in reincarnation. More and more and more people are beginning to see it as the only way of explaining a LOT of stuff. Past-life regression. Kids being born that actually still remember their previous life. Many children do but are “taught” out of it as they grow. In some ways they are more intelligent than we are when they are born. Closer to their experience with Source. And kids are being born smarter every generation. (Have you seen my six-year-old grandson who taught himself Mindcraft?) They are being born with more in their DNA than we had. Because evolution is a part of what Source created. We are evolving. And many of you know it. You know it and you’ve seen it and seen strange things and didn’t know how to explain it, but it is a part of Source’s plan—we keep learning, keep growing, keep changing, ascending to higher and higher levels of awareness and understanding. Your “Religion” tells you these things can’t be so—and meanwhile the angels weep. We have gotten it so wrong, my friends. SO wrong. But we did the best we could for that time, but this is a new time, we know more. We CAN know more. We are fractals of the Living Source and Creator of all things. Think on that. Pray on it. I believe your spirit will tell you the truth of it.
Went into preach mode there. It’s a thing. But I find these things to have been proven out to me. If you only ever study the bible, you’ll only ever know the bible. Source wants you to learn so much more. He did not say Stop learning and growing from this time forward, but that is how it is taught. We’ve missed the mark there.
Open your hearts and minds and discover what life was MEANT to be for us. There is so much more.
((More excerpts in the coming months.))
((For questions or discussion–if you-(like me)–just like to discuss these things– find me at plswyers@gmail.com))