As of today, May 3, 2019, these are conclusions I’ve come to.
- The secret to life, the universe and everything is not just 42 (ask me if you don’t understand this reference) but is also CONNECTION.
- I’ve come to realize that the only way to have peace on small levels (in the home) or large (on the world’s stage) is to find true loving connection with other humans. To be so well and confident in one’s self that you can truly relate, without baggage, to others, in a kind, loving, respectful manner. And then to take that love to its fullest level—unconditional and ever-lasting. This is so rare and I believe it is the one thing we are all continually searching for. We are all usually so messed up and broken that we find it hard to relate in a healthy manner to others. And if we manage to get ourselves well, it’s tough to find someone else that is well enough to receive such a love.
- Although I’m still not sure about fate and destiny, I tend NOT to believe in it, but even so, I have found that, in looking back over my life, there are some truly amazing things that have come out of some tragic things, and I don’t know if this means that bad, sucky things are meant to be or that the universe loves redemption and bringing something good out of something bad. (This is a repetitive theme.) I DO NOT believe that bad, tragic things are God’s will.
- Call it Karma or the law of sowing and reaping, but I have observed that hard work and perseverance pays off, almost every single time. I’ve yet to see every bad guy get their come-uppance, but I’d like to believe that happens, too. (But each of us is a “bad guy” in some way in someone else’s story… so I ought not wish harm on the bad guy. I’ll leave that to the Higher Power.)
- I’ve been on a spiritual journey since age 7 when I found an old hymnal and would sing songs, making up my own tunes, to go with the words, many of which I did not understand. Many of which I still do not understand. But it drew me, the idea that there was a benevolent God who loved and cared for me. And so it all began.
I was a part of very right-wing evangelical fundamentalist theology for many years and have since “searched” my way out of that into a different place… after many years of study, research and struggle, I have “landed” in a place where I KNOW very little but, because of many of my experiences, I tend to believe in an Intelligent Creator, though that no longer looks the way it did. I have found many American traditional religions to be restrictive, manipulative, and cause people to have zero sense of themselves or a necessary self-love. Somehow many religions are very good at making people feel small and worthless and keeping them in line, telling them exactly how to believe and who to be. Now, I know many people would argue they didn’t get that message, but I did. I learned a lot in churches, I learned a ton of leadership skills, found a sense of community, and saw people love on each other, so I’m not saying it’s all bad or wrong. To each his/her own. But I likely will never be a part of an organized religion again. For me, breaking away has been liberating and has taught me to find healing, therapy, and help to get WELL and get my head on straight. It’s what it took for me, but no judgments. Again, to each his/her own. Do what works for you.
I don’t judge any religion harshly (except for any extremists that would advocate killing or hating others).
I KNOW very little these days, but I do know that restrictive religions are not for me. I will decide how to chase my God and live my life. I will never hand that power over to anyone or any organization again.
I believe all religions have humans and therefore have agendas that are not at all god-like. But that’s just me.
- I know that I am ready and open for real, authentic and loving connections. I know I will meet the right people at the right time. I seek to have these kinds of relationships with my family first and then outward from there.
- There is no friend like a friend who will sit and listen to you ramble and struggle, without judgment, who will sit with you in the dark places. I will call out my friend Laura as one who—though we disagree on some things theologically—will and has been there for me through many rough times. What a gem. I need more of that, and I wish it for you, too.
- I know that I have dropped all of my masks. I think most people go through much or all of their lives (unintentionally) putting on different hats or masks for different people in their lives—spouse one, church one, family one, friends one…etc., but I no longer do that. I’ve always been a very “for real” person and I think I’ve brought that to its fullest extent by dropping all masks. I will be the same ME to anyone I relate to. If anyone doesn’t like it, that’s on them. It’s been such a powerful and empowering thing for me. I no longer live to please others, that’s not what I’m called to do, I don’t think anyone is. But I will always care about my family and hope they love me as I am. (Family includes those close inner-circle friends.)
- If you don’t have your health (mental, emotional, spiritual, physical) you have nothing.
Two pages, and I’m spent for now. Until the next installment…. Who knows what I’ll have learned by then??? Love to you.