November 7, 2021 aka It Is What It Is

I sat down the other day and wrote a loooooong blog, only to realize there was an issue and it wouldn’t post and I lost it (because I didn’t write it in Word first like I sometimes do, but tried to save myself a few seconds of work.) Bit me in the butt. We’ll see if it works today.

Trying to stay steady, to maintain. Our lives are good and we are grateful but many that we know are struggling hard in one way or another. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer in any way, and know there is nothing you can do but hope, pray (if you do), and wait it out. It Is What it Is. My most used phrase of the 2020s. When you can do nothing, you have to lay it down, let it go. Grieve when you must.

I am certainly a person who could easily make myself sick with worry, but I swore a long time ago Not to be that person, or at least to work hard on learning to let go of what you cannot control or change. I think that is one of the hardest lessons to learn–to stay steady in the midst of chaos or pain or stress. I’ve come a long way but have not totally arrived. The danger is going too far in the other direction and hardening your heart, putting too many walls up, forgetting how to love and care. No danger there, at least I’ve always felt too sensitive for my own good. (Thus the need to learn these lessons, build some kind of walls, lest I allow myself to be utterly destroyed.)

The world has changed so much these last few years as to sometimes seem unrecognizable. Many say it’s God’s wrath, but I never buy such answers, mainly because any God I could believe in, would never dole out such hurt and suffering on the good and the bad alike. There seems to be no justice at all to be had. I think it’s life on planet earth, viruses happen, shit happens, if you will, and it lands on all of us alike. Tidal waves, earthquakes… not the hand of a loving God at all, just life on this spinning ball. We like tidier answers than that, but I think that’s the truth of it.

Life happens. Shit happens. Illness and death happen, even to the good, the faithful, the kind, the believer and non-believer alike. That cannot be justice, therefore it cannot be the hand of any just god. Simple math to me.

For whatever reason, we have been planted here on this spinning ball and left (by and large) to fend for ourselves. The true colors of humanity are coming to the forefront, some good, wonderful, kind… many power-mad or simply mad and concerned only with themselves. Either the scale has tipped toward the dark side, or we just never knew how many hurting, broken people there were out there before the internet age. (And by that I mean, the hurting broken ones that decide to turn ugly and act out in various ways.) Not all who wander are lost, not all who are hurting choose to hurt others.

I’ll give this decade one thing, it isn’t going to be boring. Always some new “fresh hell” around the corner. It is what it is.

But there is still GOOD. If anything, I recognize the good now, more than ever. Good people. Good hearts. Heroes. Innocence that we don’t want to see destroyed. Hope, faith, gentleness, self-control… it does still exist. It stands out, now, and I mean the True, the Real, not just those that claim a particular faith, but the Real shows up and comes through. Those that are genuine and kind are beacons of hope in an ever-maddening world. And they exist in any and every area. These are my truest heroes. In these are where I place my hope.

I once thought only those in church (of faith) were the good ones. Then I thought those of faith were the deluded ones. And now I know that we are all one people, each doing the very best we can with what we know. Each choosing how best to cope, how to maintain our hearts, our kindness, in whatever way we choose, and we are fortunate to be able to do so. Those who cope, they each find their way… and those who cannot cope… I only hope they don’t allow despair to turn them to darkness, meanness, selfishness, hate.

We are (as humans) forever looking for pat answers, the black and white of it all, but we live in GRAY so there is this disconnect. The pat answers don’t speak to the gray, the real life issues and problems. The real people. We like our organization, to tick all the boxes, sum people up and file them away, but we are so much more than that. People are so much more than a checkmark.

If only we opened our eyes to what and who we could be to and for each other, stopped the dividing lines, and began to embrace each other again. Sometimes what is so hard, is seeing what it could be… what we could be. I see it. It seems an unreachable goal, but I can almost taste it.

But here we are, in the gray, and it is what is. Peace to you all, my friends. Stay safe and love each other.

August 2021

It’s the end of August and I haven’t blogged for a bit. Upgraded my phone and laptop this year and we bought a new (to us) home, so we have been busy.

It seems like the last few years have been about new beginnings, but like over and over. I am so ready to SETTLE in for a bit. We love our area and the friends we’ve made in Central Florida. We adore our new place and the neighborhood seems to be very amenable to walking and being outdoors and making friends. If I can get some cooler temps coming in (which should be soon) I want to start walking outside instead of just doing my bike in the house. I have been enjoying the pool though during this summer heat.

Now if we can just get Covid and its many mutations to Go the F Away and stay away. If only. My hopes are that the world (and our state) will be far more clear of this mess by Christmas.

What a couple years, eh? Batshit. The fear, the Unknown, the lack of control we all felt (that some handled better than others) and the complete inability for some to accept what was happening… (all totally normal, I suppose, under the circumstances). We all have had such different experiences and backgrounds, our personalities can be so utterly different, different ages, all sorts of things, so, of course, we respond uniquely. If there is anything we humans (maybe especially Americans) love, it’s control. It’s being in the know. We want the skinny and we want it NOW.

But I wonder how we will recover in the long-term. How can we ever go back to who we once were? Maybe the answer is that we cannot. I truly hope we can be smarter, more compassionate, more willing to share with one another in an atmosphere of love and acceptance… but I don’t see evidence of it. Our world, our nation has been rocked and it has changed, I’m not sure for the better. A lot of people, myself included, are more afraid to fly than ever before. (And I’m not even talking about the risk of the virus, but how people have been behaving.) There are more (or at least more obvious) mental health issues than ever before. We’ve all been traumatized. Some folks just don’t seem well, not at all. Kindness and compassion go out the window and full-on meltdowns are the go-to response to, well, anything. It’s like we’ve had ENOUGH and cannot take any more.

Where in the world will we end up?? Heaven only knows.

Early on in the pandemic, I found some ways for me to cope. 1) I take one day and one decision at a time. It helps me NOT to feel overwhelmed. 2) I had my “F U” moment. I think everyone needs this, the moment where you scream at the top of your lungs “F you and F that and F Covid!” Etc, etc. Mine lasted a bit. I had some old stuff to get out, and this helped me more than anything I’ve tried, to destress, let go of old anger and old stuffed trauma and memories. Anger and hurt that is stuffed down will find its way out, be it days, weeks, or years later. It comes out physically and emotionally and can and does make us sick. The Only Way Out is Through. I learned to stop stuffing. 3) similar to 2, and this began even well before the pandemic, I take care of myself and have gotten a little therapy, learned to be fully myself, have my opinions and independence, and without beating up others in the process.

I’ve learned that I’m not just okay, I’m more than okay. I love and I am loved. I love and care for myself and my uniqueness and I value it. All those old messages of Not being quite good enough have been kicked to the curb and have no power over me now. I don’t feel the same pressures I used to, to fit in or make others happy. I am me, come along for the ride or get away, I really don’t care anymore. (Some of this freedom comes with age!) As we get older, and also having been through times of crisis, we can more clearly see the ridiculousness of some of the things we used to fret about. Ideally, old falsehoods and bad habits and attitudes burn away. I focus on health, in every area.

I’m a recovering perfectionist, still working on it. I believe it goes along with trying too hard for too many years to please everyone around me. It made me critical. I still struggle with this every day, but I have my head on straight finally.

I take responsibility (and this is a biggie) for me. For all I do or say. I don’t do the blame game or gaslight or manipulate others in order to make myself feel better. I see way too much of this behavior in the world today, and I refuse to participate. But neither do I apologize too frequently, or if I genuinely have no reason to; I live an unapologetic real life.

I was thinking about people who cut (hurt themselves) or have other methods of what I believe to be Release. For me, writing is a release, even if I repeat myself or vent or make no sense at all. Drawing, painting, and being creative helps me, too. I was thinking about how we can learn more positive forms of “pressure release” so that so many people don’t have to go through life self-medicating or self-harming, just to get by. We’ve got to get better. We have to do BETTER.

I truly hope and pray we humans grow from these past months and years. That we learn to cope without hurting ourselves or others. I truly hope for healing.

Peace Out for now my friends-