Tag: love

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A Day in the Life

Been in therapy a few weeks and just when I begin to wonder if it’s working, I’ve had a couple big breakthroughs, so that’s cool. Pressing on. I’ve stopped looking at things in the same way and feel I can finally focus on forward movement. Now if I could just feel well-rested, those days are great. Rough night last night.

So many people with their opinions of what is right, but they only think “This is Right for All” instead of “This is Right For ME!” If people could just change that one little thing… and I behave the same way often myself. Cuz when you work hard for your belief system and it makes sense to you, it’s tough not to want everyone else to jump on board. But we need to allow each other to have the voyage, the journey, the struggle. It’s what grows us and makes us strong. America was founded on Freedom of Religion, so obviously it was important to the founding fathers. I can’t help but think so many things about our country. I love it here, I know it’s still a great place to be compared to some others, but also… there is so much wrong.

I mean that Thanksgiving pilgrim fantasy we all had… we now know it was all much bloodier than what we like to say each year in November. We have so much more knowledge now… and change is hard for people. Sometimes believing the new information is difficult to impossible for the Old School folks. But we have to be open-minded enough to take in new facts, new information, or we’re just dinosaurs. (And will become extinct, just the same.)

Terroristic shootings have become the norm now, not just the occasional random horror… we’ve become used to it because the far right informs us, we cannot mess with gun laws… and children still die, innocent people still die. There must be a better way. There must be a way to both be able to defend ourselves and our homes and families, while protecting the innocent, and for crying out loud, get people the mental healthcare they need. Lock people up and keep them there, when that is what is necessary. I can’t believe that there is a country as wealthy and large as we are that can’t figure this shit out. Our priorities are skewed. That has become horribly apparent. People just plain don’t want change. They want to say, “I want to go back there,” when there is no going back. We have to deal with the shitstorm that is here and now.

Anyway, unscheduled rant happened.

I am a patriot, believe it or not. The same people I disagree with, I would stand shoulder to shoulder with–to protect them if necessary. But I am not a nationalist. I love people of every background and nationality. The politicians are the ones to hate, if you feel you must, but please don’t take it out on people of other countries, just trying to live, raise their kids, get by. I have friends (thanks to the internet) from lots of different countries, and I have found us to be more alike than different. We all want peace. We all want security, friendship, decent jobs. Take the politics out of it and we are much the same underneath.

Unscheduled rant over. I believe in good, hardworking people, and they can be found all over the globe. If we could just get the politicians to stop shaking their fists at one another and learn to live and let live. But we likely won’t. We may very well destroy ourselves. I truly hope not. But good, kind people do still exist. We need to stand up and make our voices heard, too.

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Light Bugs in a Jar

Light Bugs in a Jar

 

Like light bugs in a jar, I keep your love.

Stashed away, never releasing it, but clasped in tight fingers.

Come here, be with me, then go.

Go away, but not too far.

Stay where I can see your bright lights shining like home.

 

Light my path and keep me warm

As surely as the summer sun.

Then, as the sun in Autumn, go about your business.

Still, I know you will return,

Bright lights shining the way home.

 

Find me always, my bright one

Like a torch as you search me out

Just out of reach, but your shadows seen

So, when I cry out you draw near,

And kiss my face with the warmth of you.

 

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All You Need is Love. (No, really.)

So, I deconstructed my whole world view over the last fifteen years, no biggie. (Actually, very big biggie.) It has also taken me that long to put myself out there and try to make sure that all of the people I care about and that care about me, now know the real me. Old friends, new friends, childhood friends, family, all of them.

My truth (my experience and POV) is that organized religion serves to separate people and pit them against one another (much like political divisiveness.) Not God-bashing or even faith bashing, just religion bashing a little, I guess. Because it teaches an unreachable perfectionism. Because you only see people in terms of if they’re in or out and all you wanna do is get them IN at all costs, then feel better about yourself. It’s Us vs Them in its most basic form and its archaic.

It claims unconditional love while giving you lists of conditions. Saying “Love the sinner, not the sin” is simply going around calling everyone sinners. People are simply people. Real. With feelings. Capable of great love and good and also great evil and bad. Period. After coming out of the church, I have found more unconditional love than ever, and also hurting and broken people that have been chewed up and spit out and taught that they should both be perfect and also that they never will be and it screws people up. Perfectionism. Very conditional love. Jumping through hoops.

I believe religions were started thousands of years ago (and many have come and gone over the years) to try to rally people together with a common goal and to be able to sort of herd the sheep, control the masses. Teach them of a scary wrathful God and keep them in line. Otherwise, they cannot be trusted.

If you haven’t loved someone completely different from yourself, you will never get what love really is. We’ve got to stop dismissing people because they do not look the same, dress the same, have a different sexual orientation, see politics differently.

Have you ever sat with someone across the table and looked in their eyes and just listened? Not with an ear to tell them how it ought to be but just really tried to understand them? Someone totally different than you. Have you ever felt yourself loving them without trying to change them?  If not, then you’ve never truly grasped what love is.

To love is to meet someone exactly where they are, and to accept them there as well. Not try to talk them into being more like you, no, but just trying to give them the freedom to be themselves. To stand up for them against all comers, even if you don’t necessarily agree with everything they do. All humans should have basic dignity and respect. All. Not just the ones in Your group, Your race, Your tax bracket, (or whatever).

It’s a new and different world from 1,000 years ago, from fifty years ago, from ten. If we can’t grow along with the world, we’re screwed. It was once all about nationalism and Us vs Them and the world can never truly change under that, there will never be peace, (and of course religion teaches that peace is an unreachable goal, blah blah) because they don’t want anything to change. Those in control will always want to remain in control. Control your thinking, your actions, your very feelings. Which is why I am always banging on about reading, learning, growing, and thinking for yourself. If you’re the exact same person you were twenty years ago, you haven’t grown at all.

All we need is love, to quote a famous musician, and he was called a hippie and so am I but we’re not wrong. But first we must tear down the old things that do not know and understand real love. Sometimes those things are deep within ourselves.

Peace Out, peeps.

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How I feel TODAY (September 10) and also, coping with fear and crisis

The world cracks and I end up in my bubble, cocooning, then watch so much crime TV that I’m stressed out all over again. Why do I do it? I do so love my detective stories. Most recently a lot of Brit Box and Acorn TV stuff.

I was thinking earlier today about how we all respond so differently to crisis. Fight or Flight broken down into many subcategories. Some run away, some fight by angry posts and fear-mongering, themselves overwhelmed by their own fear and confusion, up to and including violent outbursts. Some need to figure out and fall back and study everything, trying to find answers, weed through the crap-ton of crap and wheedle out a bit of truth. Some hide away completely. Some lose their ability to cope entirely. Some fear the end of all things and give in to the “The Sky is Falling” mentality.

Soooo much change these days. Look at just the change of going from a society without internet to a society WITH it. MAJOR change. We are bombarded with information day & night, and unfortunately, we have as much constant access to BS and conspiracy theories and extremist rants as to anything resembling reality. And it’s blasted hard for most to tell the difference. Our fears are played on, we’re manipulated and dance to tunes we never should be listening to. The only way I cope is by Zooming Out.

It’s good to step back, get away from all the noise and get your own senses in order again. It’s also good to protect yourself from the madness all around us.

I think planet Earth has been around a very long time and will be here long after this current crisis has come and gone, and may indeed still be around after we humans kill ourselves off. Civilizations rise and fall, it has always been thus. I think if planet Earth feels like we’re warring against her, she may very well win the battle in the end. We’re a plague of locusts to her.

I’ve come to believe that most truth is to be found in scientific provable fact. It gets difficult when fact is hard to winnow out and we begin to mistrust everything and everyone. Many fall back on their faith systems because, well, they’ve been taught to for one, and also they have no utter idea how else to cope but to hope and pray that something or someone somewhere (ie their God) is on top of things and in control. Cuz dammit someone needs to be. We don’t like it when we feel that things are out of control; never have, never will.

When I began to deconstruct out of my earlier faith system and worldview, it was scary, as HELL. I used to believe that I was super-protected by an invisible force. As I began to disbelieve that, it rocked my world. It’s the easiest thing in the world to run and hide and be afraid of everyone and everything, (and I was going through all of this way before we ever heard of Covid-19, a whole other reason to be shaken or frightened.) It started as much as twelve or fifteen years ago.

But life is scary, WAS scary even before the pandemic. It always will be. It takes courage indeed to press on when all you’ve ever thought to be real, comes crashing down around you. I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this in one way or another. Maybe your faith system hasn’t changed but your world has been rocked by things happening we all never believed could happen. By our constant access to negativity, fear-mongering, and way too much information coming at us all at once. In some way, we’ve all been shaken.

But. Strangely, I have found peace. I find peace in art. In the ocean. In the eyes and faces and hearts of some truly beautiful people. I find it by turning OFF the noise and social media (for the most part) and hearing from individuals. By people helping people to cope and get through. There are still so many good folks in this world. Hurting, confused, but good. We have to help each other through this, but with love, compassion and a listening ear. Put away the biased rants, the blame-game, and just hug someone, just love someone.

I was once so afraid to let anyone IN. I still kinda can be. But if we ever needed each other, it’s now.

Hope floats. Love heals. Peace wins.

Peace Out.

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My POV aka Don’t be Too Crunchy

I like my blog. It’s my POV. I don’t have to argue with people about why I do the things I do or explain or justify, I can just say what I wanna say. Done and done.

I will never get this particular brand of Trump-mania. The blind-following. Crying “censorship” when anyone disagrees with your rhetoric. When people try to stop the flow of nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good conspiracy theory, I have several of my own, but also I am smart enough to understand that they are just that, and as such, it would not be prudent for me to fling them all around the world claiming them to be fact. I reserve those discussions for those I sit and chat with and hang out with, and hey maybe that’s another negative to this pandemic thing… we can’t just sit and have coffee with our buds and spout out our wild conspiracy theories. in a safe environment, safe in knowing that my bud knows when I’m on the edge of koo-koo but we both know it and it won’t leave the room. I like spouting the crazy, but not publicly. Just for fun, just to vent. But in this environment it has become just a bit too easy for people to latch on and start claiming things as fact that are indeed, just theory.

I think the pandemic is making us all a bit too crunchy, too on the edge…. we are not all behaving rationally. We latch on to something just to feel like we have something to latch onto. Pausing long enough to really think has gone out the window, and heaven forbid any of us might be seen to admit that we may have been wrong about something or someone. Our egos won’t allow that. So we hang on for dear life to that which is ugly and wrong and destructive.

If I rant a lot about anything these days, it is to Think for Yourself. Slow down. Zoom out. Find your logic and common sense. Stop getting caught up in the nonsense. (And know you will be embraced and loved, by those that matter, if you find yourself in a position to have to say “Hey maybe I was wrong.”) Give peace a chance. And common sense. And love for your fellow humans. Calm. Logic. Thoughtfulness. It may be harder to find these days, but it can indeed be found and embraced.

Be good to someone today. It’s the right thing to do. Defeat all that darkness with your light. Be the voice of reason in the midst of chaos.

and Peace Out!

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Blogolicious Jan 2021 (life in the time of covid-19 and extremism)

So, yeah. the world has gone crazy again. I deactivated my Facebook account, again. (Once again I feel like a stranger in a strange land, like a lone voice crying out in the wilderness.) All those around me are crying “Havoc!” and letting loose the dogs of war.

As I see NBA players kneeling (now more fully understanding why they do this than I ever used to) and then read the vitriolic responses of the far right, I laugh, a mirthless chuckle. The extreme right does not care to understand, does not dare to open their hearts or minds to new thoughts or information. They don’t care about compassion and understanding but they do care if anyone rubs up against their narrow POV.

If a person hides themselves away refusing to look, read, learn, know anything outside of what they have always known, they will become more and more extremist. Any time you block yourself off from wisdom or knowledge or facts, and insist on only following a finite set of information, you set yourself up for cult-like extremist behavior. It’s bound to happen. History always repeats itself. Because the lessons that should have been learned have not been learned, not at all. When you know you’re right all the time and throw in a little religious fervor, look out. And some of them don’t even need the religion, they just need a cause to launch themselves behind, no matter how hateful it is.

Let’s say the number 5000 represented all the knowledge and wisdom and factual information available to us humans today. Some people will stop at 10. Some at twenty. Some at 4000. They will stop and say “I know it all! I know everything I need to know! Don’t talk to me about anything outside of this!” and “If you believe anything outside of THIS, not only are you wrong, but you’re stupid and evil, too.”

SMDH. Humans are so funny, but not in a laughable way, not today.

I’ve had enough of extremist view points. POVs that leave out compassion, talking with and discussing things calmly and logically with others, that refuse ever ever to (heaven forbid) listen to someone else’s POV. I see it every day. If you start to say something new to them, you can see the wall clang down as their minds and hearts close off. They have already made up their minds about everything til the end of time. They require no new information. It’s fear. It’s lack of maturity. It’s close-mindedness in the extreme.

There are some who follow me who are from a more, shall we say, conservative mindset. That’s fine. I get it. I’ve come out of some of that background myself. But many of you, even family members, do not know me, haven’t been around me for many years. I got to thinking that I know them quite well because they are the same in many ways as they have always been. But they do NOT know me. If you haven’t been around me in twenty years, I guarantee you do not know me. I’ve changed and grown a ton and been through a lot. I feel as though the universe itself said “I will bang your stubborn head on a brick wall until you open your mind and listen.” (The Universe apparently not being content to just let me be.)

Maybe it needs free thinkers, open-minded folks who are teachable enough and open-minded enough to grow along with all the changes that have occurred this century. Maybe people with open minds and hearts are in short supply so I was selected, I don’t know. I only know that I am a product of my experiences, (like most) though some seem to willingly shut themselves off from new experiences.

I’ve lived in a cave (metaphorically speaking) locked away from anything other than One POV, and there is certainly comfort in it. Soft, cozy. Warm.

The real world can be cold and harsh, but out there is where the fighting is, the true struggle. The struggle to be the best YOU you can become. This does not happen without ever having everything you believe in shaken and rattled, questioned, butted about, without something forcing you to face it all. (A new motto of mine is Question Everything, and that is so different than who I used to be.)

If you are someone who cares, I’ll share a bit about myself here (and goodness knows there are tons of blog posts here you can go back over, if you care to know me better, truly. Not just think you know me.)

I am not a Democrat or a Republican (I’m a registered Independent.) For the most part I do support police and military, first-responders, etc. I come from a military family and I will always support those who defend us with their lives. There have been times when certain officers have crossed a line and gone over to the bad place, and if you are a person of color, you know this. It breaks my heart.

Those on the far right might find themselves wanting to call me a snowflake liberal. Whatevs. If it helps you sleep better to put me in that box, by all means. Snowflakes are unique individuals, beautiful. I’ll take it. I DO care about people, I am a softy, no doubt. I love all people, want to see all people cared for and loved and supported, protected, and fed. If having a big heart and Big Love makes me a liberal, then call me that.

I am a writer with a fierce imagination. If I was a youngster in this day and age, they’d likely medicate me for my active mind and imagination. It’s a plate of spaghetti up there, I kid you not. I am ALWAYS thinking (which feeds into me not being able to sleep without some kind of sleep aid.)

I’m smart, but I’m a fish so don’t ask me to climb a tree. Don’t ask me about geometry but I am fascinated with physics and want to learn more. My “no likey maths” brain struggles with some of these things. I am certainly more of a right-brainer than a left-brainer (more creative, less mathy) but I am intelligent. I have an eye for color and design. I am highly organized at times, but can be more loosey-goosey when it comes to art. I have become a person who questions everything. I do have conspiracy theories but they may be different than most people’s.

Though most of my life people have treated me like a dumb blond, I’m actually a brunette. I’ve been underestimated and patted on the head hundreds of times, maybe thousands. But I am a woman, so there ya go. This is how they treat us.

On the whole, I am against abortion, however, I know people who have had them, I’ve sat with them and heard their stories and I don’t judge. Rape, incest, other real life problems factor in. For people who have never experienced crisis in their life, it’s easy to judge. I don’t do it. Also, the government shouldn’t be allowed to tell me what to do with my body.

White privilege is real. I never really understood it before I began to meet and know people from all walks of life, began to read about and hear their stories. Privilege is real. If you are not a person of color you cannot begin to imagine what life is like for one (neither can I). Many do not have the capacity to have empathy for anyone different from themselves. The color of your skin is an accident of birth, you had no choice in it. You’d better believe it.

I never ever look down my nose at the homeless, knowing that many of them had homes and families and so-called normal lives once, and then crisis hit and knocked them for a loop. It is not for me or for you to judge. (“There but for the grace of God,” etc., etc.) If someone told you once 20 years ago that they are all drunks and druggies and to be despised, time to re-think. Heaven forbid it should happen to you. Sometimes we learn lessons in the hardest of ways.

I believe firmly that this right-wing extremism thing is caused by people shutting themselves off from reality. They grow only so far, and then no more, refusing any and all new information. They read only one kind of book, watch only one station, surround themselves with people who are much the same as them. It’s cultish and dangerous, I’ve learned that well.

Now you know more about me. I am all heart, and that heart is broken these days. It is all just too, too much. I never thought I’d live to see such times.

It’s easy to just follow, to go along with what everyone else is doing, it really is. It’s hard to stop and say, “No more. I will think for myself. I will gather information and decide for myself.” It’s so hard, and at times very lonely. But for the first time ever, these last few years have taught me exactly who I am. I know exactly what I believe. (I know way less than I ever did in some senses… I no longer feel I know everything, that’s for sure. I am uncertain about a lot and that’s okay and as it should be. But I remain in a state of continued seeking, learning, and growing.) My mind and heart is open (if skeptical.)

I don’t know why I’m here, and I don’t want any more pat answers. But I am here and I am a writer, and so I will continue to do what I do as long as I can.

I love you, people. I really, really do. I hope you all, we all, remember our love and compassion, especially in such times.

Peace Out!

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The Women I Admire the Most

The women I admire the most are women who know themselves thoroughly and unabashedly. They’ve taken the time for introspection; they’ve healed their mess and look unwaveringly forward.

The women I admire the most laugh in the face of others’ expectations. They aren’t concerned with the constricting opinions of others but own who they are.

These women are kind and good and compassionate, (for they have known pain) and though they know how to stand apart and alone, they also understand creating community.

The women I admire the most insist on following their passion and purpose, so don’t bother trying to derail them or talk them out of it. They persevere in all things that matter to them.

They insist on continued growth and knowledge and are always looking forward to their next project.

The women I admire don’t always defer to others but know when to stand their ground and pick their battles with care. They are fierce in protecting the ones they love.

They understand boundaries and how to enact them when necessary. They also respect the boundaries of others.

Women are strong, but the best of them know when and how to wield their power and when to yield it and do not ever use it to manipulate and control others.

The women I admire most embody love and respect and choose their words carefully but will never be silenced.

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October Something

My God it has been so long since I blogged. What in hell have I been doing? I guess reading a ton, a little writing, a little arting, some game-playing and a lot of just trying to survive day to day.

I can feel it burbling and boiling and roiling (I was awake at 4 a.m. and the most provocative, insightful and genius thoughts and ideas were running through my head but I had NOT the ability to arouse out of the bed and jot them down, and so, as they tend to do, the little bastards flew away at the light of day.) But it is well past time.

I title this October Something because in reality I don’t know what day it is. (I rarely do.) I know it’s Thursday, that’s the best I can do. I haven’t the motivation to look it up. Who cares in the end?

I am trying to coax all of my wanderings and thoughts and rambles to come back out of hiding and come to rest on my shoulders again so I can get them down, blast it. Listening to a podcast (involving Russel Brand and Gabor Mate) which is firing up my little gray cells. The deep thoughts are lurking, waiting to pounce.

I just heard that even rats (they’ve done experiments) are known to have compassion. If you hurt them, they have a certain level of stress hormone. If you hurt the rat next to them, their stress is higher. They feel compassion and empathy. One could conclude it is something we mammals are born with. Then what the hell have us humans done to ourselves that so many have lost this ability? It boggles the mind.

We have lived within our narrow confining cocoons for so long, being told how to feel, what to feel, how to behave, and we’ve grown so comfortable with it. Such good little sheep we are. And now, in the age of the internet, we’re so hyper-aware of others’ thoughts and opinions, and we are freaking out and melting down. But still most people will tell you that THEIR ideology or worldview is the only one that is true and real and right. It makes me laugh.

All the many things that are so very unimportant is all that our world has chosen to focus on. We buy and buy, we hide and cry, our purchases not fulfilling us for long. We’ve gotten so very off course. 

Try to imagine what an enlightened race from another planet would think if they were observing us right now. The brainwashed far right spouting what they’ve always been taught (and are still being taught) is the absolute truth and right as rain (because, of course, what else would they spout when they’ve locked themselves away for decades, refusing to see anything else, anything new or different, any new thought or idea that may (heaven forbid) show us we’ve drifted far off course?) Cuz who wants to admit that may have been or may be wrong about anything? Certainly not a human American in 2020.

Or the far left or the far any-direction extremist of any background, who cannot, no, WILL not see anything that doesn’t fit their box? Willful ignorance, it’s a thing. Naivete’, simple ignorance (just not knowing, not having information) is one thing, but willfully refusing to learn, grow, study, THINK for ourselves is the true pandemic. Heaven help us all.

We’d much prefer to fit in with the Joneses of the Republican party or the Smiths of the Democratic, than to confront our own selves. To confront our own prejudices, biases, the WRONGness that surrounds us and is threatening to swallow us whole. (One might think that coming out of something very narrow and limited, I’d be more sympathetic, but I’m not.) Again of genuine ignorance I can be somewhat sympathetic, but a refusal to listen, to see, to seek, to grow, to ZOOM out and see the whole world as one large human family…. It’s at minimum, a pet peeve.

I never dreamed the world, humans, would behave in the ways I have witnessed in the last decade, hell, even the last year. I sometimes wonder if I might not jostle and stir and awake from a deep sleep and a bad nightmare. Awake to find people who genuinely reason out and think while loving their neighbors and friends. Who understand that we are all one (it isn’t us vs them, America vs every other country, white vs black, Christian vs Jew or more likely everyone else). We’ve lost it. Entirely. We’ve lost love.

If you’ve been raised to believe the sky is purple and made of marshmallow cream, you’ll grow up believing that with a religious fervor. No-one will be able to talk you out of it. And oh how the world would tilt on its axis if someone tried to tell you that there is actually oxygen in the air and the sky is more often blue than purple. And yes, much of what is going on these days is just this ridiculous.

We have a leader that openly bad-mouths women and minorities, talks and tweets continually in the most horrible and hateful (and ignorant) of ways, and many on the far right call him the second coming of Jesus. I literally have become convinced that there is nothing that man could do that would cause his followers to stop following him. He is untouchable. He is the King. They will literally follow him off a cliff. It’s Hitler-ish in its blind intensity. Yeah, so he can make your 401K gain more interest than ever before. Does this mean I would follow him? Praise him? Or even put up with him? People have lost all of their sense. 

One thing I believe Christianity teaches (wrongly) is that we must follow blindly whatever leader happens to be in office. I do not believe this is something God would want us to do, not any God I could follow. “Just put up with abuse, with wrong, bad leaders,” yeah like he told the people it would be better to wander desperate in the desert than to be under pharoah? One of many, many discrepancies in the bible as we know it. I don’t buy it, never will.

I’ve been reading a story about a family in Poland during the Nazi occupation, and any time I read about Hitler, I am reminded of just how easy it is to be blinded, to close our eyes to the tyranny in front of us. To blindly follow. It makes me want to vomit. Truly. It is the observing of blind-followers that makes me refuse to follow man-made religion ever again. It is just too easy to Jim Jones it, to frack it all up. There are far too many sheep on planet earth.

I won’t be a sheep, not ever. No matter how hard it will be or how many friends I lose, I will always follow my heart and conscience and science and fact. It’s lonely out here, but here I will stay.

I don’t hate, (not people anyway). I hate evil. I hate ignorance and darkness. I hate that there is such pain and abuse and hatred and bigotry on our planet, amongst our people. I hate (currently) that I have to be lumped into this thing called “humanity” alongside those who seem so inhuman, inhumane. 

Perhaps this is all growing pains, maybe since the internet age began we are just going through so many changes, too quickly and it is hard and maybe a certain amount of this BS is unavoidable, I do not know, but I fear the world my grandkids will deal with. Maybe every generation says the same.

The indomitable human spirit, though… Those who gave their lives to bring some information to the British government about the Nazi occupation. Those who risked their lives and often gave them, to hide people that were being murdered for no other reason than their country or religion of birth. (Do any of us have this kind of spirit, this kind of strength nowadays? I often wonder. I wonder if I do.)

If nothing else, this time in history is giving us a chance to stop and think and ponder about the nature of mankind, about our predicament, our circumstance. We are being given a chance to rediscover our empathy, our hearts, to keep our minds and our wits about us. I truly hope we don’t blow it.

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True, Big Love

I just saw a true portrayal of love… it was a show about a woman who’s nine-year-old son had been murdered by a very broken, distraught teenager. Towards the end of the show, she is confronting the killer (many years later). He’s telling the mother what happened, crying, apologizing, and another man, a friend of the mother’s, shows up with a knife and starts towards the killer. He intends to take his life. The mother steps in front of the killer, the one who had killed her son. She steps up, steps in. 

She knows he deserves it, has it coming, but she still stands between the man with the knife and the one who killed her son.

It kinda broke me.

What a portrait of love, big love, forgiveness, sacrifice. She was willing to take the knife into her own body for the guilty one. So very Christ-like, so very full of true, actual love.

Though I am not much into religion in an organized way these days, I do very strongly believe in the principles of love, forgiveness, sacrifice. I believe in big love, all encompassing love. The kind of love that says, “No more. Enough is enough.”

In a time when compassion and empathy can literally save the lives of our fellow humans, (but many can’t be bothered to care), it is a powerful and compelling story.

This is the kind of love I seek to always have. Sacrificial, big love that says, it’s not just about me.

Something to ponder.

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Love Hurts. (Yeah, yeah.)

I wrote a poem about this that is published in the book Heart of Courage but I wanted to talk a bit about this subject, as it is definitely something that defines who I am and it’s something I deal with every day. The idea that, if or when you decide to love someone fully, go “all-in,” you do it knowing full well that, (unless by some twist of fate, you die before everyone else you love), that you will one day experience excruciating, mind-altering, life-changing, gut-wrenching pain. I’ve run from this my whole life in one way or another.

I think I’ve been trying to prepare myself for my parents deaths my entire life, (or from the time I learned of death). Not to go all Sylvia Plath, but for a sensitive like me, learning about and trying to grasp death, and not just your own, but dealing with the deaths of loved ones, well, it’s a daunting prospect. Maybe, even, it is part of why I moved far away from my hometown and put down roots elsewhere. (Deep self-analysis going on here.)

I’ve never had a 30-plus year relationship with anyone before, so there was a time when, after five or seven years with my hubs, I began to get antsy and restless. Noting that I thought I was “all-in” when I married him, there still came a time when that restlessness kicked in. I’ll never forget that time of my life. I really began to struggle, because I knew in my heart that I loved my husband, but trying to shove down my natural inclination to bolt after the new wore off (which I had done my whole life) was difficult. It was one of the very few, and the most powerful and life-changing time, I felt God or the Universe or something deep and profound, speak directly to me. It basically said, “If you leave him, you will cause your sons more unbearable pain, (they had already been through my divorce from their father), your daughter will suffer greatly and will be changed forever. You’ll destroy your husband, a good man who loves you profoundly. Your own life will be a series of failed relationship after failed relationship, leaving an earthquake of damage behind you, everywhere you go.” Something like that. (I was literally shown a mental picture of the flux-capacitor from Back to the Future. If you don’t know what that is, just picture a huge fork in the road.)

I had a good cry, and still knowing I was messed up inside, I made the conscious choice to stay and truly commit and make it work.

All of that to get to the point, that I am so afraid of being left/hurt/broken by others, that I tend to bolt. This has affected every single relationship in my life. Family, friends, boyfriends, husbands… you name it.

Back when I made that decision to stay, it seemed to come with a promise. A promise that my life would go much better and easier, if I just made the right choice then and there. I do believe that has been the case. My life has not been perfect since then, and like anyone’s marriage, ours has had its ups and downs, but I can honestly say that we are better today than we have ever been.

I’m an “over-communicator’ and if you know me much, you know this. I have made sure that he and I have open lines of communication, even though I often have to take hours or days to really dig out of him what is on his mind. (He, like a lot of men, is not an over-communicator.) But we are so close. On our 20th (I think it was) we were asked at a restaurant if we were newlyweds. The waitress had noticed how we smiled and laughed together and held hands across the table. (We still do this. It’s sickening, really.)

My point is, every month, every year, I go more and more “all in” with my hubs. Because I am learning more and more every day how to be whole and healed, which helps me learn how to commit and love just a little more, a bit deeper.

This scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

Unless I go first, I will experience the worst pain ever, if he leaves me or passes away. It will ruin me, I know this. I know it because I have never known love like this before, but I’ve been hurt badly by people I cared about, and I know this kind of pain will blow all of that away.

This is scarier than anything else in my life. I don’t want to know that pain, but it is absolutely part of going all-in. Love is amazing, but sometimes Love Hurts. Intentionally or not. Putting your heart fully out there is opening yourself up to immense pain. I still haven’t perfected it. But I am committed to trying. The only other relationship I know that compares is my love for my kids and grands. A couple super-close friends.

But I have spent years perfecting the “dine – and – dash” of relationships. Most recently (since I’ve been married) I’ve been doing it with friendships. I’ve been a very sucky bad friend. I’ve at times avoided people I care about. I’ve even seemed to be pushing them away. This year I realized this a bit more, because, well, I am continually working on me.

If you are a friend that felt any connection with me and have been hurt by me pushing you away, I want to apologize. I’ve been a scaredy-cat. I’m afraid of being hurt, so I hurt others first, even though it took me some time to realize it. I don’t want to be that person.

And, of course, that said, there are a very few people I have pushed away absolutely on purpose (boundaries) and this is usually men who are misogynists or anyone that I feel I just do not connect with and we are just too different. I don’t have time or energy left to try to explain to someone wanting to be my friend, why I am the way I am on a daily basis, so, often times, I just cut off that relationship, be at peace. Go find someone more like you, if that is what you need. (That’s a very small few.)

Yeah, Love Hurts, and sometimes stinks, like the song says. I love people. I don’t always like them. They don’t always like me. I am so cool with that. Not gonna change me so that you can like me, but I am going to try harder to be kinder and gentler and friendlier to those I do genuinely connect with. I’m fighting my own demons over here, so please be patient. I’m learning.

The book Heart of Courage is available on Amazon-you can search my name to find it. It was written by myself and three other amazing poets from around the country: Nicholas Trandahl, Fiona Summerville, and Kelsi Rose. Pick it up if you have a mind to.

Peace Out

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Daily Blog Mon June 8 Coming Into the Light

Think I’ll make this another edition of “Things I’ve Learned” as well.

*There are no 2 people that are ever going to agree on everything and despite what social media tries to teach us, it’s okay.

*I seem to be drawn to good people, genuine people with awesome hearts (even when we don’t agree on every single thing on Earth.) I click with people or not. I value vulnerability, a recognition that none of us get out of this life with no scars. None of us are perfect and who gets to define “perfect” anyway? (Probably no-one.)

*Though I’ve been victimized in the past, that doesn’t make me a victim. I’m a survivor. Over the last twelve or fifteen years, I’ve been working on myself a ton, (some therapy, lots of just plain old hard work getting it together and processing old stuff and figuring out who I am now.) I feel like I was stuck in a certain area of growth for many, many years and it required me to push through some things, un-bury, feel, and push through.

To the outsider I know this has looked a bit odd, and some who genuinely care about me haven’t known what was up. I finally feel like I’m coming out of a tunnel, stepping into the light. And if I can feel good about that or anything at this moment in time with all that the world is going through, it must be real.

*Remember back in the pre-internet days when we could meet someone and like them and NOT argue about everything all the time? Let’s ponder. That was friendship.

*For many, maybe most years of my life, I bent over backwards to fit in, burying my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Tried to always be NICE. Easy to get along with, never make trouble. I’ve let others think and speak for me for waaayyy tooo long. I don’t do that anymore. (Still pretty nice unless ya push me.) I have boundaries, oh and thoughts and opinions. They may not line up with yours.

Because I felt censored most of my life, told what to believe and what to say, I don’t take kindly to it nowadays. That means you’re probably always gonna know what I think. I described it to a friend once as “feeling like someone has always been trying to put a hand over my mouth… forever.” I’m the only one who gets to censor me now.

*One truth for me is that I believe with all of my heart that women should be treated equally with men in rights and respect. Same pay, listened to the same as men, have the same opportunities as men. Women have been treated as objects for far too long and they’ve often had better hearts, more compassion, and at times have more intelligence and qualifications than their male peers or bosses. Not always, sometimes. It needs to stop. Good men need to start standing up for good women. Standing up against their peers who would make perverted jokes about women, mistreat them, or abuse them.

Until good men stand with us, things will never change. Stop worrying about being a “bro” and start being a decent human being. As a popular comedian Hannah Gadsby once said, “Men, Pull your socks up!”

(I know some of these good men and I’m ever-so thankful for them and we need so many more.) Of course the same is true for any or every minority. Good people have got to start standing up for every minority, stand in front of them when necessary. Only then will things change. Now is not the time to stay silent in the face of hatred, bigotry, prejudice, or misogyny.

There was a sign in my kid’s bedroom while they were growing up, it said, “Stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone.” I still believe this. (And I’m proud of my kids, and I believe they have lived this out.) Character. Integrity. It matters.

Come on out into the light. It’s warm here. The sun is shining.

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Today’s quick thoughts

I’m not sure what it is or how it will manifest but something good happened today, something in my heart and soul. There was an almost audible “click,” the kind of thing that happens when the gray cells are getting stimulated, when some new bit of wisdom is busy making a home inside me somewhere… a kind of knowing. Wisdom. I think that was its name.

I can’t wait to see how it changes me.

Something is new and different. Something from above, a gift from the universe or the heavens. A new measure of strength? It’s amazing what can happen when you open your heart, mind, and soul to growth and change.

I know so many people, and I used to be one, that think there is this finite group of knowledge and they found it by age 40 and then they shut down and refuse to change, to see anything new. I don’t want to be that.

I won’t be, not ever, ever again.

The only person I will ever, ever change–is me.

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We the People

Talking with hubs this evening about the constitution and how we are supposed to be a country for the people, ran by the people. Our voices were meant to be heard from the very beginning.

Setting aside for the moment that we came to this country and conquered and claimed it, when they got around to writing the constitution it was meant to be a document that ensured that the people’s voices would be heard, that we wouldn’t have to be oppressed or shut down or dominated without representation or even taxed without representation.

Oh how very far we have come.

I grew up in a small town and way before the internet and cell phones, so in retrospect, I think it seems like a somewhat isolated environment. Perhaps everyone from generations past feels this way. Their (our) whole world was our home, out parents, our little town, we didn’t know anything else. We knew what we were told. End of story.

Now here we are living in the Information Age. We get bombarded with information and data all damn day long, and to make it worse, we have a whole section of people who’s sole purpose is to put out fake news for us to wade through. It’s a lot of change in a very small amount of time. A lot to cope with.

Once upon a time we could be easily distracted and controlled. “Keep ’em busy working and trying to put food on the table, there will be no time or energy left to think about revolution.”

Monday through Friday we work, exhausted on the weekends, just wanting a bit of peace and quiet. Or some fun time or down time. Maybe church on Sunday. And Monday morning it starts all over again.

And this is life.

We are heading into a great time of change. We are in an age when we have more time to think, more time to find things to do that we enjoy. The world opened up for everyone with the internet, personal computers and cell phones. It was no longer just my little house on my little street in my little town. We could find out about the entire world with the click of a button. And then the shit really hit the fan. (Other people? Other opinions? Different people?? Ack!!)

America has been a busy and industrious country, staying so busy chasing the dollar that we didn’t notice that we forgot our voices and our hearts, that we are a country meant to be governed by us, you and me, every day average Joe’s and Janes. We have the power to change our country. Somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten.

During this time when people care more about stopping the oppression of people than they even do their very lives (because of Covid-19 and gas-happy police), we are once again being forced to scream at the top of our lungs, to protest, to make our voices be heard. They’re pushing people back into a revolutionary mindset. Pushing people so hard and so far that they have no choice but to break or be broken, to fight or to die. To scream out the injustice at all costs. You can only hold someone down for so long, stand on their necks for so long, and then something is gonna pop. And what has really changed is nothing more than being able to now capture it on camera in real time. Post it quickly before it’s “lost.” No longer can we stick our heads in the sand and explain it away or justify it.

Either you stand for justice or you don’t. You stand for love and peace, or you don’t. You love your brothers and sisters in the black community and of every race, color, and nationality, or you don’t. No more ifs, ands, or buts.

The other day I blocked a gal on one of my social media pages for talking about how she was a Christian and she was sick to death of all of this black stuff. (Seriously,)

You stand for Jesus? WWJ-freaking D? I ask you. If you think Jesus is on board with racism then you don’t get it, I dare say. You don’t follow any Jesus I ever met, that’s for sure. There are many reasons I don’t align myself with the Christian church any longer, and these sorts of attitudes play a big part. (And because I despise labels and prejudice, I will say that likely not every single Christian feels this way.) But the church OUGHT to stand for justice, for freedom, for love, and I’ll say even standing up with a brother or sister, even one from a different race or religious background. Protecting them with your very life.

I could quote you scripture but I don’t play that game. (I quote this one, you quote another to back up whatever agenda you have.) If you stand for a god that stands for racism then I don’t follow your god. No loving person would. Period. I certainly refuse to follow a hateful one.

In our country, there are a couple ways we could amend the constitution and my brilliant hubby brought this up this evening. Ways that are not being tried or implemented. Political scientists are no doubt discussing these things, people who know and understand it all way better than I do.

We have power, our voices matter. At least they are supposed to. We’ve gotten incredibly lazy. We’ve grown used to violence and bi-partisan division, racism, strife, and all manner of craziness.

We are given a chance to vote a new person into the White House every four years. Personally I am appalled that we only get two people (really) to choose from, because only those with money will ever make it onto a ticket. Choose Republican or Democrat. We have a zillion choices of clothing to wear or ways to mix a latte’ but let’s just offer people 2 money-backed choices for the leader of the free world. I’ve always hated feeling like I sometimes have to vote for the lesser of two evils. But this is our fucked up system.

Sometimes it feels like there is no-one to vote for that isn’t crooked. And sometimes we just have to look closely at both major front-runners and make a choice based on our morals and ethics. Nobody is perfect, that’s the truth, but for me, someone who has been heard repeatedly saying things that are misogynistic, racist, bigoted, and above all, just plain idiotic, will never get my vote. Way back when, I knew nothing about him, (DT) but I began to learn as soon as he opened his mouth.

I know that DT knows how to make money. Maybe once upon a time people thought that was enough to make a good president. I really hope you don’t find that to be the only requirement for you. I will never understand the hero-worship of the dude, not as long as I live. Republicans seem to be willing to forgive absolutely anything these days. Geez, even the dudes on Fox News are beginning to back away from him, That should tell you something. But I don’t care if you’re a Republican or a Democrat, I want to know where your heart’s at. If you blindly follow your party, explain to me why? Justify it for me, because I don’t think you can.

Stop being a Republican or a Democrat and start being a human being with a heart and a mind of your own. If this happened all over, it would topple the bi-partisan system. I don’t believe there are enough people who think for themselves to do this yet, but one can hope. And for me, I also hope we will begin to get some strong female leadership in DC. But misogyny is as rampant as ever and the rich white dudes would likely never stand for it.

It’s time we found our voices again. Instead of standing for the guy with the most money maybe we could start thinking about what’s important again. Things like, standing for the oppressed. Dealing with racism and hatred based only on a person’s religion or skin color. Maybe it’s time to revamp our educational system so that people learn about compassion and empathy at least as much as they learn how to get themselves into the right neighborhoods and schools. Reading, writing, arithmetic, compassion and empathy 101. Yes, please. Teach kids to be kind and loving and how to change a tire, balance a checkbook, wash dishes, and kick ass when needed. (Not promoting violence, but self-defense needs to be taught.) Maybe a little Krav Maga or something after meditation class.

If you want to read more about the constitution, see the link below. Find your voice, good, loving, compassionate people of the world. Let’s run this sucker like it was meant to be run. Instead of MAGA let’s actually make America about its people again.

Peace Out

https://www.usconstitution.net/constam.html

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Blog June 5, 2020 from the Virtual Blanket-Fort

I say “Ow!” when I’m poked. I sometimes lash out when I feel uncomfortable or attacked. I admit it. It’d be hard NOT to be uncomfortable this year, this month, with all that is going on. And growth is painful as a bitch.

This difficult time is definitely making me take stock, re-affirm the things I know to be true and stretch myself way beyond what is comfortable.

When hurt I do tend to retreat to a safe fall-back bunker, a virtual blanket fort of comfort and self-soothing. I’ve been camped there for about three days, trying to heal enough to poke my head back out. (Especially on social media.)

Sigh.

I find myself afraid to speak in such sensitive times. I definitely do feel like everything I say is picked apart.

I’m not a perfect person, I’m a recovering perfectionist, which, in case you have any confusion, is not a really good thing to be. It’s got the word “perfect” stuck right in there, but it is so far from being the reality.

I was looking back at some thoughts I had a few years ago and was able to say that I’ve definitely grown in some areas, but I have a long way to go. I’m not a person who does “politically-correct” very well, I don’t like to be censored. But even more than that, I don’t want to hurt people who are already hurting. But all I know is how to be myself and speak the way I speak and if I inadvertently hurt someone, try to apologize and pick up the pieces the best I can.

My religion is this: LOVE.

My fallback position is this: LOVE

My answer to most of life’s ills is this: LOVE

I don’t pretend to know how to walk out the answers to the world’s troubles, and I don’t believe in pat answers anyway. But more love, more education, hearts and minds that are opened and willing to learn and grow, this is a key for me. If it isn’t key in your life, we’re probably going to butt heads… a lot.

If you think you’ve got it all figured out, we aren’t gonna mesh well. Heaven knows I struggle with my own self daily to strike a balance between confidence and being a know-it-all. I don’t know it all but also, I’ve learned a very tough lesson about adopting the views of other’s blindly and I don’t do that anymore. And yes, I’m prickly about it. But I’m not likely to join a cult, either. I’m not much of a joiner at all these days.

As I DO feel I’m walking on eggshells, I’ll just say this. I’ve been wrong in the past, and I know I still have things to learn, especially about racism. Also I hate being judged by those who don’t know me. I’m prickly about that, too. (I have a lot of my own issues based on my own experiences, as you have yours.) Rest assured, I’m continually working on me. But I cannot and will not blindly adopt the belief systems of others, (especially when their answer is for me to just be more like them.) For me to know something and know it well, deep down, I have to examine it closely for myself. I’ve grown sick of people telling me what to say or who to be. Sick and tired. A prickly point for me? Yes, indeed.

Also, sick of all the hate, bigotry, misogyny, and racism in the world. If you’re trying to fight that, we are more on the same side than you know.

You do you and I’ll stay in my cozy fort continually working on who ME is. I’ll keep growing and keep learning. I’ll keep doing me the best way I know how to, on any given day. My virtual blanket-fort can be a lonely place at times, but sometimes that’s the point.

And sometimes I invite special folks in for a visit. Special in their love and compassion, usually. (I have little patience for criticism or judgment.)

For those fighting the good fight in big ways and small, for working on yourself, too, no matter how uncomfortable, I salute you.

(Comes out from blanket-fort long enough for fist bumps and coffee mug clinks.)

Peace Out

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What over 30 years of marriage has taught me about love, marriage, and relationships. (Tips for all!)

I married at a very young age, (I’d just turned 18) and I really wanted to get out on my own. That marriage lasted seven years and we had 2 children together. It was tumultuous, pretty much the whole time. After he and I split up and I met and married my main man now (we’ve been married over 30 years), we have a totally different kind of relationship. (We had our daughter together, 3 kids total.) Without getting into too many personal details of the first marriage, I want to share some things I learned TO DO and some things I learned NOT to do.

I’ve found that it is uber important to be friends with your mate. I was at first in the first marriage, but, due to (primarily) myself being so young and both of us growing and changing, it changed the dynamic of that friendship, which was at the core of the relationship as a whole. Once we no longer shared core values, shared interests, or even thought at all alike, things began to break down.

I firmly believe now (and I didn’t when I was a young thing) that finding chemical, physical reaction and attraction with someone is as easy as going shopping for a pair of jeans. I now know that sexual attraction and love are two very, VERY different animals.

When we’re young we have a very idealized, almost fairy tale notion, (maybe more so females, but not always), of what love is, what it looks like, how to get it. Disney has done us no favors here.

We think that at a certain age or time of life, BOOM we’ll just meet “the one” and that will be it, and happily ever after. Anyone over the age of fifty probably has figured out that this is not true in the real world.

One thing I find so toxic in a church environment is the idea that, if you are married and in the church, you are expected to have a somewhat perfect marriage, and if you don’t, and you seek counsel, you will be told to pray more and many scriptures will be bandied around, most of which offer zero real PRACTICAL help. By far, most pastors and church leaders have zero psychological training whatsoever and don’t understand human behavior in the least, let alone how to tell someone to save their marriage. My first husband and I once got pastoral advice that was so bad and so wrong and I wish I could tell you here what it was, but I can’t share it here. It had to do with our physical relationship and not anything at all of any substance. I left there so disillusioned and disappointed.

Often the church “way” is to tell the wife she needs to be more quiet and submissive, too, and I don’t probably have to tell you what I think of that advice.

So whether you would seek counsel and where you seek it from is HUGE.

I’ve learned a ton about marriage and love sharing about it, especially because I know what I know from personal observation, the reading of many books, but most importantly, from personal experience.

I do not believe a relationship where the two involved are not the best of friends (in an environment of love, communication, and mutual respect) will ever work. Period.

At some point the chemistry thing starts to take a back seat to the responsibilities and stresses of day to day life. It isn’t necessarily that the spark is forever gone, but it can certainly feel that way. Once that happens, what do you have left? What’s underneath? That is the 18 million-dollar question.

If you cannot sit down with your partner and discuss openly what’s on your mind, give it up. It’s already over. Communication is the biggest thing (next to friendship and respect) that will keep your relationship alive. Read that paragraph again. Make a poster and hang it somewhere. It is a profound truth.

Once you cross a line of disrespectful behavior (and I mean name-calling, abusive behavior and sometimes even physically or sexually abusive behaviour), it’s over, or at least it should be. Walk out. Get out now.

Unfortunately, many people have come up in homes where this behaviour is considered acceptable and normal. Don’t believe it. You CAN have a good, quality relationship where respect is both earned and demanded. Where it is mutual, where boundaries are observed.

I’m not talking about a surface-y “Ozzie & Harriett” marriage (look it up, young people), that just looks good on the outside where everyone smiles and speaks softly and has dinner at the table together every night, that’s actually quite rare, especially these days. Where nobody ever raises their voice and the children are perfectly behaved little angels and mom and dad don’t drink or cuss or ever do anything wrong. That certainly is nowhere near what most families experience.

I think that knowing and loving yourself well before entering into any marriage or seriously committed relationship is so key. KNOW that you are worthy of respect and dignity. ALWAYS.

Know that you do not have to be treated like crap and you can do life alone and find yourself and be strong if that’s what it takes to be safe and healthy and mentally, emotionally, and physically well. YOU DESERVE A QUALITY person. Know it and believe it. Don’t lower your standards to someone who only looks good or only wants you when it’s convenient for them. Look for the “deep” and the real in anyone you hang out with. 

I’m reading a great book called Women Who Run With the Wolves, and in it they discuss how young, naive women can sometimes cover up or ignore that inner voice that would normally scream, “Predatory male! Alert! Get away!” and they ignore that voice and justify it away because of their fairy-tale ideas of love and relationship. They want someone so badly that they totally ignore all of the warning signs. (Come on, we’ve all seen this, right? Some of us have LIVED this.)

That’s a really great argument for NOT getting married young, chasing your dreams for a few years first and truly figuring out who you are and what you want out of a mate. Learning NOT to stifle that voice of “sense” I believe most of us have or would have or did have, if we did not shove it away.

So, friendship, giving and demanding respect, and communication. That does NOT mean that you won’t each at times lose your temper or get upset or cry or whatever, but early on in every relationship there should be boundaries set, rules of play, if you will. Lines that do not get crossed. Respect is such a thing for me that I would live in a box under a bridge before I’d live with someone who continually and purposefully disrespected me, be it name-calling, or abuse of any kind. I’m better than that. I don’t deserve that. You’re better than that, too. You deserve the best.

Learn to know yourself well enough to communicate and if your partner does not communicate, he or she will have to learn to, or you may as well go home, thank you for playing. Some things you just cannot do without in a loving, lasting relationship. It doesn’t work, and the stats are out there to back me up on this.

I believe nearly every relationship COULD be saved, IF both parties wanted it saved and both were equally willing to put in the work. If they’re not, it won’t be saved. Period. The only alternative is staying in a highly dysfunctional relationship for years or your whole life and being miserable, settling for less than what you want,need, and deserve.

(I did meet the right and best person for me, and you will, too.) Remember that if all you’re looking for is sex, that’s easy-peasy. Attraction is a dime a dozen. If you want real relationship, look for the signs that it may be possible with someone. Do not settle. If it’s broken, fix it. And to be alone is better than to be with the wrong person.

I hope some or any of this is helpful to someone or maybe there is someone you know that could use some of this good stuff. Pass it on. 

*The book I mentioned is by Clarissa Penkola Estes, PhD  

Feel free to email me if you ever want more tips on what makes a marriage great (or any committed relationship). I’d be glad to try to help.

Pammy