I had to post again today because yesterday’s was so very melancholy, and, for now, I am feeling much better. I have a phone call or two to make later and hoping things go well, but for NOW I am feeling happier, more “normal” (whatever that even means.)
The nature of feeling anywhere on the spectrum of down and blue to depressed, is such that one has an extremely difficult time imagining that you WILL feel better. That’s one thing that is so heinous about it. Your brain and mind can convince you that life will never be better and that you will never feel better. And this can make things worse and bring about hopelessness to a greater degree. I wonder why that is. Sucky.
While I don’ necessarily feel better about the world at large, our human ability to compartmentalize and sometimes downright PRETEND that life is good, is a real thing.
I’ve always been a person that carries the weight of the world on my shoulders, like Atlas except not nearly so young, fit, and strong. Not sure why I do this, but it has always been thus. Maybe it’s part of the INFJ personality type, not sure. I have – often- too much empathy, think too much about the pain of others, and on a global scale that can get overwhelming. The times when I can back out of that a bit are precious. The times I can convince myself that I am indeed, at least for today, okay. That the world won’t end TODAY, and then breathe a sigh of relief.
Despite it all, trying to get into and stay in a spirit of Christmas, of love and peace. Trying to think about my family, of people all over the world quietly celebrating their various holidays and family time in whatever way they can. Love pressing on and pressing through. Hope remaining. I will cherish these times.
Worry for the world at large can and will resume at some point, but today, I choose peace. I choose a good mood. Joy in spite of it all.
(And all of this after a run-in with a spider that scared the bejeesus out of me and happened to attack (walk in front of me) when Hubs was outside and didn’t hear me scream and didn’t come to my rescue.) I had to be my own hero and take care of business, and I did, but man, I thought I’d never start breathing normally again and get my shoulders to go back down where they belong.
Enjoy this holiday season, friends! (Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.)
Peace Out!