I feel like I’m fighting so many battles. I guess I’ll become a real bad-ass or I’ll die, and sometimes I wonder which! No, that isn’t depression talking, just pure old-fashioned frustration.
I’m not going to post about the immune booster anymore, just because I think I’m going to be on it long-term and don’t want to keep posting every day. Meanwhile if anyone wants to be added to a discussion group about it let me know, and I will post how I’m feeling occasionally as well.
I’m tired. In every way possible. Gonna need to rest/nap today.
Ya know I grew up not learning anything at all about how to confront. I didn’t know how to set boundaries. I had and have a deeeeeep inner world but half the people I went to school with probably don’t even remember me. That was intentional, somewhat.
Being an empath and very sensitive, It didn’t take much bullying or stupid mess coming my way before I would take that into me, take it personally. I didn’t realize back then that when people lash out and hurt you for no reason other than to make you feel small and pump up themselves, it is their issue and not mine. They were the broken ones, but I felt like I was.
If I could go back there’d be some people getting throat-punched, I’m not gonna lie.
But I’m a big-girl now. I’ve worked so hard for every inch, every ounce of growth, and every step of the way has been a battle, every damned step. I finally know who and what I am. I know my worth. I have boundaries, very firm ones in place. I now know that if someone comes along and takes a dump on my day for no reason, that it is their fault not mine. (Especially completely unprovoked.)
I can’t help but feel that twinge, when it happens, that knee-jerk reaction of hurt. Not sure how human I’d be if I didn’t. Now I know things in my head, –and my heart? Well, it’s learning, it’s catching up. When someone blasts me it is easier for me to get past that hurt and see the reality of the situation, see what’s really happening. Boundaries and shields up. I’m becoming that bad-ass.
It’s a sad truth that we must gird ourselves, that we have to learn how to brace for the next incoming blow. But I think it’s tied to why we are here. Somehow growing and getting stronger is what we’re meant to do.
I’ve never been a physical bad-ass. But inside I’m becoming Wonder Woman. I wish I had her cool toys, though.
Peace.