America – Pamela Swyers

Been in therapy a few weeks and just when I begin to wonder if it’s working, I’ve had a couple big breakthroughs, so that’s cool. Pressing on. I’ve stopped looking at things in the same way and feel I can finally focus on forward movement. Now if I could just feel well-rested, those days are great. Rough night last night.

So many people with their opinions of what is right, but they only think “This is Right for All” instead of “This is Right For ME!” If people could just change that one little thing… and I behave the same way often myself. Cuz when you work hard for your belief system and it makes sense to you, it’s tough not to want everyone else to jump on board. But we need to allow each other to have the voyage, the journey, the struggle. It’s what grows us and makes us strong. America was founded on Freedom of Religion, so obviously it was important to the founding fathers. I can’t help but think so many things about our country. I love it here, I know it’s still a great place to be compared to some others, but also… there is so much wrong.

I mean that Thanksgiving pilgrim fantasy we all had… we now know it was all much bloodier than what we like to say each year in November. We have so much more knowledge now… and change is hard for people. Sometimes believing the new information is difficult to impossible for the Old School folks. But we have to be open-minded enough to take in new facts, new information, or we’re just dinosaurs. (And will become extinct, just the same.)

Terroristic shootings have become the norm now, not just the occasional random horror… we’ve become used to it because the far right informs us, we cannot mess with gun laws… and children still die, innocent people still die. There must be a better way. There must be a way to both be able to defend ourselves and our homes and families, while protecting the innocent, and for crying out loud, get people the mental healthcare they need. Lock people up and keep them there, when that is what is necessary. I can’t believe that there is a country as wealthy and large as we are that can’t figure this shit out. Our priorities are skewed. That has become horribly apparent. People just plain don’t want change. They want to say, “I want to go back there,” when there is no going back. We have to deal with the shitstorm that is here and now.

Anyway, unscheduled rant happened.

I am a patriot, believe it or not. The same people I disagree with, I would stand shoulder to shoulder with–to protect them if necessary. But I am not a nationalist. I love people of every background and nationality. The politicians are the ones to hate, if you feel you must, but please don’t take it out on people of other countries, just trying to live, raise their kids, get by. I have friends (thanks to the internet) from lots of different countries, and I have found us to be more alike than different. We all want peace. We all want security, friendship, decent jobs. Take the politics out of it and we are much the same underneath.

Unscheduled rant over. I believe in good, hardworking people, and they can be found all over the globe. If we could just get the politicians to stop shaking their fists at one another and learn to live and let live. But we likely won’t. We may very well destroy ourselves. I truly hope not. But good, kind people do still exist. We need to stand up and make our voices heard, too.

I’ve made changes to my privacy settings on Facebook but will try to keep it going so I can see and chat with the 12 to 20 people or so that I really have grown to love that I would never see otherwise.

Some are predicting civil war and even world war after the year we’re having (and it’s only June.) War is only always MAD. (Mutually Assured Destruction.) Trying hard to have enough faith in humanity that we can avoid that. I see all of the anger, though, and now more than ever, it feels as if there is nowhere to go with that anger, nothing constructive that can be done with it, but I pray that doesn’t mean we all throw up our hands and decide to be destructive with it. (Though I admit that there are systems and mindsets that need to be deconstructed.)

Ya know, I’m smarter than I look. I have come by (with tons of difficulty and work on myself) a strong sense of self, lots of confidence and self-love, and have set many boundaries for myself. The more I have done that, the more I am shown the truth that – when others don’t have these things, they see me as being arrogant. Don’t care, can’t care, and won’t apologize for it. It comes with taking care of yourself. We’ve been taught NOT to for far too long.

I am sick to death of being taught or schooled by those who have lived half the life I have lived with almost zero of the experiences I have had and that won’t fly. Nobody has any respect for the “elders” anymore and I can kind of understand why, but only if you’re judging all older people as being exactly the same. Young people don’t like that being done to them, and neither do we. We don’t take kindly to the hard-fought wisdom we’ve gleaned being tossed aside blithely by the exuberance of youth. That being said, some of the smartest and kindest people I know ARE young. So, all of that to say, STOP assuming you know anyone if you truly do not and judging them by skin color or age or demographic. Just STOP.

The ONLY thing I will say right now about Mr. Floyd is that I am so incredibly heartsick. I dearly love some people with brown skin and black skin (and other colors) and I cannot fathom the pain. I won’t pretend to and I won’t diminish it with any more quick responses or thoughts. Just… I love you.

I’m gonna say something stupid obvious– if you don’t know me, you don’t know me. Some know the ME I was 30 years ago and I am not that person, so you may think you know me but you don’t. I daresay my own (original) family that I have not been able to be around much over the last 30 years, (back in Oklahoma or scattered around the world) don’t truly know me, but may know my core heart as good, or at least I really hope they give me that benefit of the doubt. So do not dare to judge my heart or my motives to my face. I will shut that shit down.

Now having vented about that, I’ll move on to other word vomit for the day about what is happening in this messed-up world and/or about my life, etc.

I’m doing well (outside of being that level of stressed that never goes away from the Covid mess) and then adding all that the world is going through over this past week and the stress of that (realizing that my stress about that is primarily extreme heartache and doesn’t compare in any way to all that the black community feels.) I am heartsick.

I’ve always considered myself to be a patriot and someone who loves America but I’ve never felt this sad and heartsick about our country and its direction. If that offends you I’d just ask you to look with broader, more open eyes of what and who we are and what we look like to the rest of the world at large. We used to be a true super-power that earned the respect of others. If you are under any delusion that this is still true (in the eyes of the world) then wake up. We are a laughing stock.

Many Americans simply refuse to acknowledge that there is a world beyond our borders and if they think of anyone outside of America at all, it is down their noses, with hatred and disrespect for all. This is not me. I do not feel this way. I am not a nationalist. I realize that the cracks, the fissures that America needs to heal, are deeper and wider than ever before, and frankly, I currently have little hope of waking people up to it. People absolutely refuse to acknowledge it, stubbornly and blindly. I have no patience at all for that. Having zero connections or friendships outside of the US is a great way to become such a narrow minded individual. Don’t travel, don’t care a hoot about anyone who doesn’t think or act or look exactly like you. Then you’ll end up being a true American. This saddens me more than words can convey.

This statement alone has many people hating on me and dismissing me and throwing me into a box with a huge label (or four) but I can’t care about that anymore. It’s very difficult to find your voice and then silence it. Being silent has caused more problems than it has ever fixed, (outside of loud hate-mongering). Much like the person who stands up on the playground between a bully and an innocent, there is a time and place to use your voice. (Not your guns, axes or fists, but your voice.)

I believe whole-heartedly in the right to peacefully protest and yes I’d fight for the right for someone who vehemently disagrees with me on policy to be able to stand up and exercise that right. All people have this right, not just those who look and feel like you or me.

As a side-My opinion on guns is that it is in our constitution that we have a right to bear arms. We came out of the wild west and in many ways are still there. If you want to get a permit and take classes and be psychologically evaluated to own a gun, be my guest. (And sadly I think we are at or almost at that place where people need to be evaluated before being given a permit.) But it must be recognized that guns are for one purpose in 2020, to kill. They are no longer something we need in order to eat. Many countries outside of the US are just plain better at gun control than we are and this is proven out by the decline of gun violence in their countries after enacting stricter laws. You can’t disarm the general public without disarming the “bad guys” which simply means it has to be country-wide, worldwide controls in place. And of course, murder begins in the heart of man. Someone bent on murder have always and always will find numerous and creative ways to kill. But having a large rock in your hand, or a knife, is just less damaging to large groups of people than having an assault rifle in your hands. It just is. The average joe does not need a sniper rifle or an assault rifle.

Our RIGHTS have far outweighed our sense and our morals in America for quite some time. (Our forefathers could not have envisioned the world as it is today.) Just because you have a right to do something doesn’t mean you should. SHOULDS have more to do with an individual’s own morals and ethics. In a perfect world, people would understand this. In a perfect world, all people would have ethics and morals (and no, I no longer believe that people must have a religious faith affiliation to have ethics and morals, I find this to be very short-sighted.) Why? Because my world has expanded and I have changed my own faith and belief systems, and because in my lifetime I have met some of the best and most ethical, loving, moral people on the planet who do not claim any religion or god as their source, and also I should say I know people from many various belief systems who are also loving and good and kind. It is possible to be an atheist and be loving and moral and kind. And I know some personally. If you don’t know some, perhaps consider widening your circle. Stretch the boundaries of what you have always believed to be true.

We’ve become a people obsessed with social media and that has led us to being obsessed with making sure that everyone else has to look and act and feel the same… same religion, same skin color, same belief systems, don’t you DARE be different. It’s shining a lot of light on these old outdated ideals. It feeds nationalism and hatred and prejudice. It IS possible to be a lover of America and not be a nationalist, to grieve at who we have become and are becoming. To be respectful of the different (from you or me or anyone).

I cannot deal any longer with people’s short-sighted, narrow-minded knee-jerk and often hate-filled reactions on social media so I am going to move more towards posting on my blog and posting about my artistic endeavors (when I do post on Facebook particularly) and I hope that anyone who loves a bit more like I do or who are open-minded and loving, will follow my blogs here. I have my YouTube and my Insta and I’ll use those more, too. In a time when we cannot talk face to face, it is more and more obvious that we don’t know how to relate on social media.

One last provocative statement before I sign off for the day: If you have not changed AT ALL in the last 20 years, it might be time to stretch your heart and mind. Don’t be a stagnant unmoving swamp. Learn, Grow. Love.

Love and Peace to all.

Tag: America

A Day in the Life