Hello! (Blog May 18, 2019 on love, healing, our lenses, etc) AKA “I Reject That”
So today hubs and I were having another of our many discussions on political mess, hot points, how people view the world, and oh-so-many things. I’ve had a big blog brewing inside of me this week. So here goes.
We were discussing big government versus small (we do this a lot), and also the Republican vs the Democratic views on each, and let me tell you about the drum I’ve been banging for some time now.
We’ve been taught very efficiently for generations now, and in one way or another, always, HOW to view the world. We’ve been asked to choose our boxes (lenses through which we see the world & ways in which we define ourselves and label others). Few tend to realize this or think about it overly much, we plod on in our daily lives, trying to get by, be happy, raise kids, etc. Who has time for deep thinking or getting a new perspective? Sometimes there is a benefit in being forced into seasons of stillness. You get to think of things in a broader way, look at the big picture (everyone on planet earth) rather than just your little cocooned world.
We were discussing how homeless people are reviled; the “get a job, you loser” mindset vs the person who buys a homeless person a meal, that kinda thing. I’ve been told by people closest to me never to give people money. I reject that. I am a wise, old, smart woman nowadays. I have some discernment. I don’t go around throwing money at everyone I see, but I do follow the spirit and soul inside me that often prompts me to do something when I see a need. Sometimes that’s reaching into my wallet and giving someone $20 and sometimes it is silent prayers or kind thoughts, and sometimes I just don’t know what to do, but listen, I have empathy. I know that, as the Christians say, “There but for the grace of God go I.” (That gets conveniently thrown out at times.)
I know that we are a handful of paychecks from being homeless ourselves. We all are– (unless you happen to have 6 or 7 figures in a savings account, and if you do, good for you, but help others with your money)– so very close to being in trouble. Illness, job loss, any number of things can and do happen. Many churches teach the “they’ll just spend it on booze and drugs” mindset. I reject that. You don’t know that. I don’t know that. Nobody but their higher power knows what they’ll do with the $20 I give them, and I’ll go further and say, I don’t even care. Once I’ve made up my mind that I’m supposed to help someone, it’s my job ONLY to follow that prompting. What they do with it is up to them. They’ll no longer be able to piss and moan that they are hungry cuz they had their chance. But we are taught “Do as I tell You” by people and organizations and not taught to follow your soul and spirit promptings and intuition and heart.
Republican and often Christian or conservative lens or mindset: You deserve the life you have, you didn’t work hard enough, you’re a druggie and a conman. (Talk about judgey! Who died and made you a demi-god?)
Democratic/liberal/hippie mindset often: ( I am pigeon-holing here to prove a point) Oh my! What happened? How are you? Tell me your story. Can I buy you some food or take you to a shelter?
I know there is crossover here, because, exactly my point, we ought not be defined by labels and boxes and allow ourselves to be lumped in like this. But MOST times, each of us will gravitate toward one way of thinking or another.) Why? We’re taught to. Absolutely. All of the people in my scenario here are basically good people and they are convinced they are right. Loving people, people who have kids and don’t even abuse them. Good hearts. But if they don’t fit in our “box” or labeled group that we identify with, we call them evil. If you’re not like me you’re evil.
I reject that.
I refuse to be a Republican or a Democrat but I will be a loving human.
I do come from a very unique perspective, in that—I grew up in a conservative Republican home with parents who, at that time, were not Christians, but we kids jokingly called them Ozzie and Harriet. Good, good people, still are. But they, like everyone, had signed up to a box or lens, to a group that told them, “You don’t have to think for yourself, I got this. I’ll tell you what to think, I’ll skew your thinking, I’ll manipulate you in any way I can to make you believe this Republican agenda is the way and the only way.” And this goes for cults, often churches (don’t stone me) and other organizations as well, of course. Be a sheep, not a leader and do not think things through for yourself.
I had opportunity to expand my thinking and I took it. I journeyed. I fought through a very difficult path (& not just some physically devastating things) but I did the inner work.
Now, hold on, stay with me.
I am not calling all Republicans stupid, though I hear people do that every day. It hurts me. Don’t lump people together and judge them when you do NOT know their life, what they were taught to believe was good and right, and especially before the internet age when our worlds blew up and expanded and we had access to tons more information. My parents, and many still today, were/are cocooned in their box, (& this is my perspective but oh how I love and respect them for many reasons). They’re taught not to go outside that box and read anything or watch anything or believe anything because that threatens their agenda. After all, if people were to begin to believe that all people of every race and political affiliation and religious background and affiliation were good, kind people, (mostly, ‘cept for the ones that do evil for whatever reason), what would that do?? Utter chaos! Dogs and cats living together! Nobody’s agendas are being pushed ahead and people are left to think for and decide for themselves what to believe (in every aspect). Whatever shall we do???
Just please give that a moment and let that sink in. Re-read if necessary, I’m having a drink of water.
Now, to address those specifically who have very strong faith beliefs, such as Christianity, but including all religions and faiths.
You believe how you did because someone you trusted did, and shared it with you. They helped you get some healing revelation and you cried, they cried, Jesus wept, and then you went on to join up with said religion. I’m cool with that because 1) been there, done that, and 2) I believe in REAL freedom of religion. (Which should make me a good American Patriot, if people believed what was written, etc., but I digress.)
(disclaimer; your religious rights cease where they cross the line of someone else’s freedom or safety.)
(If you’re my child reading this, it may have been me that taught you what to believe and took you to church!)
It’s all Learned. All of this is learned Input into all that is you. And whomever taught you what they taught you, they did it with a good motive and heart, I truly believe this, except in extreme cult-like situations, evil people, drunk abusers, etc.
But here is where I reside.
I came out of traditional, fundamental and evangelical Christianity because I had what one might call an awakening FOR ME, and a super big change that happened in my heart and life. It began by looking at people and the world as a whole and not just looking at people in my narrow world. To put it in terms everyone might understand, and this has been extraordinarily difficult to share with people in such a way that they can understand, but I still try sometimes—my heart exploded. My Creator gave me Big Love. (Yeah, sounds hippified, doesn’t it??)
There has always been a hippie non-conformist inside of me. In church I was told I had to subjugate that spirit, stop being a rebel, stop thinking for myself or of myself. I came to realize that everything I have been through in my life led me to that moment, the moment I realized that I am exactly and precisely who my creator made me to be, and that’s okay. I’m okay. I’m truly worthy. I’m good. (Didn’t get that from church teachings.)
For me anyway, church became a place that I saw as–good genuine people, for the most part, that taught me their biblical teachings that they tried in vain to make me accept and understand. But there was always a still small voice (which I now believe to be the voice of my creator) calling me out and away.
As all of this began to happen around 2009, well, you can only imagine the backlash. I’d been a traditional Christian for many, many years. I had raised my children Christian. I’d volunteered and been on staff at church, I had a ton to lose. I began to lose it.
I started seeking truth outside of the belief in the literal interpretations of scripture because, that nagging voice… I’d read things like the story in Genesis where the band of robbers and thieves snuck into a guy’s home one night and began to rape and pillage, and one of the bad guys tried to rape the man’s son (yes man on man rape) and the man responded by saying “Here, please, take my young daughter instead.” This is one of many, many areas in the bible where I began to have trouble. (Anyone thinking of the legislation now and also the dudes that just recently got let off for rape? Proven rape? And one was the rape of his own daughter, and one was in ministry.) Give that some meditative thought and consideration. Pray on that one.
Anyway, our society from the beginning of time has been patriarchal. And maybe that wouldn’t be so bad IF there were not such abuse, if men really cared and loved and cherished and if they protected their women and daughters and did not treat women like second-class (or lower) people, like possessions to be tossed about and used like a tissue and thrown away.
I just had a discussion a couple days ago where we talking about how—every woman has experienced misogyny, you can’t get away from it, it’s so pervasive. Just based on my own personal knowledge of other women alone, I’d give you the statistics that at least 9 out of 10 women, if they told the truth, have been groped, assaulted, demeaned sexually, raped or something of the kind. Men rape their wives and get away with it. Women are so beaten down that they cannot muster up the strength to leave their abusers who threaten to kill them. I don’t need to go on, you know.
I have found the church, particularly in retrospect, to have been a tool in many ways to keep women down. They are still allowed only certain positions in most churches (if any leadership position at all) and are quoted scripture to back it up. Which is a crying shame because many women have so much to offer in these areas.
“Tradition! It’s always been this way! The scriptures say…” Yeah this was put into place with a very real fleshy manly agenda, I guarantee you.
I got to a place where I simply could not be a part of it any more. Not just the women thing, but I cannot accept scripture as 100% literal and applicable in every and all circumstance to my life in 2019. It does not make any sense in many ways and places, and I do believe people sometimes feel this deep down inside of them but have too much to lose to stand up and say it. Learned behavior. Tradition. It has always been this way….
I reject that.
I believe the bible to have tons of good stuff but also lots of history and culture and allegory. Recently Pat Robertson—whom I would never hold out as an authority but still—recently came out and said Christians had to accept scientific fact when it’s presented to them and that the earth was much, much older than first believed. He was practically stoned for it.
I just can’t, my Christian friends and family, I cannot go blindly along anymore. Many of you have heard at least parts of my journey and such before. I had not intended for this to turn into apologetics for my current belief system, at least not entirely, but I guess I must include it when I talk about what I have learned and now believe. For those of you have been wondering (from my old life) but did not know fully what was going on with me, I can only say I love you but walk away from me if you must. I must go my way, led only by my creator, spirit, and intuition. And yeah maybe even some Jesus, Rumi, Jeff Brown, Brene’ Brown and many other writers and teachers I enjoy.
I am at an age where (when I face illnesses and such) I must think about my mortality and I think about who I want to be, what I want to give to the world, what do I want people to know about me, what legacy do I want to leave behind? Love, authenticity, transparency. (Some art and writings, too!!)
Big Love
I spoke before of an awakening, a breaking open of my heart… yes. I was given a love like I have never ever known. If I’m given it, as with any gift, I must use it. I have a love for people that is all-encompassing and worldwide. It does not discern between races, religions or political affiliations (though some of y’all test me sometimes!) LOL! I just mean with the ugliness, name-calling, etc. When you have Big Love (cuz I don’t know what else to call it) it is hard to watch others tearing each other apart that do not have it.
Compassion, empathy. They’re real, people, get to know them.
It broke me, it was that kinda love… then it set me free. No masks, no boxes, I’m just me all the time to everyone. Never experienced this kind of thing before, not like this, and didn’t see much of this kinda love in church, it’s sad to say.
And, of course also, through my journey I’ve learned so many other things, not the least of which is to have strong boundaries. And that I am not filthy, wasn’t born that way, don’t need anything else to save me but my Big Love.
I feel like the whole world is telling me continually to stay in my box, all of us to stay in our boxes. You must choose Republican or Democrat, straight or gay, Choice or Life, black or white, Catholic or Protestant or whatever…
I whole-heartedly reject that.
I’ll go the way of other amazing peace-makers (MLK, Maya Angelou and so, so many others) and walk my solitary path, knowing what I know. Loving how I love.
And at the risk of sounding cheesy, I really and truly do have big squishy, hippie all-encompassing love for you, each of you. And no matter what lens you choose to look through, I sincerely hope and pray it is a lens of Big Love.
Peace Out!
(PS: Obvs – as long as this is, it is still only a small part of my journey to find me. I will keep on sharing here and there and ask me anything. Cuz that’s what I do.)