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Mimi’s Cranberry/Orange Oatmeal Holiday Cookie Recipe

Yes folks I’ve been experimenting in the kitchen! Exciting! I found the best “treat” recipe for myself. Sometimes you have to just create what you need because you can’t find it out there anywhere. I had tasted similar treats before but could never find a recipe, AND I never quite trusted what ingredients were actually in there. By doing it myself I can know for sure what I’m putting in my body, and with my food allergies, that is a MUST. For me, I cannot have yeasts or baking powder or any corn ingredients. I don’t do bleached white flours or sugars either. So it’s tough.

This recipe is Keto-friendly, low sugar, high fiber and has protein! As I am an amateur I cannot give you exact amounts, but I believe the fiber cancels out all or most of any sugar impact from the coconut sugar in these.

So here is my recipe! I hope it can work for you, too, or you can modify it to make it work for you. Happy Holiday Snacking!

Mimi’s Orange/Cranberry Oatmeal Holiday Cookies

Totally created by Pamela Swyers

 

1 stick butter (melted)

1 ½ teaspoons vanilla

1 6 oz pkg cherry-juice-infused dried cranberries

1 Cup Coconut sugar

6-8 drops orange zest oil (I use essential oil, but can use some fresh orange zest)

½ Cup Swerve Confectioner’s Sweetener (calorie-free sugar-alcohol swtnr)

¼ Cup cooking oil (for me, non-corn)

Several shakes of cinnamon (about a half teaspoon, may adjust to taste)

3 dashes of ground ginger

2 shakes of nutmeg

½ teaspoon baking soda

3-4 pinches of sea salt (about ½ to ¾ teaspoon)

1 ½ Cups of oat flour

2 to 2 ½ Cups of Old-fashioned Whole Grain Oats

Water (1/4 to ½ cup to moisten as needed)

 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

 

Mix together all ingredients except for flour, baking soda and oats.

In separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda and oats, then combine into the bowl with the other ingredients. If mixture is too dry, add a tiny bit of water at a time until the dough can be formed into balls. Press out into cookie shape on parchment-paper lined cookie sheet or on baking stone.

Bake at 350 for about 12 minutes.

YUM! Guilt-free yummy holiday treats!

(Could add chocolate bits and/or nuts if desired, could up the overall fat or sugar content.)

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Coming Out of Religion, Finding Me (AKA The Art of Deconstruction)

End November Blog: Coming Out of Religion, Finding Me

(AKA The Art of Deconstruction)

11-19-2019

 

I was thinking back on my childhood this morning and realized how un-self-aware I was. For so many years, even into adulthood, I had no real sense of ME, of who I was, what came naturally and what didn’t, all of it. When you looked at me it was as if I was covered in mirror tiles so that you would only see yourself reflected back.

I’ve been called a chameleon because I learned from all of that, to get along with a lot of different kinds of people.

I became a people pleaser, though, and that was not so good.

Over the years from every angle I always felt I was being told who and how to be and it took me way too many years to come to understand that I have intrinsic value, I have my own unique set of gifts, my own personality.

For me, religion played into it with a constant (in my mind-warped) message that I was zero, I was nothing, I should never aspire to be anything other than a reflection of this Christ I was told about. That played right into low self-esteem for me.

Not everyone has such an experience with faith/religion I suppose but having stepped out of that culture I now more clearly see how much it damaged me.

As with all things there was good and bad for me. I learned a lot in a lot of areas but I never found me.

Religion teaches “die to self.” Thoughts of one’s self are selfish, bad, wrong. Self-care is wrong and becoming or at least appearing humble and obedient became gods or idols, things you must do to be accepted in the church.

Scripture about being perfect as God is, was pounded into us weekly.

I died to self, all right, but not in any kind of good or positive way. Yeah, this made me a horrible perfectionist… or maybe a perfect perfectionist.

Growing up as nothing more than a person who wanted to please my parents, my brothers, my friends and then ultimately the church (and as I viewed it, God) was not an easy way to be. Don’t get me wrong, I know how lucky/fortunate/blessed I was to have parents who dearly loved me, and as fallible as they were, tried their very best to raise us right. I got something many people in this world never got… I knew I had parents that loved me (and they still do).

I suppose something I never felt though, and maybe it was just my broken self’s fault, I never got the sense of being good enough. I never got self-esteem (not until I was in my 30s and 40s and it was barely trickling in then. In my 50s I can finally say I have it, in spades.)

This is what I know to be true NOW: (This is me speaking MY truth)

Any God worthy of my devotion would have to want people to be whole, to care for themselves first, so that they have strength to care for others and themselves.

We are not perfect and were never meant to be. I firmly believe that scripture is inherently flawed by nature of it being written and interpreted by flawed humans. I do not, cannot believe in any God that expects me to be perfect. Nope.

I could never believe in a God that doesn’t want the absolute best for me, which includes health, knowing myself and having self-esteem, knowledge of all of my own gifts and talents and not being afraid to use them, for fear of being thought less than humble.

If there is such a God who loves me like this, then he must want me walking in the fullest of all that I was created to be. He doesn’t want mini-me’s. If he created me with a writing talent then he must want me to use that talent to the absolute fullest of my ability, etc.

If he made me funny and sarcastic then, by god, that’s who I am.

I think we’ve done our children a great disservice if all we teach them is absolute and utter obedience. I interpreted that to mean that all others came before me, which meant that any other – may do anything they wanted to me and I had no voice. I wish I’d been taught how to stand up for me and what I, personally, believed in. That I matter, my thoughts matter, my opinions matter, and that I have a voice. I can say NO. I can say “You may come this far and no further.” I know that now but I fought hard and paid a heavy price for this knowledge. Boundaries. They are a powerful, necessary thing. I hope you have them. You’re in for a super hard ride if you don’t.

Over the years of being used, stepped on, discarded, raped, molested, called names, disrespected, well, let’s just say something my parents gave me in my genes combined with something I believe was given to me by my Creator, rose up in me. I began to realize that all that I had been told and taught by the world, religion, the people around me, was not necessarily true. I learned that there are a lot of lies being perpetrated on people disguised as truth. I learned that I, ME, only myself, could dig out truth and what that actually meant to me and for me. (Think of Frodo with the ring, it was ONLY his burden to carry). My life, who I am ultimately, is only my burden to carry.

I studied many religions and found a common thread in most of them, common lessons that were being taught. This to me said that who ever “God” is, He or she or they have been trying for millennia to get certain truths into our hearts and minds. I also truly believe that humans glom onto it and add and take away and distort at every opportunity over the last multiple thousands of years. For their own agendas. There is always an agenda.

So, yes, I believe there are absolute truths, it’s just that my list of those may be different than yours. (Why I call it My truth, because I have fought hard to find it and excavate it out of all the BS we are surrounded by and by everyone else’s versions of truth.)

There are things I bought into 20 years ago that I just do not and cannot believe anymore because my own life and experiences (and I believe, my Creator) have taught me to know better. Others don’t accept that. Bully for them. Be blessed and go find your own truth. Just please, make sure it IS your own truth and not a line of bull you’ve been sold just because it’s popular and widely perceived as truth.

All good things in life, all truth is hard won. If it came to you in a hand- me -down package, it isn’t yours. Find your own. Do the work for yourself.

If, at this stage of my life, I have any message to share with the world, it is this, these words written in this blog post.

You are worthy. I am worthy. We were each created unique and fabulous in our own way. Stop trying to be a carbon copy of anyone. Stop trying to please everyone or really, anyone (except maybe your boss at work, because, ugh, life.)

Whatever you’re given to do, do it with all of your might. Be the kind of person that can hold your head high because you know and love yourself and can choose for YOU who you are meant to be. (Hint: if you have a natural talent for something, that’s part of who you were meant to be! Find those things and fan those flames.)

If you find that you’ve poked your head up out of the forest and you’ve been chopping down the wrong trees, heading in the wrong direction, it is NEVER too late to change course.

Truth is, love yourself.

Truth is, love your neighbor, even when they don’t look or act like you.

Truth is, NEVER give your power away to an organization, religion, or political affiliation and allow them to do your thinking for you or replace your own conscience. Truth is dug out, never ever adopted.

And so, this is my story and this is my song. This is my message to the world.

We are created to love and care for one another. And if you can’t do that, don’t do any harm to anyone. (If I have a religion, this is it.)

I don’t share because I need you to like me. I share because I WANT you to understand me IF you choose to be in my life.

Be free, friends. Find Truth. Live your best life NOW.

(I’ve started a Facebook Group called The Art of Deconstructing for anyone who has left or is leaving organized religion. If this is you, look it up and join!)

Pammy

 

 

 

 

 

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Welcome Friends!

Journaled Lady: Intimacy

Welcome if you’re new here, if not, welcome back!

I’ve been slack in updating and blogging since the move to Florida. I came here sick with bronchitis, it got worse, and long story shorter, it took me quite a while to get back on top, so to speak. I’m feeling great now though, and really enjoying my Art Journaling classes I began to take last December.

Art Journaling has been such a THING for me, it has changed my life. I’ve learned a ton about how to draw, I’ve come a good way in finding my own unique style, and it is a fabulous way to process emotion. I’ve always found doing my abstract art and paintings to be therapeutic, but journaling has taken it to the next level and has helped combine both of my artistic loves together; writing and painting. In journaling I use pencil, colored pencils, markers, acrylic paints, watercolors, pastels, and just any and every medium.

I’ve even started my own YouTube channel (Pam Swyers is the name of it), and I am beginning to share some of what I’m doing in order to encourage others to grab a pencil and paper (start with the basics!) and dive in. You will not regret it. Having done some traditional therapy, I found going from that to the art journaling to be quite a natural segue and helped me transition into working out my emotions on the page or canvas. My focus is very much Art as Therapy for beginners (because there are many out there doing so many amazing things in this area and I’m still relatively new at it!) but I’ve had friends ask me about it so I found that doing videos is a much easier way to SHOW someone what I’m doing, rather than just trying to TELL them about it.

If you are at all intrigued, give the YouTube channel a look-see. There is not a ton of content up yet, but working on it weekly to add more.

So this is a big thing for me these days, as well as trying to get plugged in to our new community, make local friendships, and go out into beautiful Central Florida and just ENJOY being here.

I’m so happy to be feeling good, out walking in the park again, and back to living my BEST life right now.

Have emotions to process?? Join me! We all do!! Have a great FALL my amazing friends!!

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Settling In

Blog post Mid-September 2019

 

I’ve been a bit “unsettled” since we moved here last November. One of the main reasons we moved was because I wanted to get somewhere my health would be better. Not sure to what degree Florida has helped my physical health (I do think my RA is doing quite well here but, apparently, they have dust and ragweed in abundance here, too,) But I am in remission and I have fallen in love with this area. Most months the temps are mild or moderate though the heat can get wicked in the summer, just like any other place I’ve lived, then add in the humidity at 100 % nearly throughout the summer and hurricane seasons, and I can’t say it’s perfection, but dang it is sure one of the best/prettiest places I’ve ever lived. I always wanted to get near the ocean and now we are six or seven miles from the Atlantic and a fantastic local beach that (off-season) is not crowded at all and during the season still beats PCB and Daytona for lack of traffic and crowds. The people here take care of the beach and all of us pick up trash, watch out for sea turtles, and the like. It’s a friendly little town, though overall way more conservative than I am these days. They are doing something right, though.

When we moved here, I’d already been sick for a solid 18 months or so I think. I’d get repeated ear infections and sinus infections and it had reached critical mass and the infections had spread to my lungs. I’d been coughing for all of that time and nobody seemed to know what to do. They gave me antibiotics about every 6 weeks and threw in steroids occasionally and this was constant.

It is now close to a year later and I can FINALLY say I am back to normal, whatever that means. Still take Zyrtec every day and occasionally use nasal sprays or Sudafed, but no cough for the last month or so, not enough to make note of.

Several months ago, the doctor told me, “We can’t keep giving you steroids and antibiotics” and I’m saying “Duh, so what’s next?” and the only thing anybody knew to try was allergy testing. I resisted for months because I’ve done it twice before in my life, but I finally relented in August. I’m on shots now as well as a strict food allergy diet. I thought I was eating healthy already, but if you’re allergic to it, it isn’t healthy, and I just didn’t know what I was allergic to. Any time I’d try cutting out just one thing, (because there were so many things) I’d just keep on itching and coughing and rashing. Extraordinarily frustrating. I’ve certainly learned just how toxic and messed up our world and our food supply is these days.

Also, the med I was taking for RA, though it made me pain-free in every way (like even normal aches and pains and back pain left me) but it was destroying my immune system. In May I began taking transfer factors and I believe they’ve had a profound effect on my recovery. (Will probably take forever… they keep me infection free!)

But in the midst of alllll this taking place, it was very hard to be excited about our new home. I kept thinking in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t work out and we’d have to move again and What if there is no place on earth I could thrive and be healthy again? Hello plastic bubble living!

So now I’m feeling so much better and it’s been so long since I woke up in the morning and actually got out of bed and had energy and vitality to do things, to make my bed and make a list and Do The Things. I hadn’t been doing much art, a bit here and there, but not a whole lot. We have limited space here so it would often involve dragging out a fold out table and tons of supplies and then cleaning them up after, which is fine, but I often just didn’t feel like messing with all of that.

Fast forward to NOW and I am full of energy and want to do more with my art, so hubs says we can sell a queen bed in one of the guest rooms and get a day bed and make that room my art room and I’m like “Yeeeaaasss!” I am so ready to have a dedicated space, an office or studio, to go to each day and WORK!!! I’ve just not felt like doing anything for so long that I now have pent up energy and I’m raring to go. Going to start walking outside at least 3 or 4 days a week again which I have sorely missed. It’s been too hot, but this will soon change as we enter my favorite time of year (here or anywhere), glorious fall. The temps will drop a bit and sweater weather will come and be perfect for outdoor walking. Rainy season/hurricane season will be gone and I will be ACTIVE again.

We just had our kitchen cabinets painted. I don’t like to brag but I am systematically transforming this house into a gorgeous home. It already doesn’t resemble AT ALL what it looked like when we bought it. We always have projects lined up and we are chipping away at them. We changed our pool into a saltwater pool and replaced pumps and filters and such, nearly all the inside of the house is done painting now… I am definitely a decorator/designer, it is something I greatly enjoy.

And now I get to transform a guest room into an art studio!!! Man am I looking forward to that project.

All in all, life is looking up. It’s still moving at the speed of sound and I wish I could hit the rewind. I miss my kids /family.  It is the biggest downside to living here, but they are grown and have their own lives and schedules. I see them when we can make it happen. Hubs and I talked and decided we need to make the house work for US for the 335 days a year we don’t have company and then adjust when company comes. I am so stoked to get going. Gotta go Google Wayfair now, and some art pieces are drying waiting for the next layer.

I think I’m actually, finally settling in… for real.

😊

 

 

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My Thoughts Today June 21, 2019

Had a great idea today, got it from watching NCIS. I’m thinking of doing a Dead President’s Journal. Let me explain:

It’s not really anything to do with whichever dead president you choose to write to, it’s about writing a letter to someone who will never get it, never read it, in fact you’ll never send it anywhere. It’s your journal, your diary. Sort of like having a dead Pen Pal. Writing TO someone appeals to me. I feel like I might write differently. Yet this person I can really dump on and they won’t mind. Yeah, I think I’m gonna do this.

My nails are too long and it’s making it hard to type. Time to trim.

I am sooo enjoying my art journaling class and love my teacher (and the guest teachers, too). I feel like it’s taking me to the next level in my art journey and this thrills me to no end. I may be finding my own style, my own groove, and damn, that’s a happy place.

I’ve been taking an all-natural immune system booster thingy that seems to be working well for me. I finally think I see a light at the end of the tunnel and may be getting my health back. I have no idea what to do with all the energy I will have if this continues to work well (see all my rants about having sinus infections and a cough for 17 months straight and the docs, 5 of them, saying, “We can’t give you any more steroids and antibiotics for this,” and I’m like Oh Crap), like, I actually convinced hubs to move out of state to see if it would fix my health and it is a bit better with that alone, but mostly I was still struggling, so this health thing is HUGE for me, I cannot even tell you. I may finally be able to take over the world… or at least handle my own.

As for deep spiritual and philosophical stuff, I can only say I continue on my journey, and find more truths daily. The thing I have also found is that, if you have an epiphany or find some nugget of truth, it doesn’t pay to try to share that with anyone who simply cannot be there at the same time with you. Some things really are best unsaid, unless or until you find the gems in your life who get it and can genuinely hear what you’re saying and even kinda understand it. Or, even if they don’t get IT, they kinda get You, and that alone is truly special. Love my gold nuggets, my fam and friends. My art and literary tribes have become super special to me. Artsy people tend to be a different sort; quirky, swirly, different, weird, twirly, crunchy, and wonderful. They are my truest peeps.

I see God weekly at the beach. Sitting and watching the pale whitish crabs pop up outta the sand and toss aside the dirt they just dug out, then look at me and blink their odd little eyes (that sit atop sticks outta their heads) entertains and thrills me like mad. The pelicans that live and play in our area are also quite entertaining. I love how they fly in formation, and if one falls behind, they will come back for him. I really love when they fly super high, then dive straight down into the water to catch a fish.

There are so may lessons in nature, and they don’t involve pulpits or country clubs. The crabs, the pelicans, they just live their lives. They ARE who they are, they just BE. They do what they were made to do.

(MS Word keeps telling me I ought not say “outta” and such things, but hey, this isn’t for a book, it’s just between us friends, so I’m gonna take off my “editor” cap and let it flow.)

Maybe the biggest/bestest thing I’ve learned in the past decade, is that I do not have to care a whit about what others think of me. I can just BE. Be me, just like the crabs and pelicans. Ya think the pelicans go up to the crabs and ask why they behave the way they do? I think not. Live and let live. You be you and I’ll be me. So liberating, so powerful. And to think I used to think it was some duty of mine to go out and change everyone else so that I might understand them better. It is to laugh.

So much of who and what we are is handed down to us, it’s learned behavior, tradition, family patterns, whatever. It’s so powerful to finally look at all of that objectively, to choose what fits me and discard the rest. Forty, or even ten years ago, I could never have imagined being able to do such a thing.

And so, I come back to this… I am good. That means I am well and happy. I have moments of pure joy, times of sadness or despair, aggravation, even depression at times, but all in all, it is truly well with my soul. Because I finally found ME. I now know who I am. And I love me. And that’s pretty all right.

 

 

 

 

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Battle Weary but Bad-Ass

I feel like I’m fighting so many battles. I guess I’ll become a real bad-ass or I’ll die, and sometimes I wonder which! No, that isn’t depression talking, just pure old-fashioned frustration.
I’m not going to post about the immune booster anymore, just because I think I’m going to be on it long-term and don’t want to keep posting every day. Meanwhile if anyone wants to be added to a discussion group about it let me know, and I will post how I’m feeling occasionally as well.
I’m tired. In every way possible. Gonna need to rest/nap today.
Ya know I grew up not learning anything at all about how to confront. I didn’t know how to set boundaries. I had and have a deeeeeep inner world but half the people I went to school with probably don’t even remember me. That was intentional, somewhat.
Being an empath and very sensitive, It didn’t take much bullying or stupid mess coming my way before I would take that into me, take it personally. I didn’t realize back then that when people lash out and hurt you for no reason other than to make you feel small and pump up themselves, it is their issue and not mine. They were the broken ones, but I felt like I was.
If I could go back there’d be some people getting throat-punched, I’m not gonna lie.
But I’m a big-girl now. I’ve worked so hard for every inch, every ounce of growth, and every step of the way has been a battle, every damned step. I finally know who and what I am. I know my worth. I have boundaries, very firm ones in place. I now know that if someone comes along and takes a dump on my day for no reason, that it is their fault not mine. (Especially completely unprovoked.)
I can’t help but feel that twinge, when it happens, that knee-jerk reaction of hurt. Not sure how human I’d be if I didn’t. Now I know things in my head, –and my heart?  Well, it’s learning, it’s catching up. When someone blasts me it is easier for me to get past that hurt and see the reality of the situation, see what’s really happening. Boundaries and shields up. I’m becoming that bad-ass.
It’s a sad truth that we must gird ourselves, that we have to learn how to brace for the next incoming blow. But I think it’s tied to why we are here. Somehow growing and getting stronger is what we’re meant to do.
I’ve never been a physical bad-ass. But inside I’m becoming Wonder Woman. I wish I had her cool toys, though.
Peace.
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I Reject That (Plus Big Love)

Hello! (Blog May 18, 2019 on love, healing, our lenses, etc) AKA “I Reject That”

 

So today hubs and I were having another of our many discussions on political mess, hot points, how people view the world, and oh-so-many things. I’ve had a big blog brewing inside of me this week. So here goes.

We were discussing big government versus small (we do this a lot), and also the Republican vs the Democratic views on each, and let me tell you about the drum I’ve been banging for some time now.

We’ve been taught very efficiently for generations now, and in one way or another, always, HOW to view the world. We’ve been asked to choose our boxes (lenses through which we see the world & ways in which we define ourselves and label others). Few tend to realize this or think about it overly much, we plod on in our daily lives, trying to get by, be happy, raise kids, etc. Who has time for deep thinking or getting a new perspective? Sometimes there is a benefit in being forced into seasons of stillness. You get to think of things in a broader way, look at the big picture (everyone on planet earth) rather than just your little cocooned world.

We were discussing how homeless people are reviled; the “get a job, you loser” mindset vs the person who buys a homeless person a meal, that kinda thing. I’ve been told by people closest to me never to give people money. I reject that. I am a wise, old, smart woman nowadays. I have some discernment. I don’t go around throwing money at everyone I see, but I do follow the spirit and soul inside me that often prompts me to do something when I see a need. Sometimes that’s reaching into my wallet and giving someone $20 and sometimes it is silent prayers or kind thoughts, and sometimes I just don’t know what to do, but listen, I have empathy. I know that, as the Christians say, “There but for the grace of God go I.” (That gets conveniently thrown out at times.)

I know that we are a handful of paychecks from being homeless ourselves. We all are– (unless you happen to have 6 or 7 figures in a savings account, and if you do, good for you, but help others with your money)– so very close to being in trouble. Illness, job loss, any number of things can and do happen. Many churches teach the “they’ll just spend it on booze and drugs” mindset. I reject that. You don’t know that. I don’t know that. Nobody but their higher power knows what they’ll do with the $20 I give them, and I’ll go further and say, I don’t even care. Once I’ve made up my mind that I’m supposed to help someone, it’s my job ONLY to follow that prompting. What they do with it is up to them. They’ll no longer be able to piss and moan that they are hungry cuz they had their chance. But we are taught “Do as I tell You” by people and organizations and not taught to follow your soul and spirit promptings and intuition and heart.

Republican and often Christian or conservative lens or mindset: You deserve the life you have, you didn’t work hard enough, you’re a druggie and a conman. (Talk about judgey! Who died and made you a demi-god?)

Democratic/liberal/hippie mindset often: ( I am pigeon-holing here to prove a point) Oh my! What happened? How are you? Tell me your story. Can I buy you some food or take you to a shelter?

I know there is crossover here, because, exactly my point, we ought not be defined by labels and boxes and allow ourselves to be lumped in like this. But MOST times, each of us will gravitate toward one way of thinking or another.) Why? We’re taught to. Absolutely. All of the people in my scenario here are basically good people and they are convinced they are right. Loving people, people who have kids and don’t even abuse them. Good hearts. But if they don’t fit in our “box” or labeled group that we identify with, we call them evil. If you’re not like me you’re evil.

I reject that.

I refuse to be a Republican or a Democrat but I will be a loving human.

I do come from a very unique perspective, in that—I grew up in a conservative Republican home with parents who, at that time, were not Christians, but we kids jokingly called them Ozzie and Harriet. Good, good people, still are. But they, like everyone, had signed up to a box or lens, to a group that told them, “You don’t have to think for yourself, I got this. I’ll tell you what to think, I’ll skew your thinking, I’ll manipulate you in any way I can to make you believe this Republican agenda is the way and the only way.” And this goes for cults, often churches (don’t stone me) and other organizations as well, of course. Be a sheep, not a leader and do not think things through for yourself.

I had opportunity to expand my thinking and I took it. I journeyed. I fought through a very difficult path (& not just some physically devastating things) but I did the inner work.

Now, hold on, stay with me.

I am not calling all Republicans stupid, though I hear people do that every day. It hurts me. Don’t lump people together and judge them when you do NOT know their life, what they were taught to believe was good and right, and especially before the internet age when our worlds blew up and expanded and we had access to tons more information. My parents, and many still today, were/are cocooned in their box, (& this is my perspective but oh how I love and respect them for many reasons). They’re taught not to go outside that box and read anything or watch anything or believe anything because that threatens their agenda. After all, if people were to begin to believe that all people of every race and political affiliation and religious background and affiliation were good, kind people, (mostly, ‘cept for the ones that do evil for whatever reason), what would that do?? Utter chaos! Dogs and cats living together! Nobody’s agendas are being pushed ahead and people are left to think for and decide for themselves what to believe (in every aspect). Whatever shall we do???

Just please give that a moment and let that sink in. Re-read if necessary, I’m having a drink of water.

Now, to address those specifically who have very strong faith beliefs, such as Christianity, but including all religions and faiths.

You believe how you did because someone you trusted did, and shared it with you. They helped you get some healing revelation and you cried, they cried, Jesus wept, and then you went on to join up with said religion. I’m cool with that because 1) been there, done that, and 2) I believe in REAL freedom of religion. (Which should make me a good American Patriot, if people believed what was written, etc., but I digress.)

(disclaimer; your religious rights cease where they cross the line of someone else’s freedom or safety.)

(If you’re my child reading this, it may have been me that taught you what to believe and took you to church!)

It’s all Learned. All of this is learned Input into all that is you. And whomever taught you what they taught you, they did it with a good motive and heart, I truly believe this, except in extreme cult-like situations, evil people, drunk abusers, etc.

But here is where I reside.

I came out of traditional, fundamental and evangelical Christianity because I had what one might call an awakening FOR ME, and a super big change that happened in my heart and life. It began by looking at people and the world as a whole and not just looking at people in my narrow world. To put it in terms everyone might understand, and this has been extraordinarily difficult to share with people in such a way that they can understand, but I still try sometimes—my heart exploded. My Creator gave me Big Love. (Yeah, sounds hippified, doesn’t it??)

There has always been a hippie non-conformist inside of me. In church I was told I had to subjugate that spirit, stop being a rebel, stop thinking for myself or of myself. I came to realize that everything I have been through in my life led me to that moment, the moment I realized that I am exactly and precisely who my creator made me to be, and that’s okay. I’m okay. I’m truly worthy. I’m good. (Didn’t get that from church teachings.)

For me anyway, church became a place that I saw as–good genuine people, for the most part, that taught me their biblical teachings that they tried in vain to make me accept and understand. But there was always a still small voice (which I now believe to be the voice of my creator) calling me out and away.

As all of this began to happen around 2009, well, you can only imagine the backlash. I’d been a traditional Christian for many, many years. I had raised my children Christian. I’d volunteered and been on staff at church, I had a ton to lose. I began to lose it.

I started seeking truth outside of the belief in the literal interpretations of scripture because, that nagging voice… I’d read things like the story in Genesis where the band of robbers and thieves snuck into a guy’s home one night and began to rape and pillage, and one of the bad guys tried to rape the man’s son (yes man on man rape) and the man responded by saying “Here, please, take my young daughter instead.” This is one of many, many areas in the bible where I began to have trouble. (Anyone thinking of the legislation now and also the dudes that just recently got let off for rape? Proven rape? And one was the rape of his own daughter, and one was in ministry.) Give that some meditative thought and consideration. Pray on that one.

Anyway, our society from the beginning of time has been patriarchal. And maybe that wouldn’t be so bad IF there were not such abuse, if men really cared and loved and cherished and if they protected their women and daughters and did not treat women like second-class (or lower) people, like possessions to be tossed about and used like a tissue and thrown away.

I just had a discussion a couple days ago where we talking about how—every woman has experienced misogyny, you can’t get away from it, it’s so pervasive. Just based on my own personal knowledge of other women alone, I’d give you the statistics that at least 9 out of 10 women, if they told the truth, have been groped, assaulted, demeaned sexually, raped or something of the kind. Men rape their wives and get away with it. Women are so beaten down that they cannot muster up the strength to leave their abusers who threaten to kill them. I don’t need to go on, you know.

I have found the church, particularly in retrospect, to have been a tool in many ways to keep women down. They are still allowed only certain positions in most churches (if any leadership position at all) and are quoted scripture to back it up. Which is a crying shame because many women have so much to offer in these areas.

“Tradition! It’s always been this way! The scriptures say…” Yeah this was put into place with a very real fleshy manly agenda, I guarantee you.

I got to a place where I simply could not be a part of it any more. Not just the women thing, but I cannot accept scripture as 100% literal and applicable in every and all circumstance to my life in 2019. It does not make any sense in many ways and places, and I do believe people sometimes feel this deep down inside of them but have too much to lose to stand up and say it. Learned behavior. Tradition. It has always been this way….

I reject that.

I believe the bible to have tons of good stuff but also lots of history and culture and allegory. Recently Pat Robertson—whom I would never hold out as an authority but still—recently came out and said Christians had to accept scientific fact when it’s presented to them and that the earth was much, much older than first believed. He was practically stoned for it.

I just can’t, my Christian friends and family, I cannot go blindly along anymore. Many of you have heard at least parts of my journey and such before. I had not intended for this to turn into apologetics for my current belief system, at least not entirely, but I guess I must include it when I talk about what I have learned and now believe. For those of you have been wondering (from my old life) but did not know fully what was going on with me, I can only say I love you but walk away from me if you must. I must go my way, led only by my creator, spirit, and intuition. And yeah maybe even some Jesus, Rumi, Jeff Brown, Brene’ Brown and many other writers and teachers I enjoy.

I am at an age where (when I face illnesses and such) I must think about my mortality and I think about who I want to be, what I want to give to the world, what do I want people to know about me, what legacy do I want to leave behind? Love, authenticity, transparency. (Some art and writings, too!!)

Big Love

I spoke before of an awakening, a breaking open of my heart… yes. I was given a love like I have never ever known. If I’m given it, as with any gift, I must use it. I have a love for people that is all-encompassing and worldwide. It does not discern between races, religions or political affiliations (though some of y’all test me sometimes!) LOL! I just mean with the ugliness, name-calling, etc. When you have Big Love (cuz I don’t know what else to call it) it is hard to watch others tearing each other apart that do not have it.

Compassion, empathy. They’re real, people, get to know them.

It broke me, it was that kinda love… then it set me free. No masks, no boxes, I’m just me all the time to everyone. Never experienced this kind of thing before, not like this, and didn’t see much of this kinda love in church, it’s sad to say.

And, of course also, through my journey I’ve learned so many other things, not the least of which is to have strong boundaries. And that I am not filthy, wasn’t born that way, don’t need anything else to save me but my Big Love.

I feel like the whole world is telling me continually to stay in my box, all of us to stay in our boxes. You must choose Republican or Democrat, straight or gay, Choice or Life, black or white, Catholic or Protestant or whatever…

I whole-heartedly reject that.

I’ll go the way of other amazing peace-makers (MLK, Maya Angelou and so, so many others) and walk my solitary path, knowing what I know. Loving how I love.

And at the risk of sounding cheesy, I really and truly do have big squishy, hippie all-encompassing love for you, each of you. And no matter what lens you choose to look through, I sincerely hope and pray it is a lens of Big Love.

Peace Out!

 

 

(PS: Obvs – as long as this is, it is still only a small part of my journey to find me. I will keep on sharing here and there and ask me anything. Cuz that’s what I do.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Things I Know (volume 4365)

 

As of today, May 3, 2019, these are conclusions I’ve come to.

 

  • The secret to life, the universe and everything is not just 42 (ask me if you don’t understand this reference) but is also CONNECTION.
    • I’ve come to realize that the only way to have peace on small levels (in the home) or large (on the world’s stage) is to find true loving connection with other humans. To be so well and confident in one’s self that you can truly relate, without baggage, to others, in a kind, loving, respectful manner. And then to take that love to its fullest level—unconditional and ever-lasting. This is so rare and I believe it is the one thing we are all continually searching for. We are all usually so messed up and broken that we find it hard to relate in a healthy manner to others. And if we manage to get ourselves well, it’s tough to find someone else that is well enough to receive such a love.
  • Although I’m still not sure about fate and destiny, I tend NOT to believe in it, but even so, I have found that, in looking back over my life, there are some truly amazing things that have come out of some tragic things, and I don’t know if this means that bad, sucky things are meant to be or that the universe loves redemption and bringing something good out of something bad. (This is a repetitive theme.) I DO NOT believe that bad, tragic things are God’s will.
  • Call it Karma or the law of sowing and reaping, but I have observed that hard work and perseverance pays off, almost every single time. I’ve yet to see every bad guy get their come-uppance, but I’d like to believe that happens, too. (But each of us is a “bad guy” in some way in someone else’s story… so I ought not wish harm on the bad guy. I’ll leave that to the Higher Power.)
  • I’ve been on a spiritual journey since age 7 when I found an old hymnal and would sing songs, making up my own tunes, to go with the words, many of which I did not understand. Many of which I still do not understand. But it drew me, the idea that there was a benevolent God who loved and cared for me. And so it all began.

 

I was a part of very right-wing evangelical fundamentalist theology for many years and have since “searched” my way out of that into a different place… after many years of study, research and struggle, I have “landed” in a place where I KNOW very little but, because of many of my experiences, I tend to believe in an Intelligent Creator, though that no longer looks the way it did. I have found many American traditional religions to be restrictive, manipulative, and cause people to have zero sense of themselves or a necessary self-love. Somehow many religions are very good at making people feel small and worthless and keeping them in line, telling them exactly how to believe and who to be. Now, I know many people would argue they didn’t get that message, but I did. I learned a lot in churches, I learned a ton of leadership skills, found a sense of community, and saw people love on each other, so I’m not saying it’s all bad or wrong. To each his/her own. But I likely will never be a part of an organized religion again. For me, breaking away has been liberating and has taught me to find healing, therapy, and help to get WELL and get my head on straight. It’s what it took for me, but no judgments. Again, to each his/her own. Do what works for you.

 

I don’t judge any religion harshly (except for any extremists that would advocate killing or hating others).

 

I KNOW very little these days, but I do know that restrictive religions are not for me. I will decide how to chase my God and live my life. I will never hand that power over to anyone or any organization again.

 

I believe all religions have humans and therefore have agendas that are not at all god-like. But that’s just me.

  • I know that I am ready and open for real, authentic and loving connections. I know I will meet the right people at the right time. I seek to have these kinds of relationships with my family first and then outward from there.
  • There is no friend like a friend who will sit and listen to you ramble and struggle, without judgment, who will sit with you in the dark places. I will call out my friend Laura as one who—though we disagree on some things theologically—will and has been there for me through many rough times. What a gem. I need more of that, and I wish it for you, too.
  • I know that I have dropped all of my masks. I think most people go through much or all of their lives (unintentionally) putting on different hats or masks for different people in their lives—spouse one, church one, family one, friends one…etc., but I no longer do that. I’ve always been a very “for real” person and I think I’ve brought that to its fullest extent by dropping all masks. I will be the same ME to anyone I relate to. If anyone doesn’t like it, that’s on them. It’s been such a powerful and empowering thing for me. I no longer live to please others, that’s not what I’m called to do, I don’t think anyone is. But I will always care about my family and hope they love me as I am. (Family includes those close inner-circle friends.)
  • If you don’t have your health (mental, emotional, spiritual, physical) you have nothing.

 

Two pages, and I’m spent for now. Until the next installment…. Who knows what I’ll have learned by then??? Love to you.

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Women & Self-esteem

I haven’t written a blog in a while. We moved to Florida in November and I started an art class in January and I’ve been dealing with annoying health crap as well. After a while I will really get the itch, so here I am! Finally doing a blog post again.

So many things have been on my mind and heart lately, but I wanted to share some thoughts on women and self-esteem. Earlier I commented on this older ladies’ post and she’d had her hair done and make-up done and she looked amazing, so I said “You are gorgeous.” And yes, I meant it, she did. I think it meant so much to her because we women, for so many reasons, don’t feel beautiful. I’d like to say this is a problem in older women (and goodness knows everything is harder and worse and amplified as we age) but it isn’t just older women. I’ve heard my grand-girls at ages 3 and 7 & 8 years old, make negative comments about themselves, their weight, their whatever. It breaks my heart.

I’m so glad I’ve had an awakening of sorts, and I’ve been through therapy, and I’ve made an attempt at getting a handle on these kinds of things. I try to take every opportunity to tell women (& girls) how beautiful they are. But also, to emphasize that they are also smart, or talented, or whatever other wonderful thing I may see in them (because it really isn’t all about the physical, though we’ve been trained to think that.)

I wish my parents had told me I was beautiful more often, and I’ll tell you why. This world and many, many of the people in it will take every opportunity to put 2 messages into our heads, as follows:

“It is all about your looks, pretty people do better, get more and better jobs, attract better men, etc. And you are just not measuring up to the ideal.” Show me one girl or woman who hasn’t experienced this in some way, even at a young age, and I’ll show you someone who grew up in a commune/cult. No, no, it’d even happen there. For whatever reason, this message will and does get across. The media, TV, movies, have traditionally been about this outer beauty and have, intentionally or not, sent the message to all females that we must fit a particular ideal or we are wrong/ugly/stupid/unworthy. And many boys and men have made it worse and enforced the idea by treating women as objects, requiring them to look a certain way before even considering a relationship, treating them as though they are “less than,” ugly, or just plain don’t measure up.

Well hallelujah and pass the jeweled crown, because I have a different message for ya. Women are so stinkin’ strong. They have been treated badly forever and still carry children inside of them, they do jobs of all kinds, traditionally-male jobs oftentimes, and often better, faster, and more reliably than their male counter-parts. They know from pain. They have taken the abuse and mistreatment and have grown stronger, tougher, smarter, for it.

This isn’t meant to be “anti-man,” no not at all. I know several great, good men, who do their best to treat women with the dignity and respect they deserve, but more often (in my 55 years of life) I have unfortunately found these men to be rare. More often we find the misogynistic cat-calling, judgy kind that will ask for a beer, belch, rub their beer belly, then complain that their svelte 140-pound wife needs to drop a few. Double standard? Absolutely.

In a TV show recently, there was a husband that said something to his wife about how she had “undermined his authority” and she came back with, “but I’m not under your authority, I am your wife and your partner, and someone you love.” I loved that.

This is a good place to segue into the topic of how religion and church have gone a long way towards propagating this attitude. For millennia men in the church have been taught to treat their wives as “under” them and just a little bit less than. That their opinions really don’t matter in the end. This (in my opinion) is a big manipulative abuse, one of many, that has been caused by mankind using the bible to subjugate their wives. Now I know a lot of you disagree, yet, I’ve seen about 65 % of the couples I used to go to church with, end up divorcing. Now maybe these weren’t all about their patriarchal attitudes, but it is very telling. It just doesn’t work in the real world. Even for religious, devout folks. It just doesn’t. There must be a reason… oh yeah, there is. It was never meant to be that way. I refuse to believe it another second of my life. (I actually came to this conclusion many years ago, and got freedom in a lot of areas. And yes, I’m a very happily married woman.)

But, as usual when I get going, I have digressed. Though it all plays together. Women have always been told they were, and treated, as less than, forever. It just isn’t true.

It’s time for women to come into their own, and it starts at a very young age. Stop telling your daughter she’s too heavy. If she has a serious weight problem that causes health issues, get her therapy and a doctor, but love and support her all the way. Tell her she’s gorgeous. Tell her she’s smart. Tell her you love the way she smiles, paints, writes, dances…. All of it. Never worry about it going to her head, because the only way it goes into her head is by giving her a positive sense of self-image and worth. Don’t forget tons and tons of compliments and positivity in every aspect and area of her being. Compliment her soul and spirit and how hard she works.

It begins in the home (as most things do). Fathers, show your daughters that their opinions matter and that they are capable of doing anything (I repeat anything) they want to do. Revere and respect them and they will give that back to you 100-fold.

Things are changing for the better for women, but we have so, so far to go.

As for me, I never negative self-talk anymore. I don’t call myself fat or ugly or stupid. I’m not, so why would I? I’m positive all the way. I get up each morning, (almost every morning!) excited and passionate that I get to use this bod to do the things I want, need and love to do. I’m free. And it’s amazing.

I am happier and freer than I have ever been, more confident, in control of what I allow around me (boundaries) and all that wonderful stuff. I got self-esteem in spades, and I’ve learned how to keep it going and growing.

(Hint: Stop worrying ALL the time, what others think of you. This is a BIGGIE.) I mean everyone. Be the real you and those who truly love you will stay with ya.

Don’t be afraid to speak truth to power. Your version of truth, not theirs. (I’ve learned everyone has their own.) Your spouse, your kids, your in-laws. Let them see the real you. They love you or they don’t. Simple but not always easy.

You gotta get you some of this freedom stuff. It will change your life.

PS: You’re gorgeous!! And powerful!! And worthy!! You really, truly are.

(I’m standing in my Warrior Stance. If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you’ll know what I mean.)

Peace Out!!

 

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Blog Post January 31, 2019 The Quilt

 

Haven’t blogged in a while, been drawing and working in my art journal (taking an amazing class by the way) and have been expending a ton of my creative energy there. I’ve been doing a lot of handwriting in my other journals as well. I can type all day and get nary a cramp, but when I pick up a pen, I seem to have about an hour (on my best days) to write and spew on the page before my hands begin to cramp up. So. This has seemed to make me want to handwrite all day long. I guess I’ve been feeling like, I only have so many more days in my life that I’ll be able to handwrite notes, blogs, journal entries (etc) so I’ve been writing in and all over everything in sight. (See how stubborn I am?) I always have felt as though I want to leave a ton of stuff behind when I shuffle off the mortal coil, stuff to read, paintings to look at, etc. I want to leave as much of myself as I can for my kids and grandkids. I want them to be able to (when they miss me) pick up a diary or journal and read what was on my heart on a particular day. Or read one of my books and feel close to me. I’ve always felt like writing was a way to be kinda immortal.

Anyhoo, I was thinking today about the world at large and how we all, as humans, have a tendency to segregate ourselves. Yes, you’ve heard this rant before (“why can’t we all just get along??!!”) but I was thinking today about the world as a huge quilt.

Come along with me, if you will. Picture this: So, the entire world is a huge quilt. (No, I’m not a flat-earther, but just go along.) Every color-patch on said quilt represented a place on the earth (or a race, religion, tribe, or culture). I was thinking that the blues, those who live in the blue area, they’re always gonna see the world as blue. They’ll go to their grave swearing the world is blue and that is the only truth in the universe. Well, meanwhile, the yellows on the other side of the world, they are doing the same thing with yellow. They see only yellow, every thing has that golden glow. You can tell them the world is blue, but they’re not buying it. “The world is Yellow!” They will shout at the top of their lungs. “You others are idiots! Everyone with any sense knows, it’s yellow.”

Same for greens,

Same for reds,

Same for purples, etc ad nauseum.

So, each color on the quilt, they’re seeing only their own limited perspective. Still with me?

Is Yellow wrong? Are the blues?

Or is the quilt, the quilt, no matter what color?

Now, here’s the mind-blowing part.

The quilt is TRUTH. You thought this was about race relations, right? Well, there is that whole issue, but more than that, I am always flabbergasted that humans still think they corner the market on truth. If you’re in the blue section of the quilt, then your truth is that blue is the THING. There is only blue and everyone MUST believe it cuz it’s the truth. You might try to tell them about all the other lovely colors, but they will cover their ears and sing, “lalalalalala, I can’t hear you!” being as unteachable as a garden stump.

For many years I was in my little patch of the quilt and thought I had it all figured out, I was good to go. Then my world grew and expanded and I saw that there are more truths in the universe than any of us will likely ever grasp. They don’t fit in one book, not even in hundreds of books. I do NOT have it all figured out, and I believe, neither do you. That’s my belief. (Not to dis any of you and your green quilt patches or whatever) because I’ve also learned to love all the colors on the entire quilt, all the followers of those colors, all the believers of those colors, knowing now, that THIS is their truth, and I have NO right to judge it.

Perspective. It’s a thing, people. Nobody knows everything. Hopefully each color has a piece of truth.

Always be humble and kind as we all seek truth together.

Peace Out,

Pammy

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Mark My Word (blog post November 27, 2018)

 

Are you a recovering control freak like me? If you are, you have some tough days ahead. If you haven’t already hit some major walls, had some major breakdowns, they’re coming—mark my word.

One of the truths of the universe, is that we, as individuals, have little-to-no control over anything—ever. In my years on planet earth, this lesson has been pounded into my head in big ways and small.

When you’re a child, you can’t wait to grow up and feel like you’re calling your own shots, doing your own thing, making your own choices… and that is kinda cool, until the larger “adult” realities begin to kick in. With great freedom comes great responsibility, and the older you get, you learn the costs of freedom. AND you learn that there are consequences to your actions.

Sometimes we make things happen in life. Sometimes we make choices with unreasonable expectations of the outcome of these decisions. We think “if I do THIS, then THIS will happen.” Sometimes that is true. Sometimes it isn’t. Because wisdom is learning that you can plan all you want, and sometimes we just do NOT have control of things. Life happens, chaos happens and the bad decisions and choices of others in the world can have a negative outcome for you and I.

“If I get in my car and drive carefully to the store, I’ll get back home safely and in a timely manner.” Well, maybe.

“If I do my work, then everything else will fall into place. I assume everyone else is going to do what they’re supposed to, what I want them to do, and it will all be fine.” We all know what assumptions cause. Major amounts of grief. Assumptions and expectations seem to be at the root of all pain and misery.

If you are deluded into thinking you can change or control someone else, you’re in for a world of hurt. If you think you have absolute control over your life, think again.

So, in the end, when we hit those walls, when we realize that things did NOT go according to plan, when we’re faced with the hard truth that we control NOTHING, the best we can do is scream and cry and then let it go. LET IT GO.

Growing up means that you learn that sometimes you just want to pop down to the store and be home in ten minutes and it works out that way, and sometimes you hit major traffic jams, someone tries to run you off the road, there are not enough cashiers at the check-outs, and on the way home you’re rear-ended, Just for an example. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, life just doesn’t go your way.

This control thing has come back to the forefront for me over and over and over again, because if you don’t learn a lesson, life keeps teaching it to you UNTIL YOU GET IT.

Man plans, God laughs, it’s a truth. Accept it. Let go of control. Don’t try to change others. Stop expecting perfection of yourself and others. LET IT GO. If you don’t, you’re headed for a breakdown.

MARK MY WORDS.

 

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Dear Ones, It’s Time to Change (In the wake of another mass shooting)

Dear one,

I know it’s hard. Change is always hard. You’ve always been a good person, a person who chased after the things of God, love, and light. It’s not your fault-to a large degree- that you’ve been led so astray. At some point your fervor became more about the rule of law and less about your love for people, it was a slow but natural progression.

Our world promotes this behavior, it works actively to divide and separate us. Label everyone, divvy them up, pit them against each other. It’s a dark plan that has worked all too well.

It’s time to awaken, dear ones, to awaken to see the wool that has been so firmly placed over your eyes. Are we our brother’s keeper? A definitive YES. It’s our fault…. ALL of this. It’s our fault, yours and mine. We’ve been had, fooled, bamboozled.

We are here in this world to love our Creator, (should you choose to believe in one), our world, and our fellow humans, and to care for the animals and all living things on this beautiful earth. We’ve gone so, so far astray.

Hatred, ignorance, placing our hands over our ears and allowing ourselves to be taught things that we know deep down inside are wrong, our hearts have hardened. We hide in our churchy cocoons, our religious belief or lack thereof, we make up our minds about things based on limited information at a young and vulnerable age and then refuse to learn, refuse to grow, refuse to love.

For me, if it does not align with the principles of LOVE then I do not follow it or believe in it, period. It’s that simple. Humans can convolute scripture, belief systems, they can justify anything and everything, and more often than not, we completely miss the forest for the trees.

It’s not about religion or political affiliation. It’s about LOVE and RIGHT and LIGHT vs HATE and WRONG and DARKNESS. That’s the bottom line for me. It’s always been about your heart and your spirit.

Let’s find that inner most child again, get back to basics. Before it’s too late.

 

 

 

 

 

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Some Days…

Some days are joyous celebrations of life,

complete with wine, love, family and friends.

Some days feel like waste; time wasted, life wasted, energy wasted, life has no flavor.

If we aren’t careful it becomes a true roller coaster ride, careening around with our plethora of emotions, dictating what we get out of life, how much we enjoy it.

We must remember that we are the choosers. We decide what our day will be like, our thoughts, our attitudes, our minds. We cannot control anything in life, but we can and must control how we face it.

I choose joy. I choose patience. I choose to enjoy the journey, whether I’m heading up or rolling down or waiting that fees like waste.

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Broken-winged Butterfly

Today I am a broken-winged butterfly.

Right now I am dealing with five separate and highly annoying health issues, none of which I believe to be life-threatening, but all causing my life to be high-maintenance. When the summer and the onslaught of issues started (last month it was five but not the same five as this month, so it’s been a rough summer) I did my cocoon thing. When I get sick I tend to hold up in my bed for days. It’s my cocoon.

After the last several days I felt myself beginning to spiral towards depression (again). Health issues always take me there when I begin to feel overwhelmed.

But this morning was different. I chose different. I decided that today I would get out of bed and choose to behave as if life was okay. I got up and did my hair and got clean and dressed as if I were “normal.” As if I were going to go out in to the world of normal and be normal. And then I began to think, so, what if this IS my new normal?

Since being diagnosed with RA (an auto-immune disease) I have had a TON of trouble with my immune system not functioning well. I’ve changed my diet SEVERAL times before getting to a place where I feel I am eating the best I can for me and my body and to be able to maintain it for the rest of my life. I listen to my body.

One dramatic change, for example, was NOT eating sugar. I’ve had to give it up to a 90% degree. Some weeks it probably is more like 99% but sugar hides in everything and so is hard to escape entirely. I don’t do cakes and cookies and stuff, anything empty white sugar, because if I do, I immediately hurt. I have cut it from my life. (Sometimes during the holiday season I will try and make a no-low sugar alternative dessert, but for the most part, that is just gone from my life.) And this is just one example of many changes I won’t bore you with.

My body takes two to three times longer to heal when I get sick. It just does. So there’s that. I am becoming a germaphobe.

So, back to today and my current five issues. I decided I was going to live one day at a time, living as though I would have to deal with these issues for the rest of my life. Would I get up and take care of them and get on with it? Or would I give up and give in??? It was an “in your face” moment for me. (Thanks, Universe.)

All I can say is that for today I left my cocoon, and I took flight, broken-wings and all. My flight path was altered a bit. I flew in crazy swirly curly lines and slapped into things once or twice, but I’m flying.

One day at a time.

Thanks for listening friends and fellow butterflies!! (Keep flapping those wings!)

 

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Fallacies about Life We’ve Learned from FRIENDS

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan. I can quote many episodes word for word, but the show FRIENDS did give us quite an unrealistic view of how our lives should be/might be/could be.

1)     Everyone you care about will always live within 10 minutes of you and will magically appear in a time of crisis.  Now, we know this isn’t true. People move, they have jobs that dictate their schedules, spouses, lives outside of you, so they will not magically appear and throw an arm around your neck when you need it.

2)     Your tribe will be the same six or eight people forever. You and I know that friendships in the real world come and go, and sometimes seem to change with the wind or the season. Chances are good that, though you may have a friend or two throughout your life, your tribe can change as your life changes.

3)     All of life’s problems can and should be settled in under 45 minutes. As with all sit-coms, we see major life issues arrive and be settled to a fair and equitable outcome for all, in under 45 minutes. Soooo not the case in real life, where our problems go on for days, weeks, even years.

4)     Never boot anyone out of your life. Okay, can we say BOUNDARIES? How many of you would put up with some of what these people put up with? Could I really be BFFs with Ross Geller forever? I’m thinking… no. And real-life Monica Gellers have few real long-term friends because of their OCD tendencies and chronic neatness. As an intense person myself, I can say that it can make it tough to maintain the kind of friendships she has, and it would be exhausting for her to have people coming and going in her space all of the time.  And Joey is a misogynistic perv more often than not, running through women like he (hopefully) changes his underwear.

5)     And what about Phoebe? Well, okay, I have nothing negative to say about a homeless gal who has no real visible means of support but manages to live very well in the end. She somehow manages to pull herself out of some tough spaces and maintains her sanity. (But honestly, how much does massage therapy pay??)

6)     And Rachel is our “normal” one. She must’ve been designed and created as the normal gal. Normal. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, no weight problems, perfect hair. Her biggest issues are, which hot dude do I want today and can I make it in the fashion industry? Poor Rachel. We should all be so normal.

7)     Chandler Bing! I must confess Chan-man is my favorite. He’s got that “boy next door cute goofiness” that is hard to resist. He’s smart, funny, and can make a girl laugh. What more could you want? He’s the one we always find ourselves rooting for. You want him to find true love and make good in life.

So, in summary, what can we learn from FRIENDS? That it is great entertainment. Period.