Author: plswyers

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Women & Self-esteem

I haven’t written a blog in a while. We moved to Florida in November and I started an art class in January and I’ve been dealing with annoying health crap as well. After a while I will really get the itch, so here I am! Finally doing a blog post again.

So many things have been on my mind and heart lately, but I wanted to share some thoughts on women and self-esteem. Earlier I commented on this older ladies’ post and she’d had her hair done and make-up done and she looked amazing, so I said “You are gorgeous.” And yes, I meant it, she did. I think it meant so much to her because we women, for so many reasons, don’t feel beautiful. I’d like to say this is a problem in older women (and goodness knows everything is harder and worse and amplified as we age) but it isn’t just older women. I’ve heard my grand-girls at ages 3 and 7 & 8 years old, make negative comments about themselves, their weight, their whatever. It breaks my heart.

I’m so glad I’ve had an awakening of sorts, and I’ve been through therapy, and I’ve made an attempt at getting a handle on these kinds of things. I try to take every opportunity to tell women (& girls) how beautiful they are. But also, to emphasize that they are also smart, or talented, or whatever other wonderful thing I may see in them (because it really isn’t all about the physical, though we’ve been trained to think that.)

I wish my parents had told me I was beautiful more often, and I’ll tell you why. This world and many, many of the people in it will take every opportunity to put 2 messages into our heads, as follows:

“It is all about your looks, pretty people do better, get more and better jobs, attract better men, etc. And you are just not measuring up to the ideal.” Show me one girl or woman who hasn’t experienced this in some way, even at a young age, and I’ll show you someone who grew up in a commune/cult. No, no, it’d even happen there. For whatever reason, this message will and does get across. The media, TV, movies, have traditionally been about this outer beauty and have, intentionally or not, sent the message to all females that we must fit a particular ideal or we are wrong/ugly/stupid/unworthy. And many boys and men have made it worse and enforced the idea by treating women as objects, requiring them to look a certain way before even considering a relationship, treating them as though they are “less than,” ugly, or just plain don’t measure up.

Well hallelujah and pass the jeweled crown, because I have a different message for ya. Women are so stinkin’ strong. They have been treated badly forever and still carry children inside of them, they do jobs of all kinds, traditionally-male jobs oftentimes, and often better, faster, and more reliably than their male counter-parts. They know from pain. They have taken the abuse and mistreatment and have grown stronger, tougher, smarter, for it.

This isn’t meant to be “anti-man,” no not at all. I know several great, good men, who do their best to treat women with the dignity and respect they deserve, but more often (in my 55 years of life) I have unfortunately found these men to be rare. More often we find the misogynistic cat-calling, judgy kind that will ask for a beer, belch, rub their beer belly, then complain that their svelte 140-pound wife needs to drop a few. Double standard? Absolutely.

In a TV show recently, there was a husband that said something to his wife about how she had “undermined his authority” and she came back with, “but I’m not under your authority, I am your wife and your partner, and someone you love.” I loved that.

This is a good place to segue into the topic of how religion and church have gone a long way towards propagating this attitude. For millennia men in the church have been taught to treat their wives as “under” them and just a little bit less than. That their opinions really don’t matter in the end. This (in my opinion) is a big manipulative abuse, one of many, that has been caused by mankind using the bible to subjugate their wives. Now I know a lot of you disagree, yet, I’ve seen about 65 % of the couples I used to go to church with, end up divorcing. Now maybe these weren’t all about their patriarchal attitudes, but it is very telling. It just doesn’t work in the real world. Even for religious, devout folks. It just doesn’t. There must be a reason… oh yeah, there is. It was never meant to be that way. I refuse to believe it another second of my life. (I actually came to this conclusion many years ago, and got freedom in a lot of areas. And yes, I’m a very happily married woman.)

But, as usual when I get going, I have digressed. Though it all plays together. Women have always been told they were, and treated, as less than, forever. It just isn’t true.

It’s time for women to come into their own, and it starts at a very young age. Stop telling your daughter she’s too heavy. If she has a serious weight problem that causes health issues, get her therapy and a doctor, but love and support her all the way. Tell her she’s gorgeous. Tell her she’s smart. Tell her you love the way she smiles, paints, writes, dances…. All of it. Never worry about it going to her head, because the only way it goes into her head is by giving her a positive sense of self-image and worth. Don’t forget tons and tons of compliments and positivity in every aspect and area of her being. Compliment her soul and spirit and how hard she works.

It begins in the home (as most things do). Fathers, show your daughters that their opinions matter and that they are capable of doing anything (I repeat anything) they want to do. Revere and respect them and they will give that back to you 100-fold.

Things are changing for the better for women, but we have so, so far to go.

As for me, I never negative self-talk anymore. I don’t call myself fat or ugly or stupid. I’m not, so why would I? I’m positive all the way. I get up each morning, (almost every morning!) excited and passionate that I get to use this bod to do the things I want, need and love to do. I’m free. And it’s amazing.

I am happier and freer than I have ever been, more confident, in control of what I allow around me (boundaries) and all that wonderful stuff. I got self-esteem in spades, and I’ve learned how to keep it going and growing.

(Hint: Stop worrying ALL the time, what others think of you. This is a BIGGIE.) I mean everyone. Be the real you and those who truly love you will stay with ya.

Don’t be afraid to speak truth to power. Your version of truth, not theirs. (I’ve learned everyone has their own.) Your spouse, your kids, your in-laws. Let them see the real you. They love you or they don’t. Simple but not always easy.

You gotta get you some of this freedom stuff. It will change your life.

PS: You’re gorgeous!! And powerful!! And worthy!! You really, truly are.

(I’m standing in my Warrior Stance. If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you’ll know what I mean.)

Peace Out!!

 

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Blog Post January 31, 2019 The Quilt

 

Haven’t blogged in a while, been drawing and working in my art journal (taking an amazing class by the way) and have been expending a ton of my creative energy there. I’ve been doing a lot of handwriting in my other journals as well. I can type all day and get nary a cramp, but when I pick up a pen, I seem to have about an hour (on my best days) to write and spew on the page before my hands begin to cramp up. So. This has seemed to make me want to handwrite all day long. I guess I’ve been feeling like, I only have so many more days in my life that I’ll be able to handwrite notes, blogs, journal entries (etc) so I’ve been writing in and all over everything in sight. (See how stubborn I am?) I always have felt as though I want to leave a ton of stuff behind when I shuffle off the mortal coil, stuff to read, paintings to look at, etc. I want to leave as much of myself as I can for my kids and grandkids. I want them to be able to (when they miss me) pick up a diary or journal and read what was on my heart on a particular day. Or read one of my books and feel close to me. I’ve always felt like writing was a way to be kinda immortal.

Anyhoo, I was thinking today about the world at large and how we all, as humans, have a tendency to segregate ourselves. Yes, you’ve heard this rant before (“why can’t we all just get along??!!”) but I was thinking today about the world as a huge quilt.

Come along with me, if you will. Picture this: So, the entire world is a huge quilt. (No, I’m not a flat-earther, but just go along.) Every color-patch on said quilt represented a place on the earth (or a race, religion, tribe, or culture). I was thinking that the blues, those who live in the blue area, they’re always gonna see the world as blue. They’ll go to their grave swearing the world is blue and that is the only truth in the universe. Well, meanwhile, the yellows on the other side of the world, they are doing the same thing with yellow. They see only yellow, every thing has that golden glow. You can tell them the world is blue, but they’re not buying it. “The world is Yellow!” They will shout at the top of their lungs. “You others are idiots! Everyone with any sense knows, it’s yellow.”

Same for greens,

Same for reds,

Same for purples, etc ad nauseum.

So, each color on the quilt, they’re seeing only their own limited perspective. Still with me?

Is Yellow wrong? Are the blues?

Or is the quilt, the quilt, no matter what color?

Now, here’s the mind-blowing part.

The quilt is TRUTH. You thought this was about race relations, right? Well, there is that whole issue, but more than that, I am always flabbergasted that humans still think they corner the market on truth. If you’re in the blue section of the quilt, then your truth is that blue is the THING. There is only blue and everyone MUST believe it cuz it’s the truth. You might try to tell them about all the other lovely colors, but they will cover their ears and sing, “lalalalalala, I can’t hear you!” being as unteachable as a garden stump.

For many years I was in my little patch of the quilt and thought I had it all figured out, I was good to go. Then my world grew and expanded and I saw that there are more truths in the universe than any of us will likely ever grasp. They don’t fit in one book, not even in hundreds of books. I do NOT have it all figured out, and I believe, neither do you. That’s my belief. (Not to dis any of you and your green quilt patches or whatever) because I’ve also learned to love all the colors on the entire quilt, all the followers of those colors, all the believers of those colors, knowing now, that THIS is their truth, and I have NO right to judge it.

Perspective. It’s a thing, people. Nobody knows everything. Hopefully each color has a piece of truth.

Always be humble and kind as we all seek truth together.

Peace Out,

Pammy

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Mark My Word (blog post November 27, 2018)

 

Are you a recovering control freak like me? If you are, you have some tough days ahead. If you haven’t already hit some major walls, had some major breakdowns, they’re coming—mark my word.

One of the truths of the universe, is that we, as individuals, have little-to-no control over anything—ever. In my years on planet earth, this lesson has been pounded into my head in big ways and small.

When you’re a child, you can’t wait to grow up and feel like you’re calling your own shots, doing your own thing, making your own choices… and that is kinda cool, until the larger “adult” realities begin to kick in. With great freedom comes great responsibility, and the older you get, you learn the costs of freedom. AND you learn that there are consequences to your actions.

Sometimes we make things happen in life. Sometimes we make choices with unreasonable expectations of the outcome of these decisions. We think “if I do THIS, then THIS will happen.” Sometimes that is true. Sometimes it isn’t. Because wisdom is learning that you can plan all you want, and sometimes we just do NOT have control of things. Life happens, chaos happens and the bad decisions and choices of others in the world can have a negative outcome for you and I.

“If I get in my car and drive carefully to the store, I’ll get back home safely and in a timely manner.” Well, maybe.

“If I do my work, then everything else will fall into place. I assume everyone else is going to do what they’re supposed to, what I want them to do, and it will all be fine.” We all know what assumptions cause. Major amounts of grief. Assumptions and expectations seem to be at the root of all pain and misery.

If you are deluded into thinking you can change or control someone else, you’re in for a world of hurt. If you think you have absolute control over your life, think again.

So, in the end, when we hit those walls, when we realize that things did NOT go according to plan, when we’re faced with the hard truth that we control NOTHING, the best we can do is scream and cry and then let it go. LET IT GO.

Growing up means that you learn that sometimes you just want to pop down to the store and be home in ten minutes and it works out that way, and sometimes you hit major traffic jams, someone tries to run you off the road, there are not enough cashiers at the check-outs, and on the way home you’re rear-ended, Just for an example. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, life just doesn’t go your way.

This control thing has come back to the forefront for me over and over and over again, because if you don’t learn a lesson, life keeps teaching it to you UNTIL YOU GET IT.

Man plans, God laughs, it’s a truth. Accept it. Let go of control. Don’t try to change others. Stop expecting perfection of yourself and others. LET IT GO. If you don’t, you’re headed for a breakdown.

MARK MY WORDS.

 

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Dear Ones, It’s Time to Change (In the wake of another mass shooting)

Dear one,

I know it’s hard. Change is always hard. You’ve always been a good person, a person who chased after the things of God, love, and light. It’s not your fault-to a large degree- that you’ve been led so astray. At some point your fervor became more about the rule of law and less about your love for people, it was a slow but natural progression.

Our world promotes this behavior, it works actively to divide and separate us. Label everyone, divvy them up, pit them against each other. It’s a dark plan that has worked all too well.

It’s time to awaken, dear ones, to awaken to see the wool that has been so firmly placed over your eyes. Are we our brother’s keeper? A definitive YES. It’s our fault…. ALL of this. It’s our fault, yours and mine. We’ve been had, fooled, bamboozled.

We are here in this world to love our Creator, (should you choose to believe in one), our world, and our fellow humans, and to care for the animals and all living things on this beautiful earth. We’ve gone so, so far astray.

Hatred, ignorance, placing our hands over our ears and allowing ourselves to be taught things that we know deep down inside are wrong, our hearts have hardened. We hide in our churchy cocoons, our religious belief or lack thereof, we make up our minds about things based on limited information at a young and vulnerable age and then refuse to learn, refuse to grow, refuse to love.

For me, if it does not align with the principles of LOVE then I do not follow it or believe in it, period. It’s that simple. Humans can convolute scripture, belief systems, they can justify anything and everything, and more often than not, we completely miss the forest for the trees.

It’s not about religion or political affiliation. It’s about LOVE and RIGHT and LIGHT vs HATE and WRONG and DARKNESS. That’s the bottom line for me. It’s always been about your heart and your spirit.

Let’s find that inner most child again, get back to basics. Before it’s too late.

 

 

 

 

 

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Some Days…

Some days are joyous celebrations of life,

complete with wine, love, family and friends.

Some days feel like waste; time wasted, life wasted, energy wasted, life has no flavor.

If we aren’t careful it becomes a true roller coaster ride, careening around with our plethora of emotions, dictating what we get out of life, how much we enjoy it.

We must remember that we are the choosers. We decide what our day will be like, our thoughts, our attitudes, our minds. We cannot control anything in life, but we can and must control how we face it.

I choose joy. I choose patience. I choose to enjoy the journey, whether I’m heading up or rolling down or waiting that fees like waste.

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Leaves for Lesser Creatures

(I wrote this last fall and I find myself thinking of it again. Can’t wait for those gorgeous orange leaves and cooler temps. Published in Heart of Courage, a book of poetry.)

 

Looking out at the breeze

As it knocks at the leaves

Some fall

Others don’t

Their colors like a drug trip

Colors only the imagination can dream up

But here they are

Real

Touchable

A signature of a Creative Mind

Showing off

To lesser creatures

 

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Broken-winged Butterfly

Today I am a broken-winged butterfly.

Right now I am dealing with five separate and highly annoying health issues, none of which I believe to be life-threatening, but all causing my life to be high-maintenance. When the summer and the onslaught of issues started (last month it was five but not the same five as this month, so it’s been a rough summer) I did my cocoon thing. When I get sick I tend to hold up in my bed for days. It’s my cocoon.

After the last several days I felt myself beginning to spiral towards depression (again). Health issues always take me there when I begin to feel overwhelmed.

But this morning was different. I chose different. I decided that today I would get out of bed and choose to behave as if life was okay. I got up and did my hair and got clean and dressed as if I were “normal.” As if I were going to go out in to the world of normal and be normal. And then I began to think, so, what if this IS my new normal?

Since being diagnosed with RA (an auto-immune disease) I have had a TON of trouble with my immune system not functioning well. I’ve changed my diet SEVERAL times before getting to a place where I feel I am eating the best I can for me and my body and to be able to maintain it for the rest of my life. I listen to my body.

One dramatic change, for example, was NOT eating sugar. I’ve had to give it up to a 90% degree. Some weeks it probably is more like 99% but sugar hides in everything and so is hard to escape entirely. I don’t do cakes and cookies and stuff, anything empty white sugar, because if I do, I immediately hurt. I have cut it from my life. (Sometimes during the holiday season I will try and make a no-low sugar alternative dessert, but for the most part, that is just gone from my life.) And this is just one example of many changes I won’t bore you with.

My body takes two to three times longer to heal when I get sick. It just does. So there’s that. I am becoming a germaphobe.

So, back to today and my current five issues. I decided I was going to live one day at a time, living as though I would have to deal with these issues for the rest of my life. Would I get up and take care of them and get on with it? Or would I give up and give in??? It was an “in your face” moment for me. (Thanks, Universe.)

All I can say is that for today I left my cocoon, and I took flight, broken-wings and all. My flight path was altered a bit. I flew in crazy swirly curly lines and slapped into things once or twice, but I’m flying.

One day at a time.

Thanks for listening friends and fellow butterflies!! (Keep flapping those wings!)

 

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Fallacies about Life We’ve Learned from FRIENDS

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan. I can quote many episodes word for word, but the show FRIENDS did give us quite an unrealistic view of how our lives should be/might be/could be.

1)     Everyone you care about will always live within 10 minutes of you and will magically appear in a time of crisis.  Now, we know this isn’t true. People move, they have jobs that dictate their schedules, spouses, lives outside of you, so they will not magically appear and throw an arm around your neck when you need it.

2)     Your tribe will be the same six or eight people forever. You and I know that friendships in the real world come and go, and sometimes seem to change with the wind or the season. Chances are good that, though you may have a friend or two throughout your life, your tribe can change as your life changes.

3)     All of life’s problems can and should be settled in under 45 minutes. As with all sit-coms, we see major life issues arrive and be settled to a fair and equitable outcome for all, in under 45 minutes. Soooo not the case in real life, where our problems go on for days, weeks, even years.

4)     Never boot anyone out of your life. Okay, can we say BOUNDARIES? How many of you would put up with some of what these people put up with? Could I really be BFFs with Ross Geller forever? I’m thinking… no. And real-life Monica Gellers have few real long-term friends because of their OCD tendencies and chronic neatness. As an intense person myself, I can say that it can make it tough to maintain the kind of friendships she has, and it would be exhausting for her to have people coming and going in her space all of the time.  And Joey is a misogynistic perv more often than not, running through women like he (hopefully) changes his underwear.

5)     And what about Phoebe? Well, okay, I have nothing negative to say about a homeless gal who has no real visible means of support but manages to live very well in the end. She somehow manages to pull herself out of some tough spaces and maintains her sanity. (But honestly, how much does massage therapy pay??)

6)     And Rachel is our “normal” one. She must’ve been designed and created as the normal gal. Normal. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, no weight problems, perfect hair. Her biggest issues are, which hot dude do I want today and can I make it in the fashion industry? Poor Rachel. We should all be so normal.

7)     Chandler Bing! I must confess Chan-man is my favorite. He’s got that “boy next door cute goofiness” that is hard to resist. He’s smart, funny, and can make a girl laugh. What more could you want? He’s the one we always find ourselves rooting for. You want him to find true love and make good in life.

So, in summary, what can we learn from FRIENDS? That it is great entertainment. Period.

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Racism, White Privilege

I was on a thread earlier that was talking about white privilege. It got me fired up to blog about it today.

If this triggers you in any way, know that I invite discussion but only when done respectfully, without hate and anger. I moderate my page well.

So here are my thoughts.

The thread was discussing whether or not we should be teaching our children about white privilege. Yes and no. While I fully accept and understand that being white can and has opened doors for people in the past, if we teach white kids to feel generational guilt for something that is nothing to do with them: wrong.  If we teach them about all forms of racism in the past while encouraging NO racism in the future, maybe we can begin to truly bond and heal as a human race.

If we focus so much on white privilege that we encourage people of other races and nationalities to be prejudiced against us, isn’t that also bad? Two wrongs do not make a right. I think it is all about HOW it is taught. Prejudice and racism works in every direction: all wrong.

Yes, this bad stuff happened and happens, but here is what we should ALL be doing now and moving forward. Stop the madness. I refuse to feel guilt for something I have absolutely no control over. I can feel sad for some things that go on still to this day, but I will embrace positive ways to make change. Guilt isn’t positive. Only loving, positive, peaceful ways to move forward should be taught (along with history, of course.) Let’s have balance, wisdom and maturity on this issue, please.

 

 

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My semi-feminist feminist views: (AND 3 simple rules for men)

 

Having been raised very conservative, then being out in the world on my own and studying, looking at the world with my own eyes (and now being in my 50’s, meaning I’ve seen stuff, experienced stuff, etc.) the following are my own personal conclusions/views on feminism. (We all have very different lives and experiences, so feel free to disagree, but do so kindly, please.)

I love my parents but they were from a different time, a unique era. There are many values that they taught us kids that I still hold dear today. But the world, at least for me, 30 years ago, was a very different place. The internet has changed everything. One way it has changed us, is that we now have access to so much information that we never used to have. It was quite easy pre-internet to defend certain views and ways of thinking when I was cocooned in my tiny little world.

Back in the old days, it was very common for people to grow up sort of inheriting their parent’s belief systems and political views. I certainly followed that path for a very long time. Now I’ve seen more of the world, met more people, and have gotten a broader view of things, most certainly some of my thoughts, beliefs and opinions have changed some. Morphed.

So, about feminism. Growing up I was only shown the perspective that conservative Republicans were always right and liberal Democrats were always wrong. Period. We didn’t really stop and say “let me look at each issue from every side and determine how I feel” but it was more like, if you are THIS than you must believe THAT. This thinking still holds true in large part today. (BTW, I don’t play that way anymore. I think for myself.) Choosing a side and standing by it even when you’re wrong, is all that is wrong with the world today.

I’ve experienced first-hand a lot of abuse, verbal for the most part, but not always, by men and boys over the years. I’ve been set aside, pushed down, told to shut-up literally and figuratively by men, told that if I believe in God I must keep quiet, play the meek, mild mouse, my opinions don’t matter. I’ve been taken advantage of too many times to number by the male sex. I’ve been payed less, promoted less, and listened to less because I am a woman. This is my truth.

Having said all that, I like men, as a whole. I love my brothers and my dad (imperfect as they are sometimes) and we are all imperfect. I love my husband. I believe that men and woman are so intrinsically different and would never want anyone to treat me “like a man”. (Outside of equal pay, equal respect and dignity, etc.) I feel that women and men can often bring different talents and gifts to the table. If we were taught to respect one another and work together, we would be unstoppable.

I see something I like in the current generation—the ability for men and women to work together and be friends in a respectful and dignified relationship, outside of anything sexual or romantic. As I said, I’m in my 50’s and I can state categorically, I’ve really never seen this happen before in history. I’m loving it.

For the first time I have male friends that aren’t constantly being inappropriate with me in one way or another. (One of those ways is to distance themselves from me because obviously we can’t be trusted to be friends and not jump in the sack together.) For myself, I have a bit more self-control than that, thanks.

But I still have friends that are male that continue to speak and act in very disrespectful and misogynistic ways. But ya know what? They were raised that way, taught that way. That doesn’t excuse it, but I do have compassion for the modern male, trying to navigate this brave new world.

I’ll make a list for you guys, if you’re struggling and feel as though you are afraid to speak to women at all these days.

1)     If you wouldn’t want it said to your mother/wife/daughter/sister, don’t say it. (Unless or until you are in a mutually agreed upon romantic relationship, then the flirtiness may commence.)

2)     Take the time to get to know women. They are people, too, not walking vaginas. You may just find you actually like someone and that they know stuff and have things to say.

3)     Give woman (and all people, even of a different race, culture) their dignity and respect. Simple. Easy.

I think if you followed just these 3 easy rules, you’ll do great.

And if you’re wanting to know what my current political affiliation is, I don’t follow either party. I think for myself.

 

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Family Tree

The people who are always there

Always care

Even amidst disagreement

The ones who really see you

This is true family

 

Family does not always consist of shared DNA

Blood type

Skin color

Nationality

Belief systems

 

Sometimes it’s a connection with someone

Halfway across the world

Someone you met and clicked with

Someone you GET and who GETS you

 

So thankful for my family

The real and the cobbled together

Souls cut from the same yard of cloth

In the quilt of life

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Choose Peace

It’s funny to me that at every stage of my life I have felt as though

I was seeking the right things, doing the right things,

but then when looking back,

it seems so… different.

I suppose it’s due to knowing something now

I didn’t know then.

 

Life really does move like a river,

so that you are never in the same water again.

 

I wish I’d had this Big Love earlier.

I wish I’d had the wisdom of 50 years

at age 20

But doesn’t everyone?

 

I know now that for the world to change

It will take all of us

You and me

Deciding

Wanting it to with all of what we are

And we must sacrifice the god

Of our own opinions and belief systems

At the altar

Of peace.

 

Kindness, dignity, and respect have fallen away

And they are integral to our futures.

We must seek again to find common ground

To focus on what we have in common

Rather than how we are different.

 

Our world is in the midst of major transition

In this age of technology

And some will not change their lens

They will refuse to see the world

As a whole

As one

And for them, nothing will change

 

For those with open minds, open hearts

The world can be a peaceful united place.

 

We choose to live in light or darkness.

We choose strife or peace.

We choose to be critical or to look for commonality.

Every time we meet someone new, we choose.

 

Choose love. Choose peace.

 

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Social/philosophical commentary # 1332 (blog 6/28/2018)

 

If you don’t know me already, let me introduce myself. I’m a blogger, poet, philosopher, fiction author, and indie publisher (among many other things, of course) and this is what I do. I deconstruct the world and myself continually. My blogs/articles/rants are my account of some of that. Welcome aboard.

I’ve come out of a very fundamentalist background and have been on an amazing (if horribly painful and trying) spiritual, personal journey. Part of that has been reaching out and connecting with those I never connected with before. I now have friends who are atheists, agnostics, evangelicals, Buddhists, seekers of all kinds and many who feel disenfranchised from all of it, (religion). I’ve found that once we get out of the cocoon of our own little personal worlds and reach out to truly love and connect with other people, find common ground with them, it can be life-changing.

I believe it is a total misinterpretation of scripture to believe that—due to one’s spiritual or religious beliefs, we are to isolate ourselves from “them” and keep ourselves apart. (How can you go into all the world and stay utterly separate at the same time??) My love and compassion for all of mankind has ramped up, in fact, exploded. My mindset is so different now that I find a real disconnect with many of my old church friends. They don’t get it. That’s ok. I’m not here to judge, just sharing my journey. My hope is always to connect with some out there who may need to hear something I have to say or may relate to it in some way… the goal? Peace, unity and more love, understanding and compassion in the world. I often have people telling me to stop explaining myself, but I won’t because it is how I try to make connection with others. I won’t, however, apologize for it.

So, recently I have begun some discussions with people from all over the country and the world about many of these things (love, compassion, peace, how to get there) and it has been very eye-opening, because here’s the thing: when you dare to step out of your comfort zone and reach out to people, NOT with an agenda outside of love and compassion, you begin to realize some crucial, world-view altering things.

1)     Almost everyone everywhere wants to do what is right, please their God if they believe in one, find love, raise a family in a peaceful community and bring about peace on the planet. You absolutely would never think that if you stay in your cocoon and listen only to media coverage.

2)     People are AMAZING! There are some good/great hearts and souls out there, people who are trying to save/change the world. (Yes, there are the other kind, too, but mostly they are broken and hurting people who need help.) Not excusing evil or crime. I DO believe there is evil in this world, but we do not fight it by hiding ourselves away.

3)     People who may have different opinions/beliefs than mine are not necessarily evil. This is a pervasive thought in religious communities. If we continue to write people off as hopeless sinners, this world will never change. Maybe people feel hopeless because nobody ever reaches out to them with love and compassion.

I’ve even spent a good bit of time lately thinking about how the media and politics has done a wonderful job of dividing us all, one from the other. I think about what Jesus would do. What would Jesus say about building walls? Separating children from parents? Refusing to do business with those who do not share our beliefs? And not just that but reviling them and hating them. (If you have God’s love for someone, you WILL NOT behave in a non-loving way, it just doesn’t add up. Reality check.)

There’s been a pervasive and downright evil (in my opinion) leaning in the Christian community over the years that has gotten worse and worse…. If you are different, you are wrong and evil and I cannot talk to you or be around you. I cannot express how deeply this wounds my soul. I will not be a part of it anymore. (Look up Westboro Baptist if you need further insight.)

When I first began my journey, I had to throw out all I thought I knew and start over, just me and my Creator. And for a while I couldn’t believe in one of those either. The great thing about that (as painful as it is) is that I no longer accepted things at face value, I did not “do as I was told” or believe as I was told, I began the arduous process of wrestling it all out on my own. I know why more people don’t do it. It’s very painful and time-consuming. But if you make the time and take the time, I guarantee you will never be the same again (in a GOOD way!!!).

So, to sum up, please think about what you believe and why. If you believe in scripture, as you read each one, ask yourself the deep questions: Is this for today or historical/allegorical? Does this align with the heart of a loving compassionate God? Could this verse warrant further study to discern the original language and intent? Who was it written by and what could their agenda/culture have been about at that time? (I have studied scripture a lot. It became more and more confusing to me which made me dig deeper and deeper.)

Don’t have a hand-me-down belief system, or a system of belief which propagates hate or separatism. I beg of you, don’t. It might be better not to have a religion at all.

Ask the DEEP HARD questions and don’t settle for pat answers. The world needs love, hope, compassion, change. It needs you and me, but at our loving best.

Peace out!

 

 

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A Weighty Subject

My amazing DIL Whittney Chauta has inspired me to write about weight today.

I can remember being a kid and being told by my parents that I needed to lose 15 or 20 pounds. They offered to buy me clothes if I did. They were operating on what they knew. They didn’t know, and I didn’t know at that time that I had thyroid issues, but even with that aside, I feel like there has been so much emphasis put on just exactly how much we weigh.

My whole life I’ve internalized that message “I need to lose 15 pounds.” I had a boyfriend or two tell me that as a teen and that just reinforced this message in my brain. I’ve lived with that message reverberating around in my head for 50 years.

Society says you must be a certain weight and look a certain way in order to be accepted or loved. What utter BS.

My genes and so many other things have determined what I weigh. At this point in my life, I eat really healthy. I exercise. I deal with several health issues daily. I am finally at a place where I can re-focus. I focus on HEALTH, not what the scale says, which is why I threw my scale away years ago.

I want to break this cycle, in my family, but also help break it in society as a whole. People are not better, more beautiful, more acceptable if they’re thin. This is a holdover of being told we must be perfect little playthings for men.

My husband loves me just the way I am, and my weight has fluctuated a lot over the years for many and various reasons. He has always loved me for me. That’s the way it should be.

I find it demeaning as a woman to be told that I have to be thin and “perfect” in order to attract a mate (who himself is imperfect). No. I reject that. Not a trophy wife.

My husband is an amazing soul. So am I, for that matter.

When will we begin to look at the heart and soul instead of the size on the tag in our jeans?

For my kids: I love you all, I love your souls, I love everything about you. You are beauty and grace personified, each one. Not perfect, but perfectly YOU which is all you are required to be. I don’t give a sh*t what your jean size is.

Chase health. Chase love.

For Shaun Chauta Matt Chauta Nathalie Chauta & Megan Abbott

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Keepin’ it real

“You are so for real.” It is a thread that has run throughout my whole life, as far back as I can remember.
There are times I have talked about things on social media and I can almost literally feel people sneaking up behind me trying to slip a hand over my mouth. It makes people feel awkward or uncomfortable sometimes.
“Why are you sharing this with the world, Pam? Why?”
And my answer is always, This is who I am and I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t want to be any other way. For every person who tries to shush me, there are 10 or 50 or 100 people who message me and say, “Thank you for talking about this. Thank you for making me feel as though I’m not alone. Thank you for talking about something that nobody wants to talk about. I feel the same as you. I connect with you. These are my people. These people are the reason I keep doing it. Big picture.
If I talk about a bout of depression I have had, or an illness I have gone through, or just any every day thing that happens to me, and this offends you or makes you feel awkward, then, go. Step on. Be free. I am not for you.
I will keep on keeping it real, cuz I really don’t know how to NOT, nor do I want to change.
For those that connect with me, who get it, I give a huge fist-bump and a high-five. Keep on keepin’ it real my friends. I’m beginning to realize how rare that really is.
Peace Out! 🙂