Author: plswyers

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Women of a Particular Age

Reading and watching a lot of telly has me thinking of a recurring theme: women of a particular age deciding they won’t take everyone’s BS anymore and speaking their minds. Hmmm. Hits home and sounds way too familiar for me.

I think there is a large sector of women who came up being taught that we were to be silent, to acquiesce at every opportunity. Always go along with the other, especially if that other is a man. It’s a good thing I have a loving, kind, and open-minded husband, because I talk most things out with him and he listens and even if or when we disagree, he allows me to say what I think, to feel what I feel, and isn’t always trying to change it to what he thinks and feels. He doesn’t (at least usually) mansplaine. 

As we women have aged though, the ones in this certain group, we have gradually come into our own, found our deepest hearts and personalities, come to know ourselves, found knowledge, wisdom and we’ve located our voices. We can no longer tolerate being talked over, shushsed, discounted, summarily ignored. I was just watching a cop show where this woman, after forty years of bowing to her husband making every decision without even consulting her, stood up to him and told him that the man had never asked anyone else’s opinion ever, and was only ever happy when he got his own way. “Bravo!” I shouted in response, and gave her a hand-clap.

That wasn’t even a harsh statement, just a true one, and the man looked as though he’d been slapped. Rude awakening. A lot of men are in for a rude awakening, or maybe have already experienced their Woman of a Particular Age speak her mind. There’s an awakening that happens with age. I’ve seen it in real life as well as on telly. There may come, can come a time, wherein a woman feels she’s been lied to, pushed down, controlled and manipulated one too many times. Look out when she becomes aware of this. There’s nothing like a woman coming into her own, finding her power. A lot of people won’t like it. She won’t care, not a flip.

She is my sister, my kindred and I will continue to stand with her, in her corner and shout, “Bravo!” and give her a hand-clap. I am her and she is me.

Well done, sister. Find and use that voice, use it until everyone leaves and nobody, not a soul wants to listen anymore, and then speak into the wind and the sky. Eventually one or two will gather around, those who actually want to hear what you have to say. Keep those people. Keep them near and dear, for they love the REAL you.

Well done, sister. Well done.

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Health Tips and Taking Control

My take on a lot of health issues we struggle with: We have more control over our health than we’ve been led to believe.

In 2009 (while I thought I was fit and healthy, before the pain and symptoms started) I was told I’d have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and it would just get worse and worse and I’d never go into remission. (I’ve been in remission 3 or 4 times and I’m currently in a remission that has lasted, so far, close to 2 years.) I’ve done far better than 98% of others who have this condition. I can tell you why and how, but most people don’t really want to know. Because it’s hard work.

Over many years I have studied and changed my diet steadily and constantly. Many diseases of the body are caused by inflammation and this runs rampant in our bodies these days. So many things cause it, and what causes it in me may not be the same thing that causes it in you.

I started out by eating what most folks would consider a healthy diet (fruits and veggies, no sugar, etc) and went vegan for about 16 months, then ate vegetarian for a couple years.

My next progression was to also eat what is widely considered to be a “low-inflammation diet” and I began to factor all of those things in. I was still having inflammation problems. It really took a lot of trial and error, trying things out on my own body to see how it reacted and I’ve had environmental allergy testing (take shots now) and food allergy testing done which revealed many things I might be sensitive to and/or allergic to. This required more experimenting for me to really figure out what my body particularly doesn’t respond well to.

By this time, I’ve gotten my inflammation levels down SUPER low. There are 2 tests for inflammation with RA, one is the RA factor and I don’t remember what the other is called, but my last test said my RA factor was negative and the other was at a low 2 or so. (My numbers were so high as to be off the charts when I had my “event” that started my RA, so much so, that it took a few doctors and lots of time and pain before they actually diagnosed me.) Something had happened that had my body’s inflammation levels reach critical mass.

It’s now 2020 and I finally feel like I have control over the inflammation and have for a year or so, pretty steadily. (I no longer eat strictly vegetarian but I’m actually considering going back to it as I’ve recently begun to get a lot of heartburn when I eat meat.)

I’ve learned all about my body and I’ve learned to listen to it when it’s trying to tell me something.

So, all of that to say, I can tell you how to cut inflammation out of your body, but it is not easy and requires study, will-power, and lots of lifestyle and dietary changes. 

I now take ZERO meds for RA and haven’t for some time.

There’s a life lesson here. WE have way more control over what happens in our bodies than what we know or are willing to face. Just how bad do you want to be healthy? That is the only real question. I also exercise and move regularly which is almost as important as my diet.

I have proven doctors wrong a few times in my life, and I’ve done it by taking charge of my health and being responsible about it and listening to MY body. (Doctors are by and large trained to lump everyone together and treat them all much the same.) You CAN be healthier than you may be right now, today. Do you want to be? That is the only real question.

I’m a stubborn person, if you know me at all, you know that. I always search things out for myself and have learned the hard way not to just take, well, anything anyone tells me as fact. I do the work, then make changes for what works for ME. 

Yes, I do have a vice or two. For example, I was told to give up coffee (which is my THING.) So I gave it up for about 9 weeks while I studied coffee and why it can be so toxic. Much of its harshness can be traced to it being a highly polluted food item. Many chemicals make their way to most coffee plants. I researched and found an organic shade-grown low acid blend, and I have now found that I can tolerate a little coffee (if it’s the good stuff primarily) and I cannot do 3 or 4 cups a day like I used to. But I found a way to have it more safely for me. Cuz I’m stubborn like that.

I found 2 “sweets” I will eat occasionally. One is a frozen and sliced banana dipped in dark chocolate and the other is Dove or Ghiardelli or any GOOD brand of dark chocolate (and I will buy organic and non-GMO when I can). I will have a bite-sized piece of dark chocolate if I really need a sweet. Or a frozen banana. I always find a way. But once you’re off of sugar addiction, you will find you don’t crave it, and eventually, can barely tolerate it.

I’ve experimented with alcoholic beverages and did some research and talking with  our local expert and found that wines from Italy and France have a different less-toxic process (non-gmo and more natural fermentation, etc) and I can have a glass of white wine occasionally without it bothering me too much. I cannot have it much or often, but I can. There are certain liquors I could more easily get away with as well, due to them being NOT from America and therefore not being nearly as toxic. (Other countries have much stricter guidelines than we do on what toxins they give their people.) That’s another rant for another time. MOST of my problems with certain foods can be traced back to pesticides and GMOs.

So I have figured out what I will and will not allow into my body, how often I can get away with certain things, etc.

Has it been worth it? Abso-friggin-lutely. I finally had it all coming together.

And then Covid-19. Ah hells bells. Yet one more battle for me to fight.

All of this to say, YOU CAN take control of your health, question doctors, do your own research, and not necessarily take a diagnosis (or prognosis) at face value. Nobody, I mean NOBODY is gonna fight for you and your health like you can. Only you know YOU as well as you. Be pro-active. Take control. Be well.

And PEACE OUT!

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Life is Good, Bad and Ugly.

Blog for today. Hello lovelies. How are we today? Yesterday and today I’ve made lists and I’m going through an item at a time and getting some things done. I have not been productive every single day of the lockdown (nor was I productive every single day before the lockdown). But this week, for right now, today, I seem to need to stay active. It helps.

Getting some sun seems to help me, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. It’s close to 11 and I still have 8 or 9 items left to go. I’m actually happy about that.

When it comes to writing, I seem to be in a real poetry mode. I had started a fiction book a month or two ago, but haven’t touched it since the first week of working on it. Maybe I’ll schedule a day to work on it next week. In the past, once I start a book, I don’t work on anything else until it’s done. These last four or five years, maybe because I’ve been focusing a ton on my mental and physical health, the idea of shorter/smaller projects has greatly appealed. I can finish quickly and get that feeling of accomplishment faster (like checking things off a list).

Then there’s art. I started painting (acrylic on canvas) a couple years back and I find a lot of satisfaction in it. It’s therapeutic and really energizes the creative mind for me. Then I began to take art journaling classes and that has been life-alteringly beneficial for me. I can do longer, more in depth projects, or even just draw or use color pencils, or whatever, and it keeps my hands active as well as my mind. I can do layer after layer, collage or mixed media, or whatever strikes me.

Finding out how to draw faces is something that has been huge for me over this past year or so. I have studied a lot of tutorials, noted what my art journaling teacher does as well as many other artists, then began to practice for hours and hours, trying to find my own unique style. I think I’m beginning to, and it has been such fun. I don’t know how many sketchbooks and journals I’ve filled with faces, but it’s a ton. I try to at least draw and doodle every day. I tackle the larger projects as I feel up to it. Art has–I know this to be true–saved me in so many ways.

This lockdown and virus mess is hard, it has been and it will be, and nobody really knows for how long. I’ve been through hard things before. I didn’t want to go through something like this, nobody does, but I’ll just keep plugging through the best I can. And that’s life, isn’t it? Facing the mundane, the beautiful, and the horrible and living through it all.

Keep plugging away, dear friends.

As always, Peace Out

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May the 4th be with you & checking things off your list

Daily blog from lockdown-May the 4th be with you! I actually made a list of things I want to accomplish today, and hoping to get at least most of them done. (Sometimes I write down things like “have morning coffee” just so I can check it off because checking things off the list is ever-so satisfying, isn’t it?)

Mother’s Day is approaching and I wish I could hug my Mom in person (and that my kids could hug me) but, ya know. Life.

Yesterday was a pretty good day as I found our pollen count finally amenable to me spending some time outside, so I took a long walk with hubs in the morning, then we went in the pool and played volleyball with each other in the afternoon, and I was able to lay out in the sun for a bit. It felt so good, so healing. I’ve been feeling a bit like someone living on a space station… having everything I need but still very confined to a finite space. Not being able to be outdoors has made a bad situation worse, so for however long I am able to get out, I will. Yay low pollen counts!

One of my plans involves putting on a wee bit of make-up, (just enough to look alive) and fixing my hair up a bit. Though I am sporting the “on fleek” style of 2020 (meaning hair that’s overgrown and wild and dark roots showing.)

I haven’t taken acrylic paints to a canvas in a while and I’m itching to do a bit of that this week sometime.

And nail maintenance… I’m doing my own nails these days and my toes have been particularly ignored for some time and need sprucing. (Big, important stuff here.)

Like a lot of folks, I haven’t been doing ALLL the grooming things every single day and have greatly enjoyed life in stretchy pants, but sometimes it does me some mental and emotional good to do something to take care of myself a bit.

I’ve noticed since the lockdown, my dreams are changing. Sometimes I’ll dream things that seem to be easy to interpret, that make a lot of sense and sometimes they remain elusive or dark or just plain strange. 

I did some research into dreams a few years back when writing the book “The Dream Dweller.” I found out about something called Lucid Dreaming. It’s a fascinating thing and one I practiced for a while. It’s where a person realizes while dreaming, that they are dreaming, and then is able to take control over the direction of the dream. Studying up on dreams was very helpful for me, especially if one has dreams that are particularly disturbing. You begin to realize that it’s just your brain’s way of sorting things out, and it often presents things in odd ways.

If you get bored during lockdown, maybe do some research on something you’re interested in, be it dreams or something else. It’s very cool that we have so much information at our fingertips and can find out about just about any subject online and/or get book suggestions for learning more. I’ve always loved TV but after a while I HAVE to do something else.

Whatever you guys get up to today, I hope you’re feeling physically well and that you’re taking care of your emotions and mental state, too. Focusing in on learning something new can be a great distraction. Have fun checking off your list! (It’s so satisfying!!!)

Peace Out

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Thoughts on raising kids and letting them go

Daily blog from lockdown. How long have I been doing these every day? A week? I’ve lost count. It’s been so helpful for me, given me a sense of purpose, even if that purpose is only processing my own thoughts and emotions.

I wrote a poem once about how your kids grow up and leave and have their own lives and how that is absolutely the way it’s supposed to be. Now that we are all having to isolate, these thoughts pop in again. I know, I see, how difficult some parents of young children are finding it, being with their kids 24/7. I know it wears their patience paper thin. I also know that child abuse of every kind is on the rise right now, and thinking those kinds of thoughts will break me if I linger too long.

The thing that helps me feel better when I cannot be around my children or grands, is knowing what good people they are. My kids (like myself, like all of us) are not perfect, but I can say that I am so proud of each of them. They each have their own issues to deal with and conquer, but they seem to be managing to do so with dignity and love for themselves and others. I surely hope so. I also know that as the mother of adult children, there is much I don’t know and don’t see.

But that’s the point I guess. We do the absolute best we’re capable of doing to raise children, and then hope they’re able to make it out in the world for themselves. We have to hope that they grow up to NOT need us quite as much as they did as children. Or perhaps the need morphs into something different.

When my kids were teens, I found myself changing into a person who no longer wanted to jump on them every second about every little thing, but someone who could be more understanding, be more of a friend. I’d seen so many teenagers begin to despise their parents and run in the other direction and I think I bent over backwards to see to it that this didn’t happen. (I left home at seventeen during my senior year in high school and lived with friends, then in an apartment with 5 or 6 other people.) It was a tough time and the closest I guess I ever came to being homeless. 

My parents had rules I found to be archaic and overly strict and it brought out the rebel in me and I couldn’t take being there another moment. I thought I was so grown up inside, that I could handle myself. I believed it with all of my being. So I left.

At home I could’ve had food in my belly steadily and a roof and a bed always, but because we were so different in our worldviews, because of a lot of stuff, every fiber of my being needed OUT. So I got out.

My senior year I only had classes from 8 a.m. until 11 so I basically showed up most of the time and slid through my senior year with almost zero effort. (In my high school days I didn’t give 2 shits about education, didn’t try at all, didn’t feel challenged, and felt sure I would never go to college, so I slid through, still managing to make average or better grades.)

 I don’t know how, but I did. I think I felt such a lack of challenge or interest by that time that boredom alone would’ve driven me out. But I promised my mother I would show up to class and get my HS diploma, and I did.

Having left home and family at such a young age, I think it fed my fear that I would lose my own children when they became teenagers. I judged them by my own experiences. We can do that, can’t we?

My kids (as kids do) eventually made their way out of the nest. And the thing is, trusting them, trusting in the adults that they have become, brings me great comfort. I know this is something that everyone doesn’t have the luxury of feeling/doing, I recognize that, and I’m grateful for it.

My birdies have flown the nest and normally I would get to see them occasionally but with the lockdown, well, it’s been harder. We don’t live all bunched up together like we once did. I am so grateful that, if we had to have a lockdown, we have the technology to video call or Skype or whatever. I’m so glad it’s not still the age of corded phones and huge long-distance bills and no video. Small blessings.

So, though I wish for the live hugging and visits that last for days, I can say that I love them, they love me. They’re good. I believe them to be good. To be okay. Yes, they’re struggling in some ways as we all are right now, but I feel like deep down, it’s okay, it will be okay for them. And I will take peace and comfort where I can find it today.

Here’s hoping you and yours are well and truly OKAY today–

Peace Out

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On Being a Renaissance Woman aka Deep Space Mine

I’m rather a Renaissance woman. I’ve done a lot of different jobs over my lifetime. I’ll name a few here.

Retail cashier, fast food, waitress, (food and cocktail), imprinted trophies, answered phones, worked in communications at a fancy resort/hotel, switchboard operator, administrative assistant, executive assistant, file clerk, hotel front desk clerk, file storage organizer (data management), assistant manager and manager of coffee shop, researched buying my own coffee shop, writer of fiction novels and poetry, volunteer at a food pantry, volunteer at a church, on staff at a church administratively, assistant director of a swim/tennis facility (owned by the church I worked for), owner and partner in an independent publishing company, editor, proof-reader, mentor, teacher at a private school. And of course being a mother to three children. (Writing has been in my life forever.)

*Breathes deep and tries to remember if there are more.

In the last couple of years I’ve gotten heavily into painting and drawing, art journaling, etc.

Having done so many kinds of work, I’ve come across a lot of things I like or love doing and a lot of things I really do not.

I’m most definitely a creative person, and highly organized. Bringing order to chaos has always felt like a deep underlying theme for me. I like to do that on the small scale (organizing drawers and closets and files) and on a large scale, (trying to bring about peace in the world at large and the world around me.) I’m a peacemaker. I’m pretty good at sitting down between two warring parties and helping them settle their differences. It all flows along the same lines.

I love decorating homes/rooms. I have a great sense of rhythm, I love music with a passion,  and I have a great sense of color.

It’s kind of helpful writing these things out.

I’ve had people say to me that they aren’t good at anything, or they aren’t good at anything creative. I never believe them. I think anyone can be good at most anything if they really try and sometimes people simply have not yet figured out what they’re good at. Some go to their graves never figuring it out. I daresay a lot of people did a hundred years ago.

These days more people have more of an ability to have hobbies or have the time to do creative things or things that simply make them happy, or at least some do. The Industrial Age brought about machinery and equipment that made human’s daily chores so much easier. And now, computers and technology are daily changing the way we work, live and play. There are still farmers and people who do hard physical labor from dawn to dusk, but nine-to-five has become a bit more the norm.

I encourage you, if you haven’t yet, to spend some time figuring out what you dearly love doing and what you despise, and finding at least one creative thing to do, either through work or as a hobby. Creativity really does work from an entirely different part of the brain, and we don’t want to go through life using the bare minimum of our brains. (Studies suggest all of mankind uses a tiny fraction of our brain’s capabilities, even the smartest among us.) I will continue to stretch the areas of my brain that I use, and make more wrinkles up there, stimulate more little grey cells.

I have to believe it is part of the reason we’re here, to keep learning and growing. Our hearts ought to be continually stretched as well.

To begin to discover your deepest talents and the things you might love putting your hands to, make a list similar to the one I did above. Write out all the jobs you have had, whether it’s one or many. Take note of what things you enjoy and which things simply add stress. If you’ve only ever had one job, make a list of pros and cons, what you love or loved about it and what you did not enjoy. This can be a helpful exercise in discovering a direction.

I think at times like these (when we are faced with our own mortality) it can be a time of awakening in many areas. Some will decide they aren’t happy with their lives and begin to make changes. We do, after all, only have One Life to LIve as the soap opera said.

If you need any help discovering things about yourself, as I said, I’m highly organized and may be able to help. Leave your email address with me and I’ll get in contact.

A Renaissance Woman (or man) will always have a broader view of life, we’ve lived in a lot of different environments and experienced a lot of perspectives. We’ve been through some shit and learned a lot from it. We tend to be more open-minded and ready for growth and change.

I’ve used the term “old-soul” before in discussions with some people I’ve met. Some seem to have an older, wiser soul than their mere years can account for.

Be open to change. The hard kind, like this virus and the lockdown will always suck, but being open to positive change is a very, very good thing. And at times in history, a time of crisis will precede a time of positive growth and change.

Coming at you from my deep space in isolation–

Have a mind-stretching day my friends.

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April 30 blog on Covid 19 and life in general

Good morning, world. I’m doing a lot of blogging these days, I guess because of feeling so very isolated. It helps, somehow. Even if nobody reads it, it helps to get things down and out of the head and heart.

Some days I’m a confident queen, sure of myself and all that I am and where I’m going and some days I find myself with more doubt and fear. I suppose that’s normal and happens to everyone. Sometimes I think it’s my own perfectionistic ways that make me feel like I have to be on top every single day, flying high. I know this isn’t true. Some days I need to allow myself to hide under the covers and rest and heal and not worry about much.

My illness seems to have cleared, only the mildest of coughs left. I have to say that the feeling of an elephant on my chest was the worst I ever remember experiencing and I’ve had lung mess off and on throughout my life. I’m so pleased it’s gone away. Now it’s all about watching what happens with the world at large with the virus. Our governor was on TV last night discussing Phase One of trying to get back to normal. He is being more conservative than in Georgia and other states, so right now is a time to wait and watch for me. At this point in the pandemic, I am finding it in myself to have grace with people doing whatever they need to do. If they feel like a healthy person that is not at high risk and feel the need to go to the salon or the beach or go eat outside at a beach restaurant, I’m gonna keep my mouth closed and my eyes open. At some point, we will all have to step back out, so to each their own.

I do consider myself high risk and have already been sick but don’t know for sure if our bodies will properly build any immunity on their own. For this reason I choose to be more cautious than others might.

For the first time, yesterday and today, I feel like we can see the light at the end of this. That tomorrow will come and life will get back to normal and that maybe it will not take a year or more. It feels like a huge sigh throughout my entire body. And still I am in wait-n-see mode over the next couple weeks and months. I still need to protect myself from “high drama” so that will continue. Anyone making me crazy will be unfollowed.

Today is not so “go, go, go! Conquer the world!” with my mental state but more a self-care day where I look out for the mental and emotional wellbeing of myself and my hubs. And this is fine with me. I’m going to try to get in some exercise and some sun today as our pollen count is supposed to be low for the first time in a long while.

If you’re reading this, I hope you have an amazing day full of light and grace and love and wellbeing. Take care of yourselves. 

Peace Out

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What over 30 years of marriage has taught me about love, marriage, and relationships. (Tips for all!)

I married at a very young age, (I’d just turned 18) and I really wanted to get out on my own. That marriage lasted seven years and we had 2 children together. It was tumultuous, pretty much the whole time. After he and I split up and I met and married my main man now (we’ve been married over 30 years), we have a totally different kind of relationship. (We had our daughter together, 3 kids total.) Without getting into too many personal details of the first marriage, I want to share some things I learned TO DO and some things I learned NOT to do.

I’ve found that it is uber important to be friends with your mate. I was at first in the first marriage, but, due to (primarily) myself being so young and both of us growing and changing, it changed the dynamic of that friendship, which was at the core of the relationship as a whole. Once we no longer shared core values, shared interests, or even thought at all alike, things began to break down.

I firmly believe now (and I didn’t when I was a young thing) that finding chemical, physical reaction and attraction with someone is as easy as going shopping for a pair of jeans. I now know that sexual attraction and love are two very, VERY different animals.

When we’re young we have a very idealized, almost fairy tale notion, (maybe more so females, but not always), of what love is, what it looks like, how to get it. Disney has done us no favors here.

We think that at a certain age or time of life, BOOM we’ll just meet “the one” and that will be it, and happily ever after. Anyone over the age of fifty probably has figured out that this is not true in the real world.

One thing I find so toxic in a church environment is the idea that, if you are married and in the church, you are expected to have a somewhat perfect marriage, and if you don’t, and you seek counsel, you will be told to pray more and many scriptures will be bandied around, most of which offer zero real PRACTICAL help. By far, most pastors and church leaders have zero psychological training whatsoever and don’t understand human behavior in the least, let alone how to tell someone to save their marriage. My first husband and I once got pastoral advice that was so bad and so wrong and I wish I could tell you here what it was, but I can’t share it here. It had to do with our physical relationship and not anything at all of any substance. I left there so disillusioned and disappointed.

Often the church “way” is to tell the wife she needs to be more quiet and submissive, too, and I don’t probably have to tell you what I think of that advice.

So whether you would seek counsel and where you seek it from is HUGE.

I’ve learned a ton about marriage and love sharing about it, especially because I know what I know from personal observation, the reading of many books, but most importantly, from personal experience.

I do not believe a relationship where the two involved are not the best of friends (in an environment of love, communication, and mutual respect) will ever work. Period.

At some point the chemistry thing starts to take a back seat to the responsibilities and stresses of day to day life. It isn’t necessarily that the spark is forever gone, but it can certainly feel that way. Once that happens, what do you have left? What’s underneath? That is the 18 million-dollar question.

If you cannot sit down with your partner and discuss openly what’s on your mind, give it up. It’s already over. Communication is the biggest thing (next to friendship and respect) that will keep your relationship alive. Read that paragraph again. Make a poster and hang it somewhere. It is a profound truth.

Once you cross a line of disrespectful behavior (and I mean name-calling, abusive behavior and sometimes even physically or sexually abusive behaviour), it’s over, or at least it should be. Walk out. Get out now.

Unfortunately, many people have come up in homes where this behaviour is considered acceptable and normal. Don’t believe it. You CAN have a good, quality relationship where respect is both earned and demanded. Where it is mutual, where boundaries are observed.

I’m not talking about a surface-y “Ozzie & Harriett” marriage (look it up, young people), that just looks good on the outside where everyone smiles and speaks softly and has dinner at the table together every night, that’s actually quite rare, especially these days. Where nobody ever raises their voice and the children are perfectly behaved little angels and mom and dad don’t drink or cuss or ever do anything wrong. That certainly is nowhere near what most families experience.

I think that knowing and loving yourself well before entering into any marriage or seriously committed relationship is so key. KNOW that you are worthy of respect and dignity. ALWAYS.

Know that you do not have to be treated like crap and you can do life alone and find yourself and be strong if that’s what it takes to be safe and healthy and mentally, emotionally, and physically well. YOU DESERVE A QUALITY person. Know it and believe it. Don’t lower your standards to someone who only looks good or only wants you when it’s convenient for them. Look for the “deep” and the real in anyone you hang out with. 

I’m reading a great book called Women Who Run With the Wolves, and in it they discuss how young, naive women can sometimes cover up or ignore that inner voice that would normally scream, “Predatory male! Alert! Get away!” and they ignore that voice and justify it away because of their fairy-tale ideas of love and relationship. They want someone so badly that they totally ignore all of the warning signs. (Come on, we’ve all seen this, right? Some of us have LIVED this.)

That’s a really great argument for NOT getting married young, chasing your dreams for a few years first and truly figuring out who you are and what you want out of a mate. Learning NOT to stifle that voice of “sense” I believe most of us have or would have or did have, if we did not shove it away.

So, friendship, giving and demanding respect, and communication. That does NOT mean that you won’t each at times lose your temper or get upset or cry or whatever, but early on in every relationship there should be boundaries set, rules of play, if you will. Lines that do not get crossed. Respect is such a thing for me that I would live in a box under a bridge before I’d live with someone who continually and purposefully disrespected me, be it name-calling, or abuse of any kind. I’m better than that. I don’t deserve that. You’re better than that, too. You deserve the best.

Learn to know yourself well enough to communicate and if your partner does not communicate, he or she will have to learn to, or you may as well go home, thank you for playing. Some things you just cannot do without in a loving, lasting relationship. It doesn’t work, and the stats are out there to back me up on this.

I believe nearly every relationship COULD be saved, IF both parties wanted it saved and both were equally willing to put in the work. If they’re not, it won’t be saved. Period. The only alternative is staying in a highly dysfunctional relationship for years or your whole life and being miserable, settling for less than what you want,need, and deserve.

(I did meet the right and best person for me, and you will, too.) Remember that if all you’re looking for is sex, that’s easy-peasy. Attraction is a dime a dozen. If you want real relationship, look for the signs that it may be possible with someone. Do not settle. If it’s broken, fix it. And to be alone is better than to be with the wrong person.

I hope some or any of this is helpful to someone or maybe there is someone you know that could use some of this good stuff. Pass it on. 

*The book I mentioned is by Clarissa Penkola Estes, PhD  

Feel free to email me if you ever want more tips on what makes a marriage great (or any committed relationship). I’d be glad to try to help.

Pammy

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4 29 20 Brain-dump blog on Boundaries, Friendship, and Sugar

Hello world (if there’s anybody out there listening.) Pammy again. As usual, lots on my mind and heart.

Today I feel about 90 percent recovered from whatever virus my body just fought, be it Covid-19 or whatever. That’s good. I have had some stress-related stuff happening (like heartburn, indigestion, etc) and my oh-so-helpful hubby said, “whatever could be happening these days that could be stressing you out?” Lol! He hit the nail on the head. (Sarcasm, it is rampant in our family.)

Just wanted to jot down some thoughts and opinions, as usual. Brain dump, word vomit.

I am in a not-so-peopley mood today. I don’t have the desire or the mental or emotional energy to dive in and engage with people, and though others have “advised” me to take it easy and protect my empathic self (& I’m speaking of the others that I would even begin to listen to-those who care about me) I never listen. That’s my jam. I have to learn every single thing on my own, and come to any knowledge on my own. I think that comes from a combination of being fiercely, stubbornly independent and having a past where I listened to other people only to have them lead me down their own path and not my own. So I am stubborn. I am 56 years old and a grown-ass woman and I listen to my wisdom, my knowledge, my spirit and intuition and my body, above all else. (And, if you’ll permit me to say, the Universe… in a sense.) I believe some of gut and intuition is defined as “God” or “Spirit” or “conscience.”

My body has confirmed what some loved ones have said. I kinda hate when that happens.

So I’m taking it easy this whole week, continuing to recover. I did something today I rarely do… I baked. I don’t bake. Baked goods in my home are like throwing crack in front of an ex-addict. Not that I was ever obese but like most people, I used to love baked sugary things with a passion. Due to years of trying to get my health in order and protect my body/temple from nasty bad stuff, I learned not to bake, not to eat sugar, (or very rarely) and to never ever bake or bring baked goods into my home. (On occasion they appear at parties, etc.), but after years of training myself, I mostly resist and have for some time.

I use Stevia to sweeten everything or it combined with a bit of coconut sugar or unbleached sugar (if I’m really riding the edge, but rarely). I have called sugar “the white devil” for many years, and I do believe it kills us, either slowly or quickly. It feeds obesity, high blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes and cancers.

Most people can tolerate some in moderation but I’ve never been quite normal. I have odd sensitivity and allergic reactions to all sorts of things so my diet has evolved into something most would find to be kind of extreme. I DO get a little in the form of carbs from my protein bars, in oatmeal or yogurt or a small amount in a spaghetti sauce or something of that nature. But empty white sugar is something hubs and I both avoid for our health.

All of that to explain how it is so odd and rare for me to bake. Last Christmas I made my own oatmeal-based cookie recipe, and I made some scones several months ago with high quality organic ingredients, almond and rice flour, etc., and froze them so I could take out and eat one every couple months or so. I loooove baked goods, they are a true comfort food for me, so in order to make life worth living, once in a rare blue moon, I will make something with high-quality ingredients. Today I used a Simple Mills baking blend and made a banana loaf. It was so soothing to my soul.

(Incoming whiplash from sudden subject change–)I’ve been thinking about how difficult relationships are these days. And how most people truly are followers. Not trying to say that in a “bashy” way, but just an observation. I think most people are usually so busy with the day in and day out responsibilities of life that they don’t take the time to think, mull, meditate, learn, grow. They don’t have or make the time. So in modern society it becomes so easy to quickly grasp your faith or belief systems off of a shelf like at a grocery store. “I’ll take that one. That sounds good and right.” They take it home and put it in its place and they rock it for the rest of forever. Same with worldviews and political affiliations. They never ever stop to ask the deeper questions or try to see another point of view. They’ve been taught that this is wrong or somehow unfaithful.

So not where I am.

Choosing to blaze a trail is a lonely proposition. Getting to a place where you know that you know that you can no longer follow the mainstream or go with the flow in good conscience, knowing that you must stand for your own thoughts, follow the beat of your own drum… it’s a solitary thing. And the trail you blaze may never ever be followed by another. And on top of that thought, is, the thought that it’s okay and everyone should have their very own.

But it is very lonely. Friendship is hard. Relationship is hard. Even in the middle of a community of like-minded people, such as a country club, organization, or church. Friendship is always hard. But when you don’t feel that you have any sense of a “tribe” or community, it can be, well, rough.

I’ve been going through trying to keep a very few old friendships alive and I am finding that one of the hardest things ever since I have totally changed myself and my worldview. People think I’m nuts or just plain disagree, and then they want to argue about it. I love to sit, one on one, and talk with anyone about anything, in a calm, respectful environment, but social media is not at all conducive to such things.

The small handful of girlfriends that I felt, at a time in the past, I connected deeply with, now feel they can’t relate to me in one way or another. As I said, friendship is hard and going your own way is hard.

Lately I have unfollowed some people and on rare occasions, blocked some, on social media, and that is absolutely about my mental health. I don’t hate. But feeling my ulcers return or my blood pressure rise or that vein in my head begin to throb… that’s something I’m going to shut down because I take care of me. Sometimes ya gotta let people go. It breaks my heart but we each must be allowed to be who we are and we deserve to be loved as we are.

Those precious few from my past, they know who they are (and may or may never read this blog) but if you choose to “hang” with me, know that I need you to accept me where I am, and there are certain things I will need you to avoid talking about because it is just too upsetting to me. Those that would choose to have me go backwards to the person I was must stay away. I am not, and I will not. Indeed, I cannot. 

So I have been looking for a new “tribe” of friends. (I put “tribe” in quotation marks because I had a whole discussion once with someone from another country and what the word means here in America as opposed to someone on the other side of the world.) I mean Group of Friends.

I am finding neighbors here in Florida that I dearly love but I always make it very clear from the get-go, who I am and what I believe. I am becoming close with one or two. My social media pages have always been a window to the world for me, and I have begun in the last couple years, to finally lose followers who vehemently disagree with who I am now and I’m finding those I better connect with all over the world. I love artists and writers, but it’s certainly not a requirement. I love deep, real people. Those who strive for vulnerability and honesty laced with love and compassion. I’m beginning to find some.

What a process it has been, and will be. If you stick around, I am so grateful, but I can no longer base my life on the approval of others. If we connect we do, if we don’t we don’t, go in peace.

But I will not surround myself with constant strife. This will not happen. Cuz, (what am I always banging on about?) Boundaries!!

Peace Out, world.

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The Concept of Absolute Truth (a philosophical post)

This is my swirly thoughts about the concept of absolute truth. (I’ve not taken classes on this, it is based on my own thoughts, reading, observations over a lifetime, and, let’s face it, any philosophy is based on the individual’s experiences.)

A hundred years ago, think about what the world was like. Or two thousand years ago, or 500.

A person grows up in a family, in a community, in a particular area of the world, and that family and community teaches you throughout your life, a set of “truths” that are widely held (in your area, in your time in history, in your community or family) as absolute. Black and white. This is this and that is that. It’s just the way it is.

Consider someone who has grown up in a totally different area of the world than you, in a different point in history, a different family, a different environment entirely. They also were taught “This is truth” or “that is truth”. 

Do you think for a minute that these two groups of thoughts and beliefs are the same? Absolutely they will not be. You will find things that other “groups” believe in that are the same, ideas such as, family is important, this is how we seek God, this is how we treat people. Then there will be big differences. One person’s truth, that grew up in India in 1965 let’s say, is going to be very different than the person who grew up in 100 BC or 1978 or 2009. Because their environments, their families and traditions, all that their cultures held dear, has formed each one’s view of “truth.”

For me, I can only believe that “Absolute Truth” only encompasses the largest of broad things such as “the earth is round.” Realizing that for a long time, people everywhere believed it to be absolute truth that the earth is flat.

Most everyone NOW accepts that indeed, the earth is round. Most people agree that UP is UP and DOWN is DOWN. Gravity is real. Certain things we pretty much all agree on.

But the thirty-year old African American woman who grew up a world away from you and I, or the European child, coming into her teens, having been brought up in a totally different community, family, and environment, one must accept that the things they have been taught and likely will be taught to be absolute truth, will be different. Because what we believe is intricately and inescapably drawn from a combination of our backgrounds, where we were born, where and how we were raised, what we were taught to believe as a child and what we have learned for ourselves, out of our experiences and “learning” to be true for us.

So, we can conclude that the young men who were alive in 100 or 50 BC are going to have a completely and totally different view of many things than the woman in a remote tribe somewhere in the year 2000, or different than what you or I believe.

Today, in 2020, there are people all over the world and even my own city, that will argue with you until they turn blue and die about what truth is.

Truth has always only ever been, and only ever will be, a perspective arrived at based on where you grew up, when you grew up, what you were taught to believe, and your own experiences.

Outside of those things we (maybe to a huge degree) can agree certain things are true, such as oxygen is needed to live. The sky is blue. Obvious things, I would call them.

So when people talk about absolute truth, I shake my head and laugh. It’s a funny and interesting term to me. It’s an absolute truth that if we are born here on earth, at some point, we will die. That’s one of a very short list of things I believe to be “absolute truth”.

Your truth and mine absolutely are not the same, and when large groups of people try to take on each other’s truth, well, they must decide for themselves, is this something I genuinely know to be true? Do I agree with everything these people say and do, and if so, why, if I have not experienced these things and do not know them to be true? Do they make sense? Do they serve my or mankind’s best and highest good? Good questions, all.

I cringe when I mention “My truth” or “speaking your truth” and people laugh and scoff. They just don’t get it. Each one of us has our own list of “truths” that we hold dear, for whatever reason. And because we disagree on what those truths or belief systems are…

War. Murder. Fighting. Cults. Anger. Hatred.

We humans have a bad way of INSISTING that everyone else latches on to our own truth and accepts it as their own. INSISTS. And their heads explode when others do not. I am guilty of this myself.

If I have a truth that I hold dear, something that I know that I know that I know, because of my experiences or things I’ve learned, and even something that has been super hard-fought-for, and someone comes along and scoffs at it, it is angering to me. It is to everyone and anyone, I think.

And I guess the only reason I am writing about this is to 1) get my thoughts down about it and/or 2) to see if anyone else thinks about these kinds of super-deep things. If anyone even bothers with deep thought anymore.

I daresay, most people go through life adopting and adapting to the belief systems that are presented to them. Based on all of the things I’ve talked about here. It’s just what we do.

I want to encourage every single person to begin to think more broadly and openly on these things. To realize that your perspective (or mine) are not the only perspectives that are real.

To accept that other people have different experiences and that it is okay. Your truth and mine can be different, it’s okay. It’s really, really, okay. No need to go to war.

This is one thing I mean when I said in an earlier post that I feel as though I once saw life through a peephole (my limited perspective) and now I see it through a globe-sized hole. I still don’t fully see everything Big Picture, but I desire to do so.

If you grew up in a particular culture and those “truths” are dear to you, or adopted that culture, then I would just say, never forget to try and see things broadly, realize that we are very different and we do not have to be the same or think the same as people who are in or come from other backgrounds and experiences. WE DO NOT have to adapt and adopt other people’s truths. Keep your mind switched on and research and read and figure out for yourself what your truth is, and go ahead and hold it dear. But please stop insisting that everyone believe the same thing, it’s never going to happen and it’s always going to cause divisiveness. 

I guess that is my point and my conclusion. Think. Have compassion. Don’t adopt other’s views blindly. Do the deep work of digging out your own truth, then speak it freely and often. People won’t get it. Who cares?

Have a deep, thoughtful, wonderful, peaceful day.

Peace Out.

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Be Healthy, Behave

I saw an article yesterday (when I was looking outside of Facebook for news reports) about people out there who have made a living out of creating a website, getting advertisers to be on their site (this is how they get paid) and then they spend their full-time work days creating misinformation and putting it out there as real. Knowingly. It’s hard to believe we live in such a time, in such a world, where people benefit and live off of destroying other people. I won’t mention their names here, goodness knows I don’t want to promote one more person looking at this guy’s mess, but this dude took this woman and her family and totally decimated their lives by accusing them online of having started the coronavirus (Covid-19) outbreak. Even though the authorities and police have confirmed her innocence, it does not seem to matter and the police can do nothing. There are no laws for this.

He had hundreds of thousands of followers attacking these poor people. Their reputations are ruined. They don’t feel safe, can’t leave their homes (even after they CAN from isolating) for fear of being attacked.

I saw a story about a NC woman who is knowingly infected and she and her followers are taking to the streets to tell people they need their “freedom” and to get out there and protest for the opening of commerce now, and she is very militant about it. It’s real, people. This is the world we are living in.

Sigh. Good morning, friends. It is a stressful time to be alive. It’s enough to make me (I don’t know about you) crawl under the covers and hide.

I’m the kind of person who likes to take any action I can (even if it’s only taking to my keyboard) to try to bring about positive change in the world. But this…. This mess. People are so entrenched in their ways of thinking and refuse to be challenged. It’s unlike anything I have ever witnessed before. It feels like Mass Brainwashing and it scares me, I’m not gonna lie.

As for the aforementioned perpetrators, the ones making a living from defaming people, I’d be all for implementing laws about defamation, etc., that would cause these people, once they are identified, to be placed in shackles in the public square and let people walk by and throw tomatoes at them. Let’s bring that back. I bet it’d work.

My heart aches for this world. More than I ever thought I would live to see, people are forgetting about what’s important, latching on to some little thing and turning it into a full-blown cult-like agenda. I don’t understand. I never will. And don’t tell me people just need faith in God because a lot of the folks participating in some of the crazy behavior are self-proclaimed people of faith. I cannot express how sad this makes me.

People need love. They need real connection with real people. They need mental/emotional healthcare. This much is abundantly clear.

I’ve found that sitting with someone and having a coffee together and talking our thoughts through, even if we disagree, in an attitude of respect and humility, can work wonders. Before social media it’s what everyone did. That’s why people who disagreed with one another weren’t losing friendships over it back in the day, but now it’s just the thing to do, to blast people you disagree with and fight and yell and get ugly, and decide we can’t be friends.

I go a long way towards trying to discuss things calmly but when people start getting angry with me, calling me names, trying to publicly humiliate me, look out. Boundary walls are up and people are being shoved outside of them. I don’t put up with that. My peace and the energy I surround myself with, is very important to me. I will protect it and myself.

So, I am over here in my tiny little corner of my little world, plugging away at life and at trying to make sense of it all. Ultimately there is little I can do but try to encourage people to be kinder, to really look at broader views instead of a tiny narrow one. To base all they do out of love and compassion and empathy rather than furthering their political ideals and agendas.

The combination of social media (hiding oftentimes under Freedom of Speech) and politics is destroying it all, our peace, our friendships, our relationships, our sanity. I’m not playing anymore, people. I will not engage.

No-one, no matter how long I’ve known or loved them (family included) is going to be allowed to get me all riled up and upset and ruin my quality of life which is ever-so-precarious right now anyway. Boundary walls up and fully engaged, like a high-dollar alarm system.

If you feel the same or just like to follow me for whatever reason, (writing, art, poetry, friendship, whatever) then I hope you stick around. I hope you come back here and hang out and read my stuff. For those local, I hope one day we can meet and have coffee and discuss things with mutual respect and kindness.

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself and hold onto your sanity and your peace. Be healthy. Be kind. BEHAVE.

Peace Out.

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Genie in a Bottle

When I say Genie in a Bottle, I know some will begin to sing that song by Christina Aguilera. That’s not where I’m going with this. (Philosophy post)

A big life change or some big paradigm shift is like a genie coming out of a bottle. The old way of thinking is gone and a new way presents itself and there is no way to go backwards. You cannot put the genie back in the bottle and pretend you now don’t know what you know that you know. One cannot unsee what one has seen or what has been revealed.

(If you don’t know the terms “epiphany” or “paradigm shift” I invite you to look them up.)

I am beginning to realize that everyone will have their own epiphanies at different times (if they are open to them) and they will never be caused by just one thing, one book read, or one quote discovered or one fact discovered. They come after nights on your knees crying out to the wilderness, God, the Universe, anyone who will listen. They come through pain and wrestling out, they come with the honest desire for wisdom and knowledge. (Don’t ever pray for such things unless you are ready for them to come, because they will turn your life upside down.)

The truth is, all truth cannot be contained in 2,000 words or 2,000 books. The Universe is reeking with truths, waiting to be discovered. This is exciting to me. I have such a desire to learn now that I’m sometimes obsessive about it. I want to know all the things about all the things. But I don’t want to adopt someone else’s faith path or worldview, this one is my path and my view ahead. I’m a seeker and always will be one. There is no going “backwards” along that path. There is no turning back. I may spiral or squiggly all over the place, but I do not turn around and go backwards.

I also am discovering that – if I am around the corner of a building, I may see something you do not (and the reverse is true). Perspective really is hugely important. It’s like I’m looking at a Picasso hanging on the wall and you may be in a garden revelling amongst the flowers. Both things are acceptable and wonderful. But we are not seeing the same things at the same time. I’m learning that this is okay.

In order for humanity to heal, we have got to begin to allow each other to blaze our own trails of discovery. To applaud one another, no matter what it is they may be discovering today.

We can no longer separate ourselves into boxes and limit our contact with the new and different. Be brave and mature enough to blaze your own trail. Seek. Learn. Others won’t get it and that’s okay. Do it anyway, You won’t regret it.

Dare to turn a new corner, go through an alleyway and come out on another street you didn’t know was there all along. This is the very heart of adventure. And life is nothing if not an adventure.

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Ramble: I’m Totally Spaghetti

Hello my lovely buds. Throat has been so sore. My voice is leaving me. I can’t wait for whatever this is to leave me. But today my mind has been very active and my spirit and soul are well. I am constantly having things pop into my head I want to jot down so I’ll probably be having some long posts for a bit. (The steroids are making my mind very active!)

To touch on another mindset that I felt was toxic (from my previous life) I want to talk a bit about confidence versus humility. I’ve worked so hard on myself these last ten years or so and have gone a long way towards healing a lot of bad gunk (toxic lessons) I felt that were either purposefully or inadvertently pounded into my head over the years, and realize this was my life experience I’m sharing, which includes church experiences and life experiences and a sum total of all of my experiences. 

I was, twenty years ago, a person with very limited confidence, and can at times feel that ghost over my shoulder. I like to shoo it away when that happens. One of the things that happens when you do the work on YOU is you begin to know yourself very well. Sometimes we have such a little sense of self that we cannot even tell ourselves what we are good at, what we excel at, without wincing. I used to always say things in a self-deprecating manner. There is a time and place for some of that, and it does seem to demonstrate modesty and humility, at least on the surface. But I believe it can feed negative thoughts and perceptions in your brain if done too often or in the wrong circumstance. It took me forever to just say “thank you” when someone would compliment me. I’d stammer and turn red, and try to explain why I wasn’t pretty or I wasn’t good at such-n-so at all. I’ve done some good work there.

I know what I’m good at and what I suck at. I don’t have near as much of an issue about taking a compliment, especially in an area where I feel secure about myself. I’m secure that I am an average (at least) good-looking woman. I have great hair. See? That didn’t kill me or anyone else. I know that I excel at writing. I may not be the best in the universe but I’m good at it and I don’t have a problem with saying it sometimes (if it comes up.) It is NOT (in my way of thinking) less than humble to know your strengths and weaknesses. I am certainly NOT as confident in every area of my life. (What’s that saying? Be brave enough to suck at something new), and that’s so true. 

Not being allowed to admit, even to myself, that I was a good person, or that I was good at anything was pretty devastating to my self-esteem. I did not feel allowed to do so, not by any of my experiences. It has taken me a bit to get over that. I am over it.

The times I do feel insecure are 1) around new people or large groups of people, especially ones I don’t know,  2) doing something new that I’m unsure I’ll be good at, and being afraid of someone calling me out for not being good at it.  (Nobody likes being called out for weaknesses or lack of talent.) And that touches on perfectionism, and I am a recovering perfectionist. Those are two that come easily to mind. I am getting better at sharing the “less than pretty” parts of me without worrying about the opinions of others. 

Vulnerability. It’s a thing.

I know that I have come out of being a teenager who craved attention so badly that I ended up being in some very bad and painful circumstances. I used to blame myself for that, but one learns to give oneself grace (or hopefully one does). I’ve long-since forgiven myself for anything I DID do, and have put the blame for people who hurt me squarely where it belongs. I know my own past, so I know that craving attention could be a trap for me. (I am a Leo, after all, at times, a self-confessed drama queen) so this is an area that I have to guard in myself carefully. I have learned to watch for the signs and catch myself out.

Am I bending too far to fit in with someone I do NOT even need to be around? And BOOM, you see where that connects directly to setting boundaries. I have to give myself the boundary of not going too far in a bad direction for the benefit of someone else, especially someone who may well not have my best interest at heart. I tend to be empathetic and I do care, so that leads sometimes to bending over backwards to let everyone have total access to me, and of course that can be a bad thing at times. It will WEAR YOU OUT. As an empath I do have to guard my energy (physical, emotional, spiritual) very closely. It’s why, if I do not connect with someone on some sort of deep level, or if someone is very against me or something I stand for (negative energy) I will get away from them quickly now. I finally learned to do that. Life-saving lesson.

Amazing how that connected up to what I was talking about on earlier posts. (Men are waffles and women are spaghetti, right? Cuz I’m totally spaghetti.)

Peace Out til the next installment!

🙂

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More Rants & Rambles

Just a thought.

I was thinking about perspective. I once saw the world through a hole the size of a marble, like a peephole in a door. Many years and experiences later I see it through a hole the size of a globe. I’m glad that I do, but the struggle I have is being around those who seem to still look through a peephole. I don’t know why it bugs me so bad, and why I can’t let it be. This is my struggle. To find peace and acceptance with people of other perspectives, especially when I see their perspective as tiny and narrow. Oh so limited. I want to drag them to my door and show them my view, for it is full of light, life and love. But I cannot.

I cannot.

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Sunday, April 26th (Life in the midst of a pandemic and fighting being sick. Also writing tips!)

I’m going to try to write something every day while I’m sick and indeed while the lockdown continues. On my last post I told ya that I am indeed fighting a virus that’s in my lungs though I have not yet been tested. I’m hoping by Wednesday when our closest drive up testing center opens, I will be feeling much better. If not I will likely go over and just confirm it or rule it out and go from there.

Losing my voice a little, with breathing treatments I breathe okay but if I talk a lot will get short of breath. I’m a fighter though and no stranger to battling illness so I am girded for battle, My spirits are high. (I get knocked down but I get up again, ain’t nothing gonna keep me down!)

Yesterday I talked a bit about, well, a lot of things. I went back and edited where I said women are pushed down like other ethnic groups, didn’t want to make it appear as if I think I have ANY idea what it is like to be a woman of color. I do not and cannot imagine. The only thing I have experienced that would come close would be the times I have been treated badly as a woman, for being a woman. Not the same thing, of course.

I thought, as I am a writer and this is my blog and one might assume I may occasionally talk about writing, that I would do so today.

I am planning (as soon as I get to feeling stronger in the lungs, etc) to do a couple of videos on writing, talk about some of the things I’ve done in the past, helping other writers, and my best tips and advice for the person who says, “Hey, I think I want to write a book!” I meet people who tell me that all the time and I offer what advice I can and will even help them along the process if they decide to proceed. (I will share some good tips here and now for any interested, to whet the appetite.)

Gonna share the number one first thing I ask such a person: What are you reading? Who are your favorite authors? How much or often do you read? Just like you go to medical school to learn medicine before being a doctor or study as a plumber’s apprentice before becoming a plumber, (you see where I’m going) if you never read, you’ll never be a writer. It is absolutely the best study of writing there is.

There are other skills you will need such as a better- than- working knowledge of spelling and grammar and vocabulary. People try to tell me often that they are writers but sometimes when I look at their work I can’t get through it, can’t even finish reading it because it is soooo bad in the area of spelling and/or even knowing how to correctly punctuate and put a paragraph together. I guarantee you that no publisher is willing to work with such a person. Put in the work. Study. If you don’t want to take classes, study books. Read, read, and read some more. Take note of how they do it. Emulate what they do. Increase your vocabulary constantly.

I say again, you cannot be a writer without putting in the work, just like anything else.

Another thing I have run across a lot, is someone coming to me who has an amazing writer’s imagination, and they tell me their ideas and I can spot it immediately. But then, they have no idea how to put those ideas on paper. (I refer them back to the advice above.) Some have asked me to do the work for them. That’s not how any of this works. If you want it bad enough, be willing to put the time in. Practice, practice, practice. I often agree to read other’s practice writing and attempt to advise. There truly are no easy shortcuts just like there isn’t with anything worthwhile. And it should be said that there are those with a natural talent and affinity for it (I was one) and it will be easier for them to do this work. It’s always easier if it comes more naturally and if you’re passionate about it.

I hope this gives you food for thought and that if you are a person interested in writing at all, you will tune in when I get my YouTube vids up. I will post everywhere when that happens.

Still struggling with getting along with people on Facebook who are deep into conspiracy theories and do not believe this virus is real. I know so many people affected in one way or another and have a dear friend who lost a son. I know it’s real and have zero tolerance. And because I have no love for the Trumpster, that makes it very hard for me to be on Facebook. I’ve just had to start blocking people. Some that I dearly love, even. Cuz I just can’t. He lost me the very first time he opened his mouth and when I heard his description of women, I nearly vomitted. I lost all respect for him long ago and do not get the hero worship that is taking place over there on the right. Be Republican if you want to, but this I cannot understand and never will. If this puts you off me, sorry, not sorry, do what you’ve got to do. Enough said about that, but here is where I will (only occasionally) post my opinions on such things.

If you have any questions on writing, please ask! On this site you will see my books that are still in print listed, they are also available on Amazon. My two most recent are Transcendant (dystopian fiction), and Heart of Courage, a poetry compilation of my poetry with three other poets that I know personally and love dearly. My other books were written between 2009 and 2013 I believe, but these two are most recent. I have a couple of projects I have started but seem to be drawn a lot into my art these days and smaller projects like poetry and short stories and I plan to do another book of poetry when I have enough gathered. I also list some of my acrylic-on-canvas paintings here on my site (see the tabs at top).

Gonna rest my noodle for a bit. I hope you are all well, and for anyone battling any kind of illness, stay strong, my heart goes out to you.

And hey, while you’re isolating, READ. 🙂