Month: January 2022

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All You Need is Love. (No, really.)

So, I deconstructed my whole world view over the last fifteen years, no biggie. (Actually, very big biggie.) It has also taken me that long to put myself out there and try to make sure that all of the people I care about and that care about me, now know the real me. Old friends, new friends, childhood friends, family, all of them.

My truth (my experience and POV) is that organized religion serves to separate people and pit them against one another (much like political divisiveness.) Not God-bashing or even faith bashing, just religion bashing a little, I guess. Because it teaches an unreachable perfectionism. Because you only see people in terms of if they’re in or out and all you wanna do is get them IN at all costs, then feel better about yourself. It’s Us vs Them in its most basic form and its archaic.

It claims unconditional love while giving you lists of conditions. Saying “Love the sinner, not the sin” is simply going around calling everyone sinners. People are simply people. Real. With feelings. Capable of great love and good and also great evil and bad. Period. After coming out of the church, I have found more unconditional love than ever, and also hurting and broken people that have been chewed up and spit out and taught that they should both be perfect and also that they never will be and it screws people up. Perfectionism. Very conditional love. Jumping through hoops.

I believe religions were started thousands of years ago (and many have come and gone over the years) to try to rally people together with a common goal and to be able to sort of herd the sheep, control the masses. Teach them of a scary wrathful God and keep them in line. Otherwise, they cannot be trusted.

If you haven’t loved someone completely different from yourself, you will never get what love really is. We’ve got to stop dismissing people because they do not look the same, dress the same, have a different sexual orientation, see politics differently.

Have you ever sat with someone across the table and looked in their eyes and just listened? Not with an ear to tell them how it ought to be but just really tried to understand them? Someone totally different than you. Have you ever felt yourself loving them without trying to change them?  If not, then you’ve never truly grasped what love is.

To love is to meet someone exactly where they are, and to accept them there as well. Not try to talk them into being more like you, no, but just trying to give them the freedom to be themselves. To stand up for them against all comers, even if you don’t necessarily agree with everything they do. All humans should have basic dignity and respect. All. Not just the ones in Your group, Your race, Your tax bracket, (or whatever).

It’s a new and different world from 1,000 years ago, from fifty years ago, from ten. If we can’t grow along with the world, we’re screwed. It was once all about nationalism and Us vs Them and the world can never truly change under that, there will never be peace, (and of course religion teaches that peace is an unreachable goal, blah blah) because they don’t want anything to change. Those in control will always want to remain in control. Control your thinking, your actions, your very feelings. Which is why I am always banging on about reading, learning, growing, and thinking for yourself. If you’re the exact same person you were twenty years ago, you haven’t grown at all.

All we need is love, to quote a famous musician, and he was called a hippie and so am I but we’re not wrong. But first we must tear down the old things that do not know and understand real love. Sometimes those things are deep within ourselves.

Peace Out, peeps.

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Another Edition of Things I’ve Learned, Jan 2022

  • Never let your full personality light shine around men, they will assume you’re flirting with them. Dim yourself. (F that, btw.)
  • When you meet someone new, try not to spend 100% of your time together judging them, rather, spend it trying to get to know and understand them.
  • If you don’t click, you don’t. Never force it. You’ll live to regret it.
  • That little voice in your head that tells you to run? Listen to it every time.
  • Nobody is perfect, so please give yourself grace, every day. Some days I’m a fierce warrior, other days a puddle on the floor.
  • Pat yourself on the back when you know you have conquered and overcome something. Unfortunately, few others will.
  • Putting YOU first is not selfish, but rather self-preservation, (self-care, self-love). This is the only place from which you have anything to give.
  • Be a doormat or a servant to none. In every relationship both must do their part.
  • In every situation, in every way, on every subject, have an opinion that is yours and is not inherited. Do your work to know how you feel. If you don’t know about something, honestly say you don’t know enough about it to comment. Then do your work. There are far too many blind followers on planet Earth. (This is sometimes known as Think for your Damned Self.)
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January 4, 2022 People are Stupid AKA It’s a Mad, Mad World

I had some errands to run and I got them all done. For reasons some of you know, I deal with anxiety related to driving (sometimes) and at times it’s just anxiety over leaving the house. But I got them all done and back home again in my comfy bubble.

I heard about the recent slap-fest on an airplane and my heart sank a little more. We are so passionate in our points of view these days, and ever-so stressed out. Maybe along with a sky ranger on the plane, we need a secret psychiatrist. Nobody knows who he or she is but they pop out when needed. Armed with comfort, kind words, appropriate meds. And once again the airline ticket costs jump up cuz they have to pay these people. What a world. I honestly don’t know if I will ever choose to fly again.

But for all the madness in our mad, mad world, I am actually doing pretty well. Watching the latest Coben marvel Stay Close on Netflix. I have a handful of shows (always) that help to occupy my mind and keep me busy. I live and thrive in the world of fiction and fantasy, and ain’t it a good thing these days? I often prefer fiction to reality. I art journal, I draw, I read, I fill notebook after notebook and write blog after blog. We all have our coping mechanisms, eh? And occasionally I foray out into the real world.

I texted a friend today and said, “Just checking in to see how your holidays were, cuz you’re one of the few humans I like.” It is, sadly, true. I try not to be too harshly judgmental of others, but often, for one reason or another, I just don’t like everyone and I guard my time and energy too much to waste it these days. If a hermit such as myself chooses to leave my home and venture out for you, you are special indeed to me. (You’re looking at a woman whose life motto has always been “People are stupid.”) I know, I know, you think I’m too negative. But I’m not wrong.

I’ve been finding a lot of traits in myself that I’ve seen in my late father, and it makes me say, “Oh! Genetics are real!” but also “Yikes,” cuz I have to make sure I don’t push everyone in my life away from me. I guess being aware of potential negative behavior is a good first place to start. I’m also a lovie, though, I truly am. If I don’t frighten people away and if I genuinely connect with or like someone, they’d find me to be a true, loving, forever friend. I have a huge heart. Perhaps that is why I protect it so very well.

In parting I will add, don’t always fall back on thinking people are stupid, try to understand. Try to be open to connection and friendship. I’m talking to myself here, too, of course. In such times we need extra super-human patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Whatever you get up to this January, be kind, even it’s it difficult. We need more of this.

Peace Out, my friends!