I sat down the other day and wrote a loooooong blog, only to realize there was an issue and it wouldn’t post and I lost it (because I didn’t write it in Word first like I sometimes do, but tried to save myself a few seconds of work.) Bit me in the butt. We’ll see if it works today.
Trying to stay steady, to maintain. Our lives are good and we are grateful but many that we know are struggling hard in one way or another. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer in any way, and know there is nothing you can do but hope, pray (if you do), and wait it out. It Is What it Is. My most used phrase of the 2020s. When you can do nothing, you have to lay it down, let it go. Grieve when you must.
I am certainly a person who could easily make myself sick with worry, but I swore a long time ago Not to be that person, or at least to work hard on learning to let go of what you cannot control or change. I think that is one of the hardest lessons to learn–to stay steady in the midst of chaos or pain or stress. I’ve come a long way but have not totally arrived. The danger is going too far in the other direction and hardening your heart, putting too many walls up, forgetting how to love and care. No danger there, at least I’ve always felt too sensitive for my own good. (Thus the need to learn these lessons, build some kind of walls, lest I allow myself to be utterly destroyed.)
The world has changed so much these last few years as to sometimes seem unrecognizable. Many say it’s God’s wrath, but I never buy such answers, mainly because any God I could believe in, would never dole out such hurt and suffering on the good and the bad alike. There seems to be no justice at all to be had. I think it’s life on planet earth, viruses happen, shit happens, if you will, and it lands on all of us alike. Tidal waves, earthquakes… not the hand of a loving God at all, just life on this spinning ball. We like tidier answers than that, but I think that’s the truth of it.
Life happens. Shit happens. Illness and death happen, even to the good, the faithful, the kind, the believer and non-believer alike. That cannot be justice, therefore it cannot be the hand of any just god. Simple math to me.
For whatever reason, we have been planted here on this spinning ball and left (by and large) to fend for ourselves. The true colors of humanity are coming to the forefront, some good, wonderful, kind… many power-mad or simply mad and concerned only with themselves. Either the scale has tipped toward the dark side, or we just never knew how many hurting, broken people there were out there before the internet age. (And by that I mean, the hurting broken ones that decide to turn ugly and act out in various ways.) Not all who wander are lost, not all who are hurting choose to hurt others.
I’ll give this decade one thing, it isn’t going to be boring. Always some new “fresh hell” around the corner. It is what it is.
But there is still GOOD. If anything, I recognize the good now, more than ever. Good people. Good hearts. Heroes. Innocence that we don’t want to see destroyed. Hope, faith, gentleness, self-control… it does still exist. It stands out, now, and I mean the True, the Real, not just those that claim a particular faith, but the Real shows up and comes through. Those that are genuine and kind are beacons of hope in an ever-maddening world. And they exist in any and every area. These are my truest heroes. In these are where I place my hope.
I once thought only those in church (of faith) were the good ones. Then I thought those of faith were the deluded ones. And now I know that we are all one people, each doing the very best we can with what we know. Each choosing how best to cope, how to maintain our hearts, our kindness, in whatever way we choose, and we are fortunate to be able to do so. Those who cope, they each find their way… and those who cannot cope… I only hope they don’t allow despair to turn them to darkness, meanness, selfishness, hate.
We are (as humans) forever looking for pat answers, the black and white of it all, but we live in GRAY so there is this disconnect. The pat answers don’t speak to the gray, the real life issues and problems. The real people. We like our organization, to tick all the boxes, sum people up and file them away, but we are so much more than that. People are so much more than a checkmark.
If only we opened our eyes to what and who we could be to and for each other, stopped the dividing lines, and began to embrace each other again. Sometimes what is so hard, is seeing what it could be… what we could be. I see it. It seems an unreachable goal, but I can almost taste it.
But here we are, in the gray, and it is what is. Peace to you all, my friends. Stay safe and love each other.
