Author & Art Therapy Practitioner
(I wrote this last fall and I find myself thinking of it again. Can’t wait for those gorgeous orange leaves and cooler temps. Published in Heart of Courage, a book of poetry.)
Looking out at the breeze
As it knocks at the leaves
Some fall
Others don’t
Their colors like a drug trip
Colors only the imagination can dream up
But here they are
Real
Touchable
A signature of a Creative Mind
Showing off
To lesser creatures
Today I am a broken-winged butterfly.
Right now I am dealing with five separate and highly annoying health issues, none of which I believe to be life-threatening, but all causing my life to be high-maintenance. When the summer and the onslaught of issues started (last month it was five but not the same five as this month, so it’s been a rough summer) I did my cocoon thing. When I get sick I tend to hold up in my bed for days. It’s my cocoon.
After the last several days I felt myself beginning to spiral towards depression (again). Health issues always take me there when I begin to feel overwhelmed.
But this morning was different. I chose different. I decided that today I would get out of bed and choose to behave as if life was okay. I got up and did my hair and got clean and dressed as if I were “normal.” As if I were going to go out in to the world of normal and be normal. And then I began to think, so, what if this IS my new normal?
Since being diagnosed with RA (an auto-immune disease) I have had a TON of trouble with my immune system not functioning well. I’ve changed my diet SEVERAL times before getting to a place where I feel I am eating the best I can for me and my body and to be able to maintain it for the rest of my life. I listen to my body.
One dramatic change, for example, was NOT eating sugar. I’ve had to give it up to a 90% degree. Some weeks it probably is more like 99% but sugar hides in everything and so is hard to escape entirely. I don’t do cakes and cookies and stuff, anything empty white sugar, because if I do, I immediately hurt. I have cut it from my life. (Sometimes during the holiday season I will try and make a no-low sugar alternative dessert, but for the most part, that is just gone from my life.) And this is just one example of many changes I won’t bore you with.
My body takes two to three times longer to heal when I get sick. It just does. So there’s that. I am becoming a germaphobe.
So, back to today and my current five issues. I decided I was going to live one day at a time, living as though I would have to deal with these issues for the rest of my life. Would I get up and take care of them and get on with it? Or would I give up and give in??? It was an “in your face” moment for me. (Thanks, Universe.)
All I can say is that for today I left my cocoon, and I took flight, broken-wings and all. My flight path was altered a bit. I flew in crazy swirly curly lines and slapped into things once or twice, but I’m flying.
One day at a time.
Thanks for listening friends and fellow butterflies!! (Keep flapping those wings!)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan. I can quote many episodes word for word, but the show FRIENDS did give us quite an unrealistic view of how our lives should be/might be/could be.
1) Everyone you care about will always live within 10 minutes of you and will magically appear in a time of crisis. Now, we know this isn’t true. People move, they have jobs that dictate their schedules, spouses, lives outside of you, so they will not magically appear and throw an arm around your neck when you need it.
2) Your tribe will be the same six or eight people forever. You and I know that friendships in the real world come and go, and sometimes seem to change with the wind or the season. Chances are good that, though you may have a friend or two throughout your life, your tribe can change as your life changes.
3) All of life’s problems can and should be settled in under 45 minutes. As with all sit-coms, we see major life issues arrive and be settled to a fair and equitable outcome for all, in under 45 minutes. Soooo not the case in real life, where our problems go on for days, weeks, even years.
4) Never boot anyone out of your life. Okay, can we say BOUNDARIES? How many of you would put up with some of what these people put up with? Could I really be BFFs with Ross Geller forever? I’m thinking… no. And real-life Monica Gellers have few real long-term friends because of their OCD tendencies and chronic neatness. As an intense person myself, I can say that it can make it tough to maintain the kind of friendships she has, and it would be exhausting for her to have people coming and going in her space all of the time. And Joey is a misogynistic perv more often than not, running through women like he (hopefully) changes his underwear.
5) And what about Phoebe? Well, okay, I have nothing negative to say about a homeless gal who has no real visible means of support but manages to live very well in the end. She somehow manages to pull herself out of some tough spaces and maintains her sanity. (But honestly, how much does massage therapy pay??)
6) And Rachel is our “normal” one. She must’ve been designed and created as the normal gal. Normal. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, no weight problems, perfect hair. Her biggest issues are, which hot dude do I want today and can I make it in the fashion industry? Poor Rachel. We should all be so normal.
7) Chandler Bing! I must confess Chan-man is my favorite. He’s got that “boy next door cute goofiness” that is hard to resist. He’s smart, funny, and can make a girl laugh. What more could you want? He’s the one we always find ourselves rooting for. You want him to find true love and make good in life.
So, in summary, what can we learn from FRIENDS? That it is great entertainment. Period.