Daily Blog Mon June 8 Coming Into the Light

Think I’ll make this another edition of “Things I’ve Learned” as well.

*There are no 2 people that are ever going to agree on everything and despite what social media tries to teach us, it’s okay.

*I seem to be drawn to good people, genuine people with awesome hearts (even when we don’t agree on every single thing on Earth.) I click with people or not. I value vulnerability, a recognition that none of us get out of this life with no scars. None of us are perfect and who gets to define “perfect” anyway? (Probably no-one.)

*Though I’ve been victimized in the past, that doesn’t make me a victim. I’m a survivor. Over the last twelve or fifteen years, I’ve been working on myself a ton, (some therapy, lots of just plain old hard work getting it together and processing old stuff and figuring out who I am now.) I feel like I was stuck in a certain area of growth for many, many years and it required me to push through some things, un-bury, feel, and push through.

To the outsider I know this has looked a bit odd, and some who genuinely care about me haven’t known what was up. I finally feel like I’m coming out of a tunnel, stepping into the light. And if I can feel good about that or anything at this moment in time with all that the world is going through, it must be real.

*Remember back in the pre-internet days when we could meet someone and like them and NOT argue about everything all the time? Let’s ponder. That was friendship.

*For many, maybe most years of my life, I bent over backwards to fit in, burying my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Tried to always be NICE. Easy to get along with, never make trouble. I’ve let others think and speak for me for waaayyy tooo long. I don’t do that anymore. (Still pretty nice unless ya push me.) I have boundaries, oh and thoughts and opinions. They may not line up with yours.

Because I felt censored most of my life, told what to believe and what to say, I don’t take kindly to it nowadays. That means you’re probably always gonna know what I think. I described it to a friend once as “feeling like someone has always been trying to put a hand over my mouth… forever.” I’m the only one who gets to censor me now.

*One truth for me is that I believe with all of my heart that women should be treated equally with men in rights and respect. Same pay, listened to the same as men, have the same opportunities as men. Women have been treated as objects for far too long and they’ve often had better hearts, more compassion, and at times have more intelligence and qualifications than their male peers or bosses. Not always, sometimes. It needs to stop. Good men need to start standing up for good women. Standing up against their peers who would make perverted jokes about women, mistreat them, or abuse them.

Until good men stand with us, things will never change. Stop worrying about being a “bro” and start being a decent human being. As a popular comedian Hannah Gadsby once said, “Men, Pull your socks up!”

(I know some of these good men and I’m ever-so thankful for them and we need so many more.) Of course the same is true for any or every minority. Good people have got to start standing up for every minority, stand in front of them when necessary. Only then will things change. Now is not the time to stay silent in the face of hatred, bigotry, prejudice, or misogyny.

There was a sign in my kid’s bedroom while they were growing up, it said, “Stand up for what is right, even if you stand alone.” I still believe this. (And I’m proud of my kids, and I believe they have lived this out.) Character. Integrity. It matters.

Come on out into the light. It’s warm here. The sun is shining.

Why I Left the Traditional Church (and why I use the term “speak your truth”)

Once again, I have seen on social media, people bashing the term “speak my truth” and this primarily from the far right and the traditional church. And aimed primarily towards Oprah. I want to write about the term “speak my truth” and the reasons I, personally, use the term and always will, and what that means to me, and why I left the traditional church.

I have “ranted” before about people perpetrating spiritual judgment on others, because when I see and hear this kind of thing, it goes all over me, irritates my spirit, my soul, and my very cells. So here I am a writer… what’s a girl to do? Sometimes I MUST write about it.

Let me say, I’ve been where you are. If you are in a traditional bible-based denominational church, you call yourself a Christian, I have been there and was there for most of my life. I don’t –in any way—believe that I am now better than anyone (ANYone in any religion or faith) so please hear me when I say that. I see my spiritual path as a spiral, not a staircase, I am not looking you in the face and saying “I’m steps above you” but I can and will say that I have chased God since I was five and I know as well as I know my name, that wherever I am is exactly where God brought me to. Others don’t get it, that’s okay.

Deep in my inner spirit and soul there began to be things that really didn’t fit for me, didn’t make sense. I would have “catches” in my spirit, something that said, “Whoa! That’s not right! That can’t be right!” and I finally began to listen to those things deep down, and I began to seek truth, only with my hand in my Creator’s hand, and I stopped listening to other’s perspectives.

I am a person who likes to live my life in total integrity. That does not mean that I am perfect, far from it, but if what the church is saying is something I find deep down I cannot align myself with, in integrity, then I cannot align myself with it anymore. I know this sounds like a “rigid” stance, but for me, (this is MY truth) it is the only way I can exist on this planet; to do what I believe I know deep down is right in as much integrity as possible, not compromising who or what I am or what I believe, not aligning myself with what is oftentimes hypocritical, broken, and nonsensical rules, laws, dogma, and behavior.

There’s a LOT of good in the church, and I recognize that the people in it are only human, I do get that. It often provides a community that many of us will never find outside of a church building. A community of like-minded people who will bring you food when you’re sick and serve you, love you, and take care of you. I know there is a lot of good there, and certainly a lot of good intention. I do not and will not judge someone harshly because they go to church or have a particular kind of faith. This, to me, is the highest form of spiritual judgment, to look at another human and say “I am right and you are wrong and you’re just being stupid.” To me, this attitude is immature, narrow-minded and hateful. Unfortunately, it is also an attitude I run across A LOT. If ever humans will be judged harshly by God, my belief, my truth, is that He will certainly judge the harshest, those who do this to their fellow man, rather than loving them. That is my truth. (See what I did there??)

When I say (or anyone says) “This is my truth,” what they are saying is actually something along the lines of “I have had a set of experiences and lessons in my life that is different than yours, I am different than you, THIS is what I have learned and know to be true,” and I think we HAVE to stop judging that. You don’t have to believe them, agree with them, or adopt their truth as yours, but I do think we are at a critical stage in humanity on this earth where it is more important than ever before, to focus on love rather than judgment. Judgment never “saved” anyone. It never changed anyone’s mind or talked anyone into or out of any core belief system, nor should it.

One of my “truths” (a powerful, life-altering thing for me) was learning and understanding that who I am and what I believe is truly between me and my Creator and is nothing to do with you. I don’t and won’t negotiate my spirituality or core beliefs with you (and I understand if you won’t either.) Nobody should. A spiritual journey is something each of us is on, ultimately, alone. God guides us where He will to teach us what WE need to learn, not what someone else needs to learn, in that precise moment in your life. What He is teaching me now is likely not the same thing He’s teaching you, in this moment in time.

This is my truth, my journey. You don’t get it? Good for you, God bless. But you better not get in my face about it—full of hate and judgment, because I WILL push back against that. I will stand up for myself and what I believe. Why? Well, because I must. I am not a follower of other people. I follow my God and integrity in all areas. I chase love, forgiveness, healing, joy, peace, and so many things. But I do not and will never again require anyone else’s stamp of approval on my life, not in any area.

Do I sound angry? Sometimes I am. I get very angry when I see people hurting and judging one another, hating instead of loving, isolating ourselves instead of being inclusive around those who do not believe the same. It hurts me and it angers me and I will always use any platform I may have to SPEAK MY TRUTH.